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To not be able to trust ex with DD as he lies so much

(11 Posts)
TumbleweedAndSandDunes Sat 25-May-13 16:34:51

I broke up with ex when DD was 3 months. She was in intensive care the first 5 weeks, half an hour from our flat. He visited her 3 times in 4 weeks once his paternity ended, a few nights didn't even ask how she was when I got home.

Once we split up, he began seeing her the bare minimum, not at all some weeks, but now seems to be finding her more 'amusing' at 9 months and is seeing her a couple of hours twice a week with me there.

I'm just finding it so hard to trust him to have her alone, partly due to the complete lack of care about her, and so not trusting him to watch her/comfort her etc enough to be safe. But also because he lies about so many little pointless things, and I can't understand why!

Some include saying he's lost his job, then saying he hadn't said it when I asked if he'd had any luck finding a new one, saying he was going to America for 3 weeks, then when I questioned him visiting after the date he'd said, he said he was only going 1 week.
Saying he had a toy for her, this dragged on for about 5 weeks with it being left in different places before "falling out of the car and getting lost"
Saying he was living in one place, then slipping up and telling me he's in a completely different place, telling me he got arrested and held overnight then changing the story to just signing a caution, and so many other day to day things. I know if something happened with just him and DD I would get told some complete story or nothing at all. AIBU to not let him have her alone until she can talk if this continues?

emstats Sat 25-May-13 16:41:18

No YANBU, purely from your DD'a point of view you can't entrust her safety to anyone until your sure they're up to the job

MrsMcEnroe Sat 25-May-13 16:45:50

I agree with emstats

Sparklypinknails Sat 25-May-13 17:05:43

Yanbu. If he lies about lots of things, there's nothing to stop him lying about her care when she's with him. I always think if they lie about meaningless little things that aren't worth lying about, they will certainly lie about the big stuff.

DontmindifIdo Sat 25-May-13 17:13:19

YANBU - until she's a lot older/his life is a lot more settled, he's not someone who should be in sole charge.

Are you in contact with his parents and are they sensible trustworthy people? Could a compromise be that you allow contact at their house so you do get some time away, but are certain a) where she is and b) that there's a responsible adult around?

rabbitlady Sat 25-May-13 17:14:30

yanbu. you can't trust him.

TumbleweedAndSandDunes Sat 25-May-13 17:22:12

His parents have only visited once at 6 weeks, stayed for 3 hours and live a few hours away. I don't really know them too well as we only met a few times while we were together, but from what he has told me I wouldn't trust them even if they did live closer. (though again some things don't seem to add up)

TumbleweedAndSandDunes Sat 25-May-13 19:08:28

What would be the least confrontational way to say no to him taking her alone?

DryCounty79 Sat 25-May-13 19:13:53

YANBU. Your ex sounds almost exactly like mine, and I made the decision to not allow contact until either my DS grew up or my ex did. I honestly wouldn't trust him with a pet hamster, so I totally understand where you're coming from.
You have to do what is best for your child, physically, emotionally and mentally.

TumbleweedAndSandDunes Sun 26-May-13 08:25:08

dry does he see DS now? and did he grow up in the end or just carry on acting the same as DS gets older?

DryCounty79 Mon 27-May-13 19:54:34

He still doesn't see him, he shows no interest in him whatsoever. I occasionally get a message, usually just after receiving CSA money, saying he pays his money and wants something in return.
He has grown up a little, in that he now has a steady job. But he still tells lies constantly and is still unwilling to take responsibility for anything important.
Sorry that doesn't help your situation at all. I would go with your gut instinct - would seeing her father be more beneficial or less for your DD? X
P.S. Sorry for late reply, didn't check this thread again till now x

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