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To drop this friendship?

(10 Posts)
KatherineLacey Sat 25-May-13 21:48:35

So X is an old school friend and we used to be really close. Now we live a few hours apart so don't get to see much of each other but when we do it's like old times as we know each other so well.

The thing is, she is really bad at keeping in touch. If I send her 3 texts she won't reply. Anyone else and I would think they don't want to be my friend but I know that's just her way.

The other day she rang me and we had a good chat for 20 mins until we got cut off for some reason. I couldn't call her back as I had used all my mins and it is really expensive to go over (on a budget at the mo). So I text her explaining and asked her to call back. Nothing. Couple of hours later sent another text. No reply. That was last week and have heard nothing. She could easily have emailed if her phone had broken or something.

She has always been like this, very passive and willing to let others do the running and sort everything out. I feel now that its just verging on rude and I resent being ignored most of the time. This latest thing has made me wonder whether I should keep accepting that I do all the running or call it a day.

Sorry, not exactly a groundbreaking issue but would like to know what others think....

MalcolmTuckersMum Sat 25-May-13 21:58:59

I'd probably just let it die a natural death. There doesn't need to be any grand falling out - just don't bother contacting her and if she contacts you either don't answer the phone or be unavailable for whatever she has in mind.
Friendship should not be hard work and it shouldn't make you unhappy.

HollyBerryBush Sat 25-May-13 22:01:52

Perhaps you could have emailed? Why should the onus be on her? perhaps she has reasons why she cant text/hone/email at your behest.

But in answer to your OP, we all evolve, friendships move on, just because she isn't at your beck and call, it doesn't mean she doesn't like you. I cannot for the life of me understand this purile MN obsession with 'dropping people' if they don't dance to anothers tune. If you don't want to be her friend any longer, then walk away. No need for the drama.

AgentZigzag Sat 25-May-13 22:04:10

I would just mirror how she is and let her get in touch rather than actually saying anything.

If she doesn't, you'll know where you stand and it isn't you it's her.

I'm not very good at keeping in touch, but the friend I've known the longest isn't fussed and when we meet/chat it's like no time has passed.

Mumsyblouse Sat 25-May-13 22:12:21

In lots of friendships, there's a phoner and a phonee, a texter and a textee, and unfortunately for us ones who always pick up the phone and text, sometimes our friends don't always reciprocate as much as we'd like. This has bothered me too from time to time, but the friends that don't call have never been callers and I guess I still like to be in touch with them rather than just drop them because of this. Old friends are great because you can just pick up where you left of- it is frustrating though, but I wouldn't end the friendship, I'd just not call for a bit and then call when it suits you.

BreasticlesNTesticles Sat 25-May-13 22:25:47

I have done this with one old friend, 18 months later and I still havent heard from her.

I don't have time to chase people, and as I have got older I just cba

formica5 Sat 25-May-13 22:27:38

Maybe do half the running, unless she is worth the extra effort?

mrsminiverscharlady Sat 25-May-13 22:30:07

But she phoned you (until you got cut off). So you don't do all the running. I dunno, if you like her and have fun and she appears to feel the same way it seems a shame to end a friendship because you feel a bit huffy that she didn't call you back.

ivanapoo Sat 25-May-13 22:38:30

You need to decide what's more important to you:

Not being the one doing all the chasing


Maintaining the relationship

YANBU to be irritated though.

cerealqueen Sat 25-May-13 22:39:05

Hmmm. I seem to collect friends like this. One I no longer see as the flakiness moved to arranging to meet and then forgetting all about it, the other two friends, I've decided just not to contact them and see what happens.

Take a step back and concentrate on other friendships, or tell her it pisses you off?

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