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To have got so suddenly cross with my bff?

(53 Posts)
KissMyShinyMetalAss Sat 25-May-13 19:39:33

Because now he's not talking to me and Im not sure what to do.

Ok, gay male bff has been my very best friend for the last 15 years.

Meets have been a little sparce since baby 2 came along because of difficulties since then. He is 2 now.

Things have calmed down a little so text and arranged to see him in his town, in a pub near to where he lived. (When things got tough my end, he'd come to mine ever few months), we live about 30 mins drive from one another.

Ok, so I arrange with him last week to meet this afternoon. I tell DP that the kids miss XXXX so will take them with me, be a day out. DP arranges work for the afternoon.

Come the morning, I tell my eldest, we're going on a train, we're going to Brighton, we're seeing, xxxx.

He's beside himself excited and so am I.

I get a text from bff at 11am saying "Sorry, I cant make today, I went out last night, dont know where I was, where I went, but I need to go back go bed, dont hate me!"

I had a knee jerk reaction reply which said

"Are you fucking kidding me? Thanks a fucking bunch."

His reply was "Wow. Really? Thats your reply?"

I said "Yes thats my reply. It takes me weeks and weeks to get any freedom, to get out, to have any kind if life whatsoever, and when I finally do, you stitch me up because you've had one to many jars last night? Thanks so much."

He doest reply.

I text back at midday "Ok Im sorry for the outburst, but me and the kds were looking forward to the meet and xxxx is gutted because he though he was seeing you (ds1) and now we have broken plans. But never mind, onwards and upwards. X"


I text at 6.30pm and said "silence? Really! Thats you response?" And ive had nothing.

Yes yes yes its childish, pointing it out wont help me.

Have I fucked this up? Am I allowed to be angry? Or not? Wwyd?

StuntGirl Sat 25-May-13 19:41:38

Sorry, are you both 12?

KissMyShinyMetalAss Sat 25-May-13 19:42:37

Yes I fucking well feel like it.

What next?

TheChaoGoesMu Sat 25-May-13 19:42:41

Its a bit shit of him. He needs to apologise really.

startwig1982 Sat 25-May-13 19:42:54

Oh dear. It's really frustrating when someone cancels like that. I understand your anger, but your text was a bit over the top! I'm sure he'll text you in a couple of days, just give him a chance. If someone sent me that text, I probably wouldn't reply for a whole either.

oldendaysending Sat 25-May-13 19:43:10

I'd be cross but I'd moan about it on here grin and couldn't you have just taken the kids to Brighton anyway? I would have!

startwig1982 Sat 25-May-13 19:43:46


KissMyShinyMetalAss Sat 25-May-13 19:45:22

Yes my text was over the top, hence my apology to him. I did add that to the OP didnt I?

I didnt take the kids to Brighton because, its Brighton. Om a Saturday. On my own. With two kids.

If thats not enough them you dont know Brighton.

Cakebaker35 Sat 25-May-13 19:46:37

Don't argue by text. Call him and sort it out, if he's your bff you'll work it out and have a laugh about it in the end I'm sure. He was just being a bit thoughtless, we all are sometimes. Hope you work things out.

He was a bit shit, you were ott with your reaction. You should have still went though, there was no need to cancel the whole trip.

TheFutureMrsB Sat 25-May-13 19:48:10

Maybe he is still sleeping off his hangover?

ifancyashandy Sat 25-May-13 19:48:21

He was crap. And you're totally within your rights to be royally fucked off but... shit happens. What I mean is, we've all had those nights that just 'happen' and one leads to two leads to twenty and a club/'party back at mine'!'

His reply was thoughtless. But he doesn't have kids (not do I... but all my friends do and I'm not so thoughtless grin) and while it's not good to lack empathy with friends situations, it's easy think 'ach, I'll be fine tomorrow' in the heat of the moment and then wake up with the fear/hangover from the depths of hell.

He knows you're pissed off. And rightly so. But don't lose a friendship over it.

StuntGirl Sat 25-May-13 19:48:37

Well stop sending arsey texts for a start.

He's hung over and (now) pissed off, leave things to cool down. Then call him (y'know, to actually speak to him) and apologise for flying off the handle. Explain what you said in your text about having to arrange time to see him, and that you were just really disappointed but you realise you handled it badly.

Then cut him some slack if he's usually such a good friend.

MalcolmTuckersMum Sat 25-May-13 19:48:57

Too funny. What happens in Brighton on a Saturday? Wild beasts roaming the streets? Day release for all prisoners from every prison everywhere provided they go to Brighton? Bio warfare testing ground? Do tell.

oldendaysending Sat 25-May-13 19:49:05

I don't know Brighton, you're right - sorry, I was trying to sympathise with you. I am a single parent though, so I'm used to having two kids on my own - no other choice! grin

peeriebear Sat 25-May-13 19:50:10

He's silent because he knows how shit it was of him but doesn't want to admit it. He wanted to retain his indignation at your angry text and put you in the wrong. You apologised, taking the wind out of his sails- he has nothing to say but sorry but doesn't want to. Just my take on it.

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 25-May-13 19:50:22

Who let who down in the past due to "difficulties"?

ifancyashandy Sat 25-May-13 19:51:09

And (quietly, in case OP get cross at me) people with kids actually live in Brighton. S

RawShark Sat 25-May-13 19:51:48

Stunt girl is right. Never continue texts when it gets stroppy. If you care, call (AND LEAVE A MESSAGE especially given you swore at him). And if it's worth continuing he'll call back. Although if I were him there's no way I would have cancelled by text that's really off.

ifancyashandy Sat 25-May-13 19:52:01

And (quietly, in case OP get cross at me) people with kids actually live in Brighton. Some even have MORE than two! And they get to adulthood and everything!

ifancyashandy Sat 25-May-13 19:52:40

*1st post fail

moogalicious Sat 25-May-13 19:53:11

I didnt take the kids to Brighton because, its Brighton. Om a Saturday. On my own. With two kids.

Really? I know Brighton and have 3 dcs. It's not a problem.

CombineBananaFister Sat 25-May-13 19:56:12

No, YANBU, there are many good reasons for cancelling and being hungover is not one of them - if you can't do the time the next day, don't do the crime (i say this to employees who come in and can't function)

Plus, if he had a big night planned why not warn you and suggest another day instead? If it wasn't planned then he should have toned it down or turned up today, tough shit if he felt crap.

Plus the 'don't hate me' would stick in my craw because he knows he's let you down and now is offended you called him out on it- it's not always easy arranging things with kids.

Don't txt again, you have every right to sound off. I know people fuck-up sometimes but at least have the decency to take the gobfull on the chin.

oldendaysending Sat 25-May-13 19:56:26

Haha, I live up North, so I was imagining Brighton to be a terrifying, place with, you know, a beach ... we have dark satanic mills up here and everything though!

SisterMatic Sat 25-May-13 19:57:18

I had a friend who used to react like that, it really put me off.
I do understand where you are coming from I really do, YANBU to be angry..but the response was already know that.
I suspect you are both feeling equally shitty at the moment. I think you both need to apologise to eachother. Cool it for a day or two, and then call. Hope you can resolve it.

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