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To think that DH is selfish and thoughtless?

(164 Posts)
chinley Sat 25-May-13 20:49:59

This will probably seem petty to some but I'm actually so angry I feel like crying.

DH and I had plans to go out this evening. He's been at his mother's house all evening. I came home at 7pm and started getting ready to go out, spent an hour and a half getting ready, showered, shaved, washed my hair, put full makeup on and then received a text from DH saying he was going to stay there and we could go out tomorrow instead.

Now, tomorrow I'm going to be driving his mother on a 5 hour round trip so I will be too tired to be getting ready all over again and then going anywhere.

I just don't understand why he waited for me to go to so much effort and get ready and THEN tell me!

It just seems so careless!

AIBU to be fuming?

I honestly feel like crying.

YouStayClassySanDiego Sat 25-May-13 21:11:47

Without wishing to stoke the fires but I would be wary of having a child with him seeing as he puts you second already.

Think hard as to whether he is worthy of you, he sounds like a limp lettuce.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:12:05

Thanks boohoo. smile I'm up norf though.

Dontmind, I'd love to see the look on his face, but I'm nothing like him so couldn't put his mum in that position and stress her out, even momentarily.

Euclase Sat 25-May-13 21:12:15

That should have read he can change HIS plans tomorrow blush

DorisIsWaiting Sat 25-May-13 21:13:28

How long have you been together and what are his plans for tomorrow?

I would be seriously rethinking the agreement to take his mother.... in fact I would be seriously rethinking the relationship full stop.

Please do not let him treat you this way you deserve better.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:14:22

He has a meeting in another city Doris.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:14:48

9 years.

DontmindifIdo Sat 25-May-13 21:15:00

Well then just go to a friends tonight, leave it to him to panic when you're not home... (childish, yes, but so is his behaviour)

BreasticlesNTesticles Sat 25-May-13 21:15:08

Why would you be stressing her out? She doesn't need to know anything about it until darling offspring apears to take her tomorrow

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:15:39

You've all made me feel a little better and less like a crybaby, thank you.

pinkballetflats Sat 25-May-13 21:15:51

OP - if you let him do this to you and do not teach him a lesson he will just keep treating you like this because you let him and he can get away with it.

DontmindifIdo Sat 25-May-13 21:16:09

Important meeting?

Does his mum know you had plans tonight and he's cancelled on you?

YouStayClassySanDiego Sat 25-May-13 21:18:01

Sod him, give him notice that you're not a doormat !! Tell him you're not free.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:18:35

TBH, I don't want to drip feed or get sidetracked by all the other problems in our relationship. He is not the most reasonable of people and he has anger issues so I don't like to do things specifically just to provoke him. I just wanted to find out from MN if I was overreacting or not in this situation because I knew I'd get honest opinions.

SanityClause Sat 25-May-13 21:19:06

An hour and a half to get ready for the cinema? Wow!

Seriously, though, standing you up in favour of anyone, apart from someone in dire need, is outrageous.

I'm guessing she has done some kind of guilt trip on him, and that's why he is staying.

You really need to sort this out with him. Not by doing something petty, but by talking to him. He needs to choose who is more important - you or his mother. And you both need to accept that if it's his mother, then you have to make decisions about your future, based on that knowledge.

Oldraver Sat 25-May-13 21:19:10

Yes but seeing as he is going to miss his Mummy so much, you will be doing him a huge favour getting him to spend extra hours with her tomorrow.

myroomisatip Sat 25-May-13 21:19:21

My EX (yes EX smile) often did things like that to me.

I bought tickets to see someone in concert and he decided that evening he did not want to go! I wish I had dumped him then but MN had not been invented!

UniqueAndAmazing Sat 25-May-13 21:20:05

I agree that you should go round to a friend's.
they won't need childcare if you're staying in. you're still going out but they're not iyswim
take nibbles and a bottle of wine and ask to stay over.

he is being an arse. so react like that. call him on it.

pictish Sat 25-May-13 21:21:33

Oh dear OP.
I'm sorry to hear that, not surprised...but sorry.

An angry man who you tread on eggshells around and who dumps you at the drop of a hat?

Not kind. Not loving. Not respectful.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:21:53

I know sanity, but if I was going with anyone else I normally just go as I am, don't even bother getting ready, it's just that we never do anything together so I wanted to look nice for him. Stupid I know and wont be bothering again any time in the near future.

Samu2 Sat 25-May-13 21:22:29

I would be gutted too.

I don't think much of Mummy's boys though.

Twogoodreasons Sat 25-May-13 21:23:19

You are scared of him sad.

Samu2 Sat 25-May-13 21:24:46

I would still take his mum tomorrow as it isn't her fault (assuming she didn't know and put pressure onto him to stay) but I would not be doing it again.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:24:59

Yes, pictish, you could probably smell the deeper issues!

I'm not brushing them off, I'm working on them but it's hard.

Sometimes I just need temporary confirmation that I'm not going crazy.

DontmindifIdo Sat 25-May-13 21:25:16

You don't have DCs, you never go out together, he's angry and agressive, he dumps you when he feels like it but expects you to be available when it does suit him, he expects you to run round after his family but can't put himself out for you?

Sounds like you are in a bit of a shit relationship - why are you with him? I assume there's lots of good points to keep someone who doesn't have DCs with a man who treats her like this.

chinley Sat 25-May-13 21:25:50

UPDATE. He says he's on his way home now so I guess he must have felt ever so slightly guilty about being such a selfish wanker.

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