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Am I selfish?

(16 Posts)
FrenchRuby Fri 24-May-13 10:06:22

Bit of background, me, dh, ds and dd live with mil, saving for a house. We get on well with mil, usually no problems, I mean there is the usual things that get a bit annoying but I guess that comes with living together and being around each other more than usual, nothing dramatic smile
Anyway, my dh recently got a new job, more hours. So is very very stressed, understandably! I do my best to make sure when he gets home he can sit down and not worry about stuff. On his days off we do everything equally, tidying, etc.
my sister is moving to another country in a few months, I barely get to see her as it is but she'll be halfway across the world so ill never get to see her sad so I said to dh that this weekend because I had a bit of spare money I'd go and see her, stay over and come back the next day (she lives far away) dh is working the Saturday but is off the Sunday, I arranged for someone to watch the kids until dh gets back from work on the Saturday and I'd be home at 3 on the Sunday. Dh is fine with this, he knows that I'd be gutted if I didn't see my sister before she goes.
So this morning mil is asking when dh has a day off this week so I say Sunday but I won't be here. And she pulls a funny face and says in a kind of disapproving voice 'oh, poor dh he's been working non stop, he must be exhausted, he'll never get a sit down'
Now I'm wondering if I'm being selfish? Dh will be working like this for the next 6 months, my sister leaves in 2. Aibu for going?

WorraLiberty Fri 24-May-13 10:09:34

YANBU or selfish

If your DH is tired, I'm sure his Mum will help him out.

MrsMangoBiscuit Fri 24-May-13 10:09:38

YANBU, and YANB selfish. DH is happy with it, so it's nothing to do with MIL. If she's that worried about poor DH having to look after his children for a while, she can get up with them and give him a lie in. grin

FrenchRuby Fri 24-May-13 10:12:24

Oh good smile I just felt a bit guilty, dh has been having a tough few weeks at work :/

WinkyWinkola Fri 24-May-13 10:13:05

Not selfish at all.

Your dh is a grown man. He can look after himself and say if he's not happy about it.

Your mil is being daft and making trouble.

DaveDeeDozyBeakyMickAndTitch Fri 24-May-13 10:13:39

Did you explain the situation to MiL?

FantasticDay Fri 24-May-13 10:13:48

You know you're not. Enjoy your day with your sister and don't give it another thought. (My mil once argued that I should change all the nappies because 'You wanted to have them and he does work very hard (while I just sit on my arse????) )

GhostOfTheRobot Fri 24-May-13 10:13:57


Can't she understand you're not going to see your sister?! Can you DH talk to her (when he gets a minute?) so she knows he's ok with it?

missrlr Fri 24-May-13 10:14:25

YANBU - if she is that worried about her DS she can get of her butt and do something about it.
You are both adults, he said yes less than nothing to do with her
Bloody guilt tripping relatives

FrenchRuby Fri 24-May-13 10:14:46

Yeah she knows, I was telling her all about where my sister is going and stuff. But dh is like the apple of her eye so I think she worries about him getting too tired.

FrenchRuby Fri 24-May-13 10:15:55

Mil does a lot for us, definitely not a mil complaint lol, I was jut worried that I was being selfish without realising.

chanie44 Fri 24-May-13 10:17:38


I think there is still a perception that men can't do what women have been doing for years!!!

OH has been a SAHD and mil commented that he was looking tired. I replied that Dd wasn't sleeping well and OH was having to see to her at night. Mil asked if OH was doing ALL the nights. I replied he was, but when I was on mat leave and OH was working, that's exactly what I did!!!

Its part and parcel of being a working parent.

mrsjay Fri 24-May-13 10:18:23

yanbu or selfish you are entitled to see your sister fgs I hope you get a house soon or your mil however lovely will be saying you are not looking after her baby a lot wink some people are old fashioned though think that wives should be at the beck and call around for husbands, <shrug> you just need to smile and nod and have a lovely time seeing your sister

LemonPeculiarJones Fri 24-May-13 10:19:08

Not selfish at all.

Enjoy seeing your sister smile

mrsjay Fri 24-May-13 10:20:06

fwiw My Mil was lovely but when she was with us she would say things like, oh can HE manage with the dds while he is out alone with them hmm yes Mil he can manage fine, but my mum was and is the exact same

FrenchRuby Fri 24-May-13 10:22:25

I think that's it. I can't wait to see my sister :D

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