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Inlaws threw away my kettle

(159 Posts)
ZenGardener Sat 25-May-13 09:45:59

I had to go away for work so my inlaws came to stay to watch the kids which was very nice of them BUT I came back and they have bought a new kettle and toaster. I'm not bothered about the toaster but I'm fucking fuming about the kettle. They have taken the old ones away with them.

There was nothing wrong with my kettle, it was old but perfectly fine. They bought a fancy smancy one. I don't need a fancy kettle, I just need something to boil water.

I appreciate I'm tired, pregnant and have a headache but isn't that really rude?

Jenijena Mon 27-May-13 13:23:12

Yanbu. I would do as you are doubt (bag and hide) and if they come again explain very sweetly that it was lovely that they bought everything they did, but if they want to get something, here is an exact list...

The first time I visited my in laws, I noticed their very tacky naff looking wall mounted 3-thing dispenser in the shower cubicle. It's like a multiple of the worst sort of motorway services soap dispensers. I rolled my eyes at now DH and forgot about it.

Guess what we got for the first Christmas after we did up our bathroom?

We 'lost' it for several years in the loft, every time they visited they offered to install it and they were just about to buy us a new one (this must have been about four years later) when I came clean and said it wasn't really my taste. When they asked for it back... But we genuinely have lost it now. Shame.

diddl Mon 27-May-13 11:51:28

If they hate OPs stuff so much-why not bring their own to use?

I think as pp said, it's throwing her stuff away-therefore giving her now choice but theirs that's shit.

diddl Mon 27-May-13 11:49:52

It doesn't take much to see what people like if you want to buy more of the same.

I don't have any microfaser towels-because I don't like them-so why would people buy them for me?

Because they think that what they use is better & I should too?

I suppose the kettle can't be returned?

Scruffey Mon 27-May-13 10:02:14

They probably meant well and thought they were doing you a favour but I would be absolutely fuming if that happened to me so Yanbu. I like my £10 kettle and £15 toaster and wouldn't want fancy ones either. I also like my ten year old towels.

DontmindifIdo Mon 27-May-13 09:50:29

Why not IKnowWhat - the OP did'nt want the new all singing all dancing kettle, why should she be forced to use something that doesn't meet her needs because her PIL prefer it to the one that does meet her needs?

That way you end up with a housefull of someone else's tastes and crap because you aren't able to say no, I prefer ABC. I'd have done exactly the same.

NannySunshine Mon 27-May-13 09:45:17

Bloody hell, they're barking!!

Next time leave a giant, very specific, shopping list on the fridge - then at least what they buy might be useful?! grin

At least they don't live next door smile

LIZS Mon 27-May-13 09:45:17

and an expectation of gratitude

Wibblypiglikesbananas Mon 27-May-13 09:41:54

Monty - I'd say the conditions come in the form of implied criticism and removal of choice. The OP can't even switch back to her original kettle as it's been taken away! So - she is forced to stick with their choices or spend money she doesn't have on replacements for her own choice of goods.

Whilst I do think that cultural issues may well have played a part here, assuming tha the ILs are Japanese and this is regarded as normal in their view (though I'm no expert and don't know this), equally the ILs should have some regard for the OP's cultural background and right to privacy.

On a lighter note, my MIL (well intentioned but overbearing) insists on a teapot (an old one of hers, incidentally) being used every time we have tea at our house. This annoys me no end, particularly since she makes the weakest tea imaginable, using one bag per pot!!! Many years ago, after she had left, between DH and I, the teapot got shoved away at the back of the cupboard somewhere. Cue her next visit and finding green and mouldy tea bags rotting away in her beloved teapot. She didn't insist again for a while, hahahaha.

Montybojangles Mon 27-May-13 09:32:33

What conditions were attached to these presents Wibbly ? I don't see any.

As someone with a shelf full of broken electrical equipment I can't be arsed to take to the tip for correct disposal, I think they were trying to be helpful in removing the old ones. I would imagine Japan's recycling laws regarding electrical equipment are more stringent than ours.

The op herself states her old toaster was something of a fire hazard.

IKnowWhat Mon 27-May-13 09:29:48

I can't believe you bought a new kettle shock.

I still think they were just trying to be nice to their son and his family sad. They were not that sensible about it but they meant well. I feel sorry for your DH. confused

Will you ever ask them to babysit the kids again? I suggest if you do, then you shoud let them know what you think so they can make an informed dicision as to whether they come or not.

Wibblypiglikesbananas Mon 27-May-13 09:12:17

I think they've behaved really badly. Their intentions may have been good, but they've really overstepped a line and invaded your personal space.

I think everyone who is telling you to be grateful needs to remember that a gift with conditions attached isn't a gift at all - rather a way of controlling you.

You should tell them that they've insulted you, otherwise they will assume that their behaviour is fine and continue. You should also ask for your original goods back, or identical replacements if they've already binned them. They had no right at all to steal your things and throw them out.

Montybojangles Mon 27-May-13 08:35:26

So your parents in law have some spare cash, know you are a bit tight for money and have bought you supplies of towels, pegs, nice toiletries and a state of the art kettle that I would adore and your so angry about this because....

Rearranging the cupboards I can understand the rage, buying you nice things (they like them), I really don't understand your problem. Some people are good at getting other peoples tastes in things, other people don't, so just buy them what they themselves like.

Can't believe people think its ok to sell someone's dog/horse without them knowing "for thier own good" shock

ZillionChocolate Mon 27-May-13 08:22:58

If MIL is grieving it's really not the right time to cause a fuss, but do get DH to have a preemptive word before the next visit.

ZenGardener Mon 27-May-13 07:50:22

The bottles were unopened by the way so it wasn't even like they wanted to use them while they were here.

ZenGardener Mon 27-May-13 07:47:21

Just went to put the old towels away in the bathroom cupboard and they've been in there as well. They have bought all new brand-name shampoo, conditioner and soap and shoved all my supermarket brand stuff to the back.

They were only here two nights. Freaks!!

ZenGardener Mon 27-May-13 06:30:31


I was putting my cupboards back to order which of course the inlaws had rearranged and found another stash of towels. I bagged them all up and put all the stuff in the shed. I have a friend who collects things for tsunami victims so I will pass it all on to her. Dh will be annoyed though.

I got a new simple kettle today but the bastard thing doesn't work so have to take it back to the shop.

Have almost eradicated all trace of the inlaws from the house.

I will keep the toaster even though why they bought a bright red one is beyond me. They always buy me red things in contrast to my lovely green and white kitchen.

I will definitely get them some giant mugs and perhaps a red, leopard print scarf as a 'thank you' present!

ZenGardener Mon 27-May-13 06:21:40


I was putting my cupboards back to order which of course the inlaws had rearranged and found another stash of towels. I bagged them all up and put all the stuff in the shed. I have a friend who collects things for tsunami victims so I will pass it all on to her. Dh will be annoyed though.

I got a new simple kettle today but the bastard thing doesn't work so have to take it back to the shop.

Have almost eradicated all trace of the inlaws from the house.

I will keep the toaster even though why they bought a bright red one is beyond me. They always buy me red things in contrast to my lovely green and white kitchen.

I will definitely get them some giant mugs and perhaps a red, leopard print scarf as a 'thank you' present!

ZenGardener Sat 25-May-13 21:24:57

Ps many years ago we visited the family of a friend of dh who had died in his early twenties.

They not only had a toilet doll but they also had a musical toilet paper dispenser which played Land of Hope and Glory when you pulled the paper out.

I almost died laughing!!

ZenGardener Sat 25-May-13 21:22:20

Ok, the horse incident was way worse. That whole thing sounds utterly traumatic!

I had a better night's sleep last night.

My mil's mother (gmil) died a few months back and I think they are feeling a bit flush with cash. She gave me some money for Dd's birthday which was very kind of her. I think they know we don't have a lot of money and just wanted to help.

It just isn't stuff I want/need/like. I do find it very creepy they got us stuff exactly like theirs. Yes, like their way is much better.

We are out all day today so I will try not to think about it today and sort it out on Monday.

Yes, microfiber makes my hands feel rough. It isn't so bad when wet but the towels will have to go!

Potteresque97 Sat 25-May-13 19:44:59

Yep for the op, I'd say a very sweet and insincere thanks and ask when they were babysitting next. For quote's friend, omg, I am glad she live happily ever after after getting mixed up with that piece of dirt...

hermioneweasley Sat 25-May-13 19:24:15

You are bloody lucky to have help. I would let my in laws do whatever they wanted if they would come and stay so a could have a night off.

ZZZenagain Sat 25-May-13 19:24:01

the poor woman, quote. That's awful

RenterNomad Sat 25-May-13 19:18:11

Good God, quote, was that an accidental cut-and-paste from a novel?!

NetworkGuy Sat 25-May-13 19:17:16

Indeed, it's one thing to offer to replace, quite another to actually do it, and not just replace but take away the supposedly "worse" one. If it wasn't actually working, or was unsafe, that's one thing (and not unreasonable to consider replacing).

I don't think it "kind" to go ahead and replace someone's perfectly usable property, it's quite simply "meddling". It would be "kind" to offer to replace, and allow the occupant, should they take up the offer, to be able to have some choice in the matter (or go halves if they were looking at more expensive items).

I had things happen when I moved. Items I had unpacked and placed in my new kitchen were subsequently found to have been moved from one cupboard to another. Things I had bought in the weeks before, being removed from wrappings so I had no instructions or identification of which was which (a mix of cleaning and other products I was trying for the first time, so had no experience of before).

It was an over zealous 'helper' friend of my sister's, who consigned any wrappings to the bin and considered it quite acceptable to bin almost anything (in the old home, before I moved) on the grounds that "you can buy new".

quoteunquote Sat 25-May-13 18:58:58


She arrived home, about to poo explode and be sick having driven through winding single track lanes, lots of reversing, jumped out of the car, leaving the door open luckily, noticed the people and vehicles, ran into the house,just made it to the downstairs loo, sat on the loo, was sick all over the floor, and her clothes,

as she stood up and open the window because of smell to try and stop the gagging, she cold hear her MiL telling someone to hurry up,

decided to leave sick on floor, went out, realised a woman (who later turned out to be fronting for someone else (nasty piece of work,who friend hated)who wanted the horse) was on her horse, asked what was going on, at this point she thought it odd, but was being nice,

her mother tried to make her go inside, and told her not to make a fuss, her MiL turned her back on her, and started to apologise to the woman on the horse,

Friend demanded explanations, was told it was for her own good she hadn't done her self, so everyone else had to do it for her,

friend realising they were actually selling her horse, went ape, was sick again in the middle of shouting, mother and MiL, told her she was being selfish to unborn baby,

woman was leading horse towards horse box, friend attempted to go to horse, whist telling woman, and mothers to, "get off my land"(she later realised how that sounded, joke expression down here), woman ignored her, then pushed her away hard,

Her mother, screamed at her, and her MiL attempted to drag her away from distressed horse, she was told she was ridiculous, irresponsible a stupid general abuse.

she ran back to car,pursued by mother, just managed to get in, drove her car into gateway, parked and locked it, got out other side as mother was banging on the window, went into house, was sick all over the floor, needed loo, phoned husband in panic on house phone while on the loo and crying,

he had a go at her for being at home and making it even more difficult, at which point she realised he had known, he had even told her to go to work when she was feeling rough that morning, told her she was being pathetic not going, it was only pregnancy.

her mother came in the house took phone from her, told husband she was being evil, and tried to take car keys out of her hand,

she went and shut herself in the loo, had another shit, slid on sick, hurt her back on basin (still has problems now), went into the kitchen phoned the police, then phoned a friend who lived nearby, put keys in oven, had problems making herself understood sobbing so much, gave address, explained people were trying to take her horse, and she was hurt,

went out again, MiL decided to drag her by the wrists, woman trying to box horse, hadn't even got saddle off, horse was very unhappy she was using a crop on horse (friend never did) she shook MiL off, went over to woman's car, took her car keys out started to walk off, woman came over grabbed her shoulder, twisted her arm, took keys, called her a twat,

friend walked off, mother demanded to know where her car keys were, called her a class A bitch, selfish madam, and many other things,

She went into the house, went in the bedroom, pulled chest of drawers over behind the door, mother tried to get in screaming abuse.

told mother to fuck off, and the police were coming, her mother left, about twenty minutes later police turned up, mother and MiL tried to send them away, saying it was just a silly misunderstanding, nearby friend turned up, mothers tried to make her go, she told the police that the mothers were bullies, and stood her ground, got abused,

police insisted on seeing friend luckily, policeman had to climb in bedroom window(bungalow) as she was in such a state she couldn't lift stuff from behind door,

both mothers ended up with a caution, woman got away with it, despite causing friend damage, husband who had been there when a vet came to do inspection, took the moral high ground that she had got his stuck up mother in trouble with the police, he got dumped for a while, she had him back when the baby was three months old (both him and mothers turned up at hospital when she was giving birth four days later and made a huge fuss to try and get in), they were tipped off by a member of staff(so wrong,she never got into trouble for it either), that she had gone into early labour. the whole time he was guilt tripping her into having him back he was shagging a 18 year old, a woman he worked with and visiting a prostitutes in Plymouth, she only found out a year later when he left her.

he continued to a prize shit, she finally split with him when she was pregnant with her second he really pressurised her into having another, and he waited until she was past the termination point, emptied the joint bank accounts, her bank account, took out several credit cards in joint names, ran them up, and declared he had being having an affair, and he was leaving, turned out he had had a lot of affaires, shagged everything, she had to have STD checks, he visited a lot of prostitutes and charged it to their joint account, he told her that it served her right.

she had to pay him a lot of fuck off money,(the house and land were hers before she even met him), he also stole all her jewellery, one piece which remerged on a future wife (ten years later), the only piece she ever got back, mostly her grandmother's (father side)

She had a horrendous couple of years, juggling babies and trying to keep her businesses going, she got back to doing her beloved dressage, still has her horse (she had breed him and had the mother and several siblings) she had the time it happened, several other horses, some out on loan with friends, and some off in breeding programs,

she has lived for the last 16 years with a very very nice man (had one baby with), still has nothing to do with her mother, it was almost the last toxic thing she allowed to happen(mother phoned SS to report her as an unfit mother a few times, so had them pitch up), very nice children who are both at uni now, and have almost nothing to do with their father, he had access throughout their childhood, he loved taking her to court all the time, but now they are adults they have worked out for themselves how shallow he it,

He has had three marriages all to women much more wealthy than him, two children from each marriage, he has cheated on all of them, he is at the moment dating another wealthy woman, and has yet again reinvented himself, this time as a therapist, was teacher, he has been many many things.

I and others have recognised his second wife on here a couple of times, she has a distinctive set of circumstances, she is the one the jewellery turned up on, and told the police she bought it in an antiques market, photo proved otherwise.

they as a group decided she was 'mad' to want horses and babies, tried to get her to see "reason" , when she laughed them off (she had help, as she rented out livery space, so it wasn't an issue), they went behind her back, when she caught them, they tried to get the help (police) she summoned, to think she was a "mentallist" (their word), they had also all pressurised her into getting married when pregnant,

they also tried to remove her friends support group we all got a call or two telling us to stay away, they also tried to convince her doctor that she had MH problems,

Shame there wasn't MN in 1995, she really needed it, I will mention to her I wrote this, there were so many other parts to this, but it would fill a book.

So many people think of him as a nice guy, who is so unlucky with women, he's a twonk, who hits women, steals, hits children, worst thing is he works with children, for some reason he has never been done enough to not pass his checks.

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