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to complain about the school play shambles?

(94 Posts)
jazzmin Sat 25-May-13 21:40:06

My year 6 daughter got the lead part in the KS2 play (she is year 6, small school). Another girl cried. And cried. Her mum went in. Three days later my daughter was asked in an intimidating way(by a teacher) to give her part up to the other girl. My daughter just shrank and said nothing, she is extremely polite and likes to please the teachers. The next day she was told the other girl would be lead in one show, she would be lead in the other. She was paraded in assembly as being kind for giving up her part, then came home and crumpled. She hasn't stopped crying since. I can't believe a girl can cry and cry and get her own way, and my daughter is being punished for it. She was shouted at for being upset about it, and told if she continued the whole play would be cancelled (though the other girl cried for 2 days and got the lead part!?) I am a primary school teacher myself, I have never known this in 15 years of teaching, now it is half term... what should I do?

jazzmin Sat 25-May-13 22:08:29

WorraLiberty - because it is a village school - we are all close. My daughter came home upset because her friend was crying so much. i met other mums in the pub to organise the leavers party and they all said the same. Smartiepants - thank you. Your comments are probably what I would say to someone else and I appreciate your perspective.

HollyBerryBush Sat 25-May-13 22:11:45

I think the whole play should be cancelled. Far too many tears and histrionics.

kilmuir Sat 25-May-13 22:11:56

what a great lesson to teach the brat.
make a fuss, cry and generally have a paddy and you will get wheat you want whether you are right for the part or not.
Hope your daughter outshines her

kim147 Sat 25-May-13 22:12:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imaginethat Sat 25-May-13 22:18:04

If you believe that your dd has been shouted at, threatened and in general treated badly, you need to go into speak with the teacher. I would really like to know how it goes.

jazzmin Sat 25-May-13 22:18:51

I know - as a teacher I can't comprehend how they will manage double rehearsal time - it is Alice in Wonderland so Alice is a huge part - to double the audition time is crazy. Thanks again for the comments. I am going to encourage my daughter to make her night the best she can, and tell her I am proud of her. I am also going to complain to the school. Thanks again for all your perspectives.

kim147 Sat 25-May-13 22:21:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HalfBakedCleverCookie Sat 25-May-13 22:22:29

That is very unfair, no wonder your Dd is upset. I would have a word with the achieve. It's the way they are punishing her for being upset that is worst.

JeanPaget Sat 25-May-13 22:23:09

I would speak to the class teacher and the head and basically repeat your second post.

I agree you should put a brave face on it for your daughter, and that it's probably too late for the school to change the situation, but I think the school have behaved really badly and should have that pointed out to them. I'd be furious.

NonnoMum Sat 25-May-13 22:23:51

Maybe there's something else to this... Perhaps the other girls has some sort of bucket wish list and there is some sort of secret disease she has... And this is her last chance to shine on this earth...

Or something...

thezebrawearspurple Sat 25-May-13 22:26:25

I would complain about her being shouted at and threatened. If the show is cancelled it is the fault of the teacher giving into an overly indulgent mother of a spoilt brat.

Shakey1500 Sat 25-May-13 22:29:29

Ye GADS I would be LIVID. Not in a precious mother type of way, but for the handling. As mentioned, where does it stop? I really feel for your DD and do you know what?

I would probably speak to whoever's involved, as emotionlessly as possible about the caving in AND I would tell your daughter that I believe they were wrong, to totally be on her side but that sadly there's little to be done so we'll be gracious in public and fume in private. Preferably with a massive bag of pick and mix.

teejwood Sat 25-May-13 22:39:33

I don't normally post on AIBU toochicken but you are DNBU, OP. I have seen this happen before - where a friend's son was given the lead role in a school play, then another child/mum kicked off and - no sharing here - the role was just given to the other child. I was bloody fuming for the poor boy (and his mum, who is waaaay too good natured forherowngood to complain), but this is typical of the 'queen bee'-type mum whose child wanted the role.

It sounds like you are going to be away from that school and away from that teacher soon enough. I would be tempted to complain about the crappy emotional blackmail/threats from the weak teacher in front of the whole class (and even then perhaps leave it until after the show, but put in in writing, address to the head, head of year if there is one etc). As for the rest of it, I would just tell your DD how much stronger she is as a person and as a performer to have got it by her own merits in the first place and that she can put all her efforts into delivering a stonking performance on her one special night. Hopefully the school she is going on to has an active drama department? Perhaps she can focus on that being her next step, to take her mind off this debacle?

Floggingmolly Sat 25-May-13 22:54:36

It's usually fair to share, certainly. But the role wasn't initially shared in this case, the second girl basically threw a tantrum til she got what she wanted. Why wouldn't op's dd be pissed off? I'd complain very loudly.

Floggingmolly Sat 25-May-13 22:57:25

Oh wow, agentzigzag! It's not, is it?

juniper9 Sun 26-May-13 00:45:36

When my school did Alice, they swapped the Alice half way through. Very confusing for the audience, but maybe it'd work best for the show? Then both girls would only have to learn half of the lines.

I agree, though, that they shouldn't have given in to tears. Maybe there's more to it?

theodorakisses Sun 26-May-13 08:43:38

I must be a terrible person because the concept of avoiding other mums and complaining to a school is so alien to me over children's squabbles. My life has enough going on without crying over who is in a play. However, if a teacher spoke in an intimidating or threatening way, I would call the police and sue their bullying arses. If you can prove that it actually did happen like that which I don't really believe.

HintofBream Sun 26-May-13 09:46:30

How come at 9.40 pm the other child had cried for two days, yet by 9.52 this had jumped to three?

HabbaDabba Sun 26-May-13 10:09:09

Two Year 6 girls crying for days over a part in a school play???

Sorry OP but it sounds like two divas in the making.

We usually split the lead parts so that each performance has a different set of leading parts. I see nothing wrong with this. It was what the school should have done in the first place IMO.

So, just because it took a non stop crying child to get the school to change their mind doesn't mind that you have cause to complain.

As for your DD being told off by the teacher, I suspect that the teacher at this stage was a bit sick and tired of a couple of diva children.

Apologies for being rude harsh but we are talking about a play at a small school and two Year 6 girls. Hardly something for either DD to be crying over. Neither is it something for either parent to go nuclear either.

Smartiepants79 Sun 26-May-13 10:12:03

Not sure why it matters how many days she cried for...
That's not really the point is it?
The point is that school have given into a pushy mother and emotional blackmail.
It has been badly handled and set a poor precedent for all concerned.
All these children and mothers have been shown is that if you moan loud enough you get what you want, even if you don't deserve it and it is at the expense of someone else.

HabbaDabba Sun 26-May-13 10:20:07

"at the expense of someone else"

??? There are two performances. The OP's DD is now staring in one performance instead of two.

IMO one DC crying over not getting the lead is only slightly more diva-ish than a DC crying over only leading in one performance instead of both.

I don't understand how posters can criticize one marathon crying child and one pushy mum and at the same support another marathon crying child and pushy mum number 2.

ChewingOnLifesGristle Sun 26-May-13 10:25:52

For those with a yen to tread the boards surely losing out on a longed for part is going to be something of an occupational hazard. That goes for both girls here.

However the school handled this poorly by not splitting the lead part from the off. Or conversely by sticking to their guns having decided one person gets it. Changing tack because someone threw a wobbly is pathetic.

I do find primary school shows to be a minefield of egos though and whenever I hear one is in the offing I massively play down the whole thing at home.

My dd was upset she didn't get a better part in one. I'm afraid I told her that's life (even though it does grate to see the same old faces in the main roleshmm)

VelvetSpoon Sun 26-May-13 10:28:28

Unfortunately this sort of shit goes on in a lot of schools, teachers are so spineless they are ruled by a few strong willed children/parents - normally the ones who are the leading lights of the PTA and whose kids can do no wrong, etc.

My Ds (and about 10 others) were deliberately left out of their leavers play last year, because we are all the ones who don't 'fit in' (different races, religions, single parents, FT working mums, parents who are quite vocal about complaining). 2 parents complained to the school, which achieved fuck all. Complaining never does, because you're not the priority, the other parents are - frankly I'm just glad neither of my DC go there any more.

lionheart Sun 26-May-13 10:35:47

I think it is unfair to say they are both divas.

The OP's dd was badly treated and had something taken away from her. Quite different.

EduCated Sun 26-May-13 10:36:28

It would have been fair if it had been agreed fom the start and OP's DD knew she would only be doing one night. To go about it in this manner is shocking.

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