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To be upset my dad seems really old and not the person I remember

(11 Posts)
goodiegoodieyumyum Fri 24-May-13 19:31:24

I last saw my dad 6 months ago and before that it was five years as he lives in Australia and having babies put a stop to expensive trips home for a while.

I don't know if it was just the jet lag but he looked so much older than he did 6 months ago. I didn't believe it when my sister told me he can't walk very far and gets breathless, I think I hate getting older as it means the people you love also get older.

KatyTheCleaningLady Fri 24-May-13 20:31:12

I'm sorry! I know what you mean. My father lives in America and visits every other year or so. It's always a shock when I see him. He's about 80, now, and the long journey really wears him out.

kilmuir Fri 24-May-13 20:33:30

Sounds like my father in law. he is nudging 80 and his physical health has deteriorated a lot in last 5 years. Not helped by fact he refuses to go and see his GP.
you are right, I still see my mum as being in her 40's, she can't be as I am in my 40's. ! she is nearly 70 but thankfully very well. But ironicaly yesterday she commented that she was now the oldest person in our close family network!

HellonHeels Fri 24-May-13 21:42:15

I know what you mean too. My mum lives on the other side of the world so I see her only every two or three years. I had a moment like this a few years ago. Suddenly my youthful mum had been replaced by an old woman. It was really shocking.

Annunziata Fri 24-May-13 22:02:35

My mamma is 86 this year. She looks terribly old too.

They're still the same person though.

<hugs>

rabbitlady Fri 24-May-13 23:11:08

its a shock when it happens and you see them regularly. it must be much worse when you only see them from time to time.

currently, my mum is doing some slow-dying. she's lost most of her hair and reminds me of an unreasonably pale, undernourished, baby orang-utan. she's been ill for a while and i'm quite used to it, but when i think of the woman who was my mother when i was young, they don't seem like the same person.

goodiegoodieyumyum Sat 25-May-13 07:59:13

Thanks for all your responses, sorry about your mum rabbit, hopefully we will have a nice day to day and it doesn't rain. Hopefully a good night sleep helped him to feel a bit better today, don't think my very noisy excited daughter helped too much with his jet lag yesterday.

minouminou Sat 25-May-13 08:19:45

In our family we age very well in every respect, but will at some point by the heart attack that statins, exercise and a low-cholesterol diet have been staving off since our teens.
It'll be in our sixties or seventies....there's been a warning shot across the bow for my mother recently.

OP....put it down to jet lag for now, enjoy the visit, and resolve to see your dad more frequently if you can. Even if it means meeting halfway and booking a cheapie villa/hotel package for a week.

cory Sat 25-May-13 08:37:59

I felt this the first time my parents visited me after I emigrated. I walked them back to the station and then had a little cry because they looked so old. They were then in their earlier 60s. They are 81 now and I don't really feel they are all that old.

ClairesTravellingCircus Sat 25-May-13 08:57:54

I know what you mean, I see my mum every 2-3 months but in the last couple of years she has been slowly becoming old... Not so much physically but getting a lot more set in her ways, repeating the same stuff, looking with suspicion at anything new.. She IS becoming a different person and I find it so sad.

goodiegoodieyumyum Sat 25-May-13 15:31:40

Have had a lovely day so far today, he is resting now something he didn't have to do 6 months ago but he looked better than he did yesterday, lucky he came half way around the world to see me and my family and not too much sight seeing. Off for a nice dinner later and then maybe a boat trip on the lovely canals of Utrecht tomorrow.

Actually my sister who he is seeing him next week pressured him into visiting as she didn't want to travel to Australia (he certainly wasn't interested in seeing the Netherlands where I live), in the end my mum talked her into going to Australia for a week for her 70th birthday later this year, she agreed as she felt guilty as it has been over six years since she has been home.

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