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To think that DH is selfish and thoughtless?

(164 Posts)
chinley Sat 25-May-13 20:49:59

This will probably seem petty to some but I'm actually so angry I feel like crying.

DH and I had plans to go out this evening. He's been at his mother's house all evening. I came home at 7pm and started getting ready to go out, spent an hour and a half getting ready, showered, shaved, washed my hair, put full makeup on and then received a text from DH saying he was going to stay there and we could go out tomorrow instead.

Now, tomorrow I'm going to be driving his mother on a 5 hour round trip so I will be too tired to be getting ready all over again and then going anywhere.

I just don't understand why he waited for me to go to so much effort and get ready and THEN tell me!

It just seems so careless!

AIBU to be fuming?

I honestly feel like crying.

YesIamYourSisterInLaw Tue 28-May-13 18:48:23

Are you ok op?

RhondaJean Sun 26-May-13 11:46:18

What a cunt of a man.

Op you don't need this in your life.

I'm sure you are probably driving your mil right now rather than reading MN but I hope you are telling her what her son is like as you do so.

Please consider leaving.

foslady Sun 26-May-13 11:32:23

Another one hoping you're ok OP, been thinking about you and hoping that you are gathering strength from this - you deserve to be happy and without fear

Moxiegirl Sun 26-May-13 11:02:32

Reading about these men on mn makes me so angry. Hope you're ok, I know it's not easy but please try and think about getting away from this nasty man sad

Mimishimi Sun 26-May-13 10:49:33

He got into such a rage that he broke your bathroom door? You do realise, don't you, that it's only a matter of time (especially with the frustrations that come after having kids) that the violence is going to be turned onto you?

Cerisier Sun 26-May-13 10:44:23

Hope you're ok OP. Please start getting organised and prepared. Wishing you strength and courage to face up to him and to extricate yourself from this relationship.

BearsInMotion Sun 26-May-13 07:57:25

Hope you're ok OP, and thinking about the future flowers

MrsWolowitz Sun 26-May-13 07:48:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chivetalking Sun 26-May-13 07:31:54

You poor thing.

I hope you are OK this morning and I really hope this thread has helped clarify just how much you need to kick this tosser to the kerb.

myroomisatip Sun 26-May-13 07:14:45

I'm another one hoping you are okay sad

I know how you feel, I've been there sad

Here's hoping you can find the strength and courage to LTB flowers

hope you're ok Chinley x

WinkyWinkola Sun 26-May-13 05:47:46

What a vile man. He really thinks it is okay to let you down and then scream in your face? The word is wanker.

Wouldn't it be nice to know that he can no longer bully you like this?

He can no longer let you down on a whim?

Your doors will remain intact.

You sound like a lovely, caring person and you do not have to live like this.

You do have choices. Women's Aid can help you like they've helped thousands.

Pinkflipflop Sun 26-May-13 05:45:53

Someone I know is married to a man who sounds similar.

She's 59 now and will never leave him.

She looks back and is full at regret of her wasted life and what could have been...sadsadsad

JumpingJackSprat Sun 26-May-13 05:40:25

You really, really dont have to put up with this. imagine that first moment youre free of him - does it feel like relief? I know it did with my ex, and my current DP is such an amazing loving person... you can find someone who cherishes you.

BookieMonster Sun 26-May-13 05:31:05

He's an angry man.
He's an inconsiderate man.
He's a bully.
He's violent.
He scares you.
YANBU. Please call Womens Aid.

Buzzardbird Sun 26-May-13 04:57:03

Chinley, you have nothing tying you there to stay with him do you?
I think it's time you did something for you.
Make your plans to start a happier life. You can't lead your whole life on a knife edge.
when you are on your death bed what do you think will be your greatest regret?

JetSetWilly Sat 25-May-13 23:34:29

Samy2 my self esteem
Was that low. I posted in mn and that told me (what I needed) to do
Fingers crossed op is ready to
Make that move also. I hope so x

BringOn2014 Sat 25-May-13 23:34:21

Hope your ok OP, really hope you have someone IRL to turn to and possibly stay with tomorrow. If Im anywhere near you Im here for RL hand holding too, had my fair share of bastards. Im in West Scotland.

pinkballetflats Sat 25-May-13 22:57:18

Oh OP....you have almost nothing left do you? I'm so sorry.

If you can just go to sleep for now - rest your brain, your spirit. (So long as you feel he's not going to harm you, of course)

|Tomorrow's another day, another opportunity to make things better for yourself.


foslady Sat 25-May-13 22:51:47

X post with Inertia - but can you see how important this is?

foslady Sat 25-May-13 22:50:53

You are worth more than this. You are a strong person, look what you have been putting up with, that takes strength. Before he takes that last bit of strength, please leave. I hope you do have somewhere to go tonight, but if you really have to stay, if he's leaving before you tomorrow, gather your essentials (bank books, passport, driving licence and birth certificate), a few clothes, any important photos, drive his mum wherever and drive anywhere but back home leaving your phone switched off.

Good luck and unmumsnetty ((((hugs))))

Inertia Sat 25-May-13 22:48:33

Chinley, I understand that you are worried about just turning up at a friend's house (wouldn't be surprised to hear that your H has actively tried to stop you going out to see friends). Do you have family that you can go to?

If you do stay home tonight, and you do drive his mother tomorrow, then you might want to think about taking a small bag with you containing important documents,bank cards , phone, any laptop or ipad, maybe a change of clothes- just in case he is thinking of 'punishing ' you while you are out of the house. He really doesn't sound safe to be around.

Calling the police is always an option if you are frightened.

Snazzywaitingforsummer Sat 25-May-13 22:39:28

Please go to a friend's or somewhere else. This is absolutely out of order and you must protect yourself. He is a bully.

pictish Sat 25-May-13 22:39:08

This man is no good.
You really should think about a future without him in it.

How awful for you. It's absolutely and horrifically unfair on you.

You have not brought this upon yourself. He has done this to you.

Samu2 Sat 25-May-13 22:37:23

scared to do so*

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