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To be terrified to leave the house with my baby

(61 Posts)
peacefuloptimist Fri 24-May-13 10:52:50

I was supposed to go to a mother and baby group today at the children's centre but I'm too scared to go out with the baby. sad There is a market tomorrow selling baby and children items but again I am scared to go.

I hate that I feel like this and know that's exactly what the far-right extremists and radical muslims want. To create a divided, suspicious society where people are fearful of each other. However I cant stop these images from running through my mind of my ds getting scared or injured if someone attacks me. I popped out yesterday to the local shop without him and I was on hyper-alert, crossing the road whenever I saw groups of people approaching; taking the long, quieter way back home to avoid people; not meeting anyone's eyes. I felt like everyone was watching me, disapprovingly.

I know a lot of it is in my head but I cant help it as I have experienced this sort of abuse before. When the war in Afghanistan happened I had someone shout Afghan at me (as if that's an insult hmm) and when the Iraq war happened it was Iraqi that was shouted at me. This is despite the fact I am neither from the Middle East or from the Indian sub-continent and definitely couldn't be mistaken for either. On the way back from work last year two men chanted EDL as I walked past them. In a separate incident a man announced loudly as I got on a packed bus going home from work carrying my grocery shopping that he had to walk past the 'Islamic bomber' to get off. No one said anything and I felt too intimidated.

It's incidents like this that make me really despair about my ds's future in this country. How can I put him in this situation where he is a despised minority and is fearful every time some idiotic, psychopath does something stupid? Yet this is the only country I know. I have grown up here and have no experience of living elsewhere and I don't speak any other language.

Just feeling very depressed about the whole situation as well as incredible sadness and sorrow for the family of the poor soldier and the people who had to witness that inhumanity.

ClaireDeTamble Fri 24-May-13 10:57:33

I'm so sorry you feel like this. I don't know what to say really apart from there are a few twats out there, but the vast majority of people aren't.

It's easy for me to say, because I have never been subject to that type of abuse, but don't lock yourself away - if you do, the idiots have won - but equally, I understand how hard it must be to wonder if you are going to be subject to that sort of verbal abuse every time you walk out of your front door.


Sending you a very un-mumsnetty hug.

wonderingsoul Fri 24-May-13 10:58:41

im very sorry you feel like this, and even sadder that you have expearanced such behaviour in the past. theres no excuse for it at all.

tuth is though, there is alot more kinder and better educated people then thouse racits twats.

peacefuloptimist Fri 24-May-13 11:00:43

Thank you Claire. Your post brought tears to my eyes. thanks Its hard to remember that the majority of people are decent and fair when you read such vitriol on the net.

badguider Fri 24-May-13 11:04:12

I'm so sorry to hear that and if I heard anybody in my city today abusing anyone for being muslim or looking like they have middle eastern heritage then i would stick up for them. (and i'm six months pregnant so if they got in my face i'm sure many others would stick up for both of us).

ClaireDeTamble Fri 24-May-13 11:06:54

I know.

I assume from your post you are Muslim? (Sorry if I've got that wrong?). Are there other mom's from your mosque you can talk to who will understand as they have probably been through similar situations?

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Fri 24-May-13 11:20:18

You poor, poor thing OP. It is vile that you have been made to feel scared and uncomfortable in the UK. Please believe that the overwhelming majority of people are disgusted by racism, prejudice and discrimination on grounds of skin colour or religious inclination.
Please go out and hold your head up. Xx

peacefuloptimist Fri 24-May-13 11:32:21

Thank you for all your lovely kind replies. They are really heart-warming. I'm not usually like this, at all. I'm always out and about on a normal day on my own. I work and live in an area that is not that diverse and usually I feel pretty safe. That's why today and yesterday feel so different because I feel so reluctant with even the idea of going out. I think its because of my ds. I'm going to have to face going out with him sometime though. [sigh]

ValenciaOrange Fri 24-May-13 11:46:17

I would definitely stick up for you if I heard people speaking to you like that. It makes me sad to think you feel so scared to go out. The majority of people would be equally disgusted to see you spoken to in such a prejudiced way. I know that isn't much help when you encounter ignorant bigoted people. I wish we could make it better for you.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Fri 24-May-13 12:14:39

Are you going to go out, OP? What about a quick walk to the shop and back just to get some fresh air and to hopefully get you used to being outside again. Imagine us all walking alongside you smile

moisturiser Fri 24-May-13 12:32:32

I'm so sorry anyone would shout abuse at you. That's horrendous. I'm not surprised you feel anxious right now but I hope that the bigoted idiots are in the minority and most people know not to behave so appallingly.

I hope you manage to go out for a bit. Would someone at the baby group walk there and back with you? Strength in numbers and all that. It might just make you feel a bit more secure.

peacefuloptimist Fri 24-May-13 12:32:51

propertyNIGHTmare, I'm really considering it. I have to return some library books. Its not too far away but I have to go through the town centre, where the EDL marched through yesterday. I'll have to let you know if I toughen up and get the nerve to do it though.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Fri 24-May-13 13:26:42

Let us know if you manage it and how it goes smile
Although you understandably feel unsettled and sad, don't let the so called EDL win.

BadgerFace Fri 24-May-13 13:36:18

I just wanted to add my support to you as well OP, I hope you managed to have a peaceful trip to the library. It can be scary enough leaving the house with a baby without that sort of thing to have to worry about.

Just ignore, ignore, ignore such ignorant horrible people, they are not worth your headspace.

And definitely get out to a baby group or Rhyme Time at the library or similar, I'm sure your DS will give someone a lovely smile and you can have a good chat with the other mums!

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong Fri 24-May-13 13:42:29

More support coming all the way from Italy.


There's nothing physical that MN can do for you this afternoon, but know that there are gerzillions of us holding your hand if you do go out. xx

workhouse Fri 24-May-13 13:46:00

Please, please know that most people are not like this. People that shout abuse in the street, or write vile things on facebook are not the majority.

The worst of the tension will blow over in a few days but do try to get out as much as you can, just small trips for essentials.

Hugs smile

ClocksInALine Fri 24-May-13 13:46:37

There was a sort this morning from a Porter who feel the same. So sorry you have been subjected to this utter crap!!!! If you lived near hear you could come to our group!

eccentrica Fri 24-May-13 13:47:15

I'm confused, why are people shouting this abuse at you if you couldn't be mistaken for someone Indian or Iraqi? Are you a white British convert to Islam?

fuzzywuzzy Fri 24-May-13 13:49:12

I'm so sorry you're going thro this. I've a friend who lives in Woolwich in an old army barracks that was converted to housing, she said when she got home Wednesday night with her husband people were just staring at them, she was terrified and then when she saw the news realisation dawned on her, she is also refusing to go out and is too frightened to take her little girl to nursery, worse thing for her is she is married to a Nigerian chap she said it must have looked awful to the people staring at her but it felt worse being her. she's very scared for her children.

Do whatever you feel to stay safe. I too was feeling so so so sad about the world I've bought my children into, there is so much hate out there right now its almost too much to bear.

OpheliasWeepingWillow Fri 24-May-13 13:54:10

angry For you OP.

Your post is so sad. We are not all like that. I'd stand up for you if people shouted at you or were shouting stupid things. Hold your head high and remember that the the bigots are all twats.

codswallopandchips Fri 24-May-13 13:56:17

(walking beside you in spirit) I'm so so sorry you feel like this today. I wish people could just be reasonable, tolerant and kind - there's no excuse for abusing people in the street for their faith or ethnicity, none whatsoever. Shame on them and shame on us for letting these things happen.

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 24-May-13 13:59:11

That's awful, peaceful I'm so sorry sad I agree with the suggestion to ask a friend to come and walk with you. Sending you strength x

HeySoulSister Fri 24-May-13 14:01:22

I don't think your alone op

My Muslim neighbour was trying to do the school run yesterday but I could see she was uncomfortable. When we got home I made her join our communal game of skipping with the kids. We all had a laugh and she even had a skip. She doesn't speak much English but we've always been friendly so why should that change?

OpheliasWeepingWillow Fri 24-May-13 14:07:13

eccentricia does it matter?

eccentrica Fri 24-May-13 14:17:25

ophelia coming from an actual ethnic minority myself, I.e. I can't do anything about the way I look, I think there is a distinct ideology around converts to Islam.

I have known a number of white British people who desperately wanted to have "ethnic minority status" and converting to Islam was a way to achieve this. And they always perceive far more prejudice against them for their political & religious choice than my friends from ethnic Muslim and other backgrounds.

Yes, I think it's different if,it's not racism.

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