AIBU to not be entirely sure what my sister wants me to say or do?(59 Posts)
Nothing major, trivial stuff really but its bugging me and I am wondering if I should be saying or doing something more.
My sister had my kids (5 and 2) for the first time recently. They enjoyed it and so did she. However when they were there I got a text to say that they had their tea, liked it and were ready for bed and one of them had moved her dogs collar and she couldn't find it. I just replied that I was glad they were ok (the 2 year old was a bit upset when I left her as she isn't used to staying away from me). My sister can get in slightly funny moods sometimes and I had a feeling that she was pissed off that the collar had been moved, but god knows what I was suppose to do about it.
She said to pick them up any time the next day when I asked what time she wanted me to get them. Then in the morning I got a text saying "pick them up between 2-3. Giving them dinner and taking them out now" No, "can you come between 2-3" or anything. We could have been out somewhere although we weren't. We went up there at the time she said. I asked if they had been ok as that is what I thought the slightly off messages were about and she said they were fine. I knew she was going out that evening so I asked her if she was going out earlier than planned (hence the "pick them up x") and she said she wasn't, so I just left it at that. Then she made a point of telling me that DS (the 5 year old) had got nail varnish on her bedding. I called him in and told him off, that he wasn't to do that, old enough to know better, apologise to aunt, that sort of thing. DSis then said it was ok, she had already told him off.
A week later I got a text out of the blue asking if I knew how to remove nail varnish off from bedding. I have a feeling this is her way of telling me its still there and she can't get it off. I said I didn't know, try vanish and if not look up on the net as there was bound to be something on there. Then I felt obliged to help so I looked it up and there was something but too long for me to explain so I told her where to find it as it would be easier for her to read herself. She said vanish hadn't worked, no mention of finding out info for herself so I told her exactly what I had found. Got a text back saying "not happy, it was really expensive" then "I'll try it but doubt it will work"
I asked her when we picked the kids up about having them and she said she enjoyed it and would do it anytime, the kids liked staying there so I am sure this isn't her way of saying she doesn't want them again. She is NOT backward in coming forward so she would have said if she didn't want to have them again.
Is she expecting more from me or am I reading too much into it?
Or at least offer
Apologise profusely and offer to buy her sheets. Or just do it.
I don't get why you don't ask her directly to be honest he is your sister
Its not on her sheets, its on her bed cover, that was expensive. She knows very well that we don't have much money and we couldn't afford to replace it.
Have you explicitly said I'm so sorry about your sheets, you know I can't afford to replace them but I would if I could. Let me take the away and try to get the varnish off,
It sounds to me like she is expecting you to reimburse her for the bedding.
It also sounds like she is very hard work!
Does she have kids herself?
Trouble with getting family to look after your kids is that there's no such thing as a free lunch with some; you get time off but you also have to deal with sulking, funny texts etc (obviously not all families are like this but some are).
Not sure how you should deal with her, but I think she's BU. After all kids break things, she could just accept that and enjoy time with your kids.
No, you have to offer to replace them - your kids did it!
You can make payments at a fiver a week. You absolutely have to offer, it's incredibly rude not to offer.
She is expecting you to at least offer to do something about it and apologise. I don't think that's hard work. She may well then say oh don't worry about it.
She had kids overnight as a favour, lasting damage is not to be expected and nobody should have to fork out for other people's kids
At the absolute least you should take the bedspread away and attempt to clean it yourself. Or do as Laurie says and offer to reimburse her, at a fiver a week if necessary. It's really rude to just ignore it, especially after she looked after your kids overnight.
I can understand her annoyance, especially as you havent exactly bent over backward to make it up to her.
However, I cannot stand passive aggressive crap. Why cant she just say "Look it was nice having the kids over, but I am really pissed off about the nail varnish. Could you please pay something towards me having it professionally cleaned please?"
Maybe she has learnt the hard way not to let them mess about on their own and be out of sight!
I think she wants you to replace the bedding, but really she hasn't looked after the DCs properly, but thankfully it was nail varnish on her bedding and not bleach in his mouth.
If she's going to let them in her bedroom she should have moved nail varnish and the like. What if he had drank the nail varnish remover?
Replace the bed cover. Pay in instalments if you have to. Your children damaged her stuff when she was doing you a favour. You should replace it. And apologise.
How did the 5 yr old get varnish on the bedding - poor supervision?
That's not the op's fault.
No, I suppose wanting the bedding replaced is not hard work. It's the sulky texts that I would find a bit annoying - either ask for it to be replaced or leave it.
She was in charge and should have been supervising. Lesson learned for her. I wouldn't offer to pay to replace them.
I wouldn't pay to replace either. She wasn't supervising your kids properly. You've apologised and that should be the end of it. I wouldn't be sending the children there again either - sounds like it just wasn't worth it.
Just wondering if you asked her to have your DCs for the night?
Was she doing you a favour?
You should offer to replace the bed cover, even if you have to save up to do so.
A five year old knows better than to play with nail varnish, and it is your responsibility to take care of the damage he did.
Since you didn't even offer to get it cleaned I'm sure that is what your sister is annoyed about.
Umm whatever happened to nail varnish remover? mind boggles
All these responses saying about how she is doing me a massive favour, I didn't ASK her to have them, she wanted to. Its not like I begged her to give me a break and my kids just ran riot and I said nothing about it when she told me.
To me, she had them in her care so its actually her responsibility to be looking after them. I have apologised to her and made DS, I have also found a way that says it will come out and told her step by step how to do it. I haven't just not given a shit about it and I am not sure why I should bend over backwards for something that a 5 year old has done whilst in her care. Kids are not perfect.
So the majority think she is angling for me to pay for them. I'm sorry but I'm not doing that. We are on a stupidly tight budget and going through a stressful time with money at the moment. She can afford nice things which is great but we are no where near that same position.
She was doing you a favour and now it's going to cost her money / extra hassle - I'd be peeved too. I probably wouldn't accept you paying for them but I'd appreciate the gesture.
Also I would insist on taking the bedding away and trying to salvage it.
Weareeternal; How can the damage be the OPs responsibilty when her sister was supposed to be supervising the DCs?
If the child was playing upstairs on his own, nail varnish on the bedding is quite a minor consequence of her lack of supervision.
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