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To be beyond livid.

(70 Posts)
Altinkum Thu 23-May-13 20:51:46

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Altinkum Thu 23-May-13 21:18:51

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LEMisdisappointed Thu 23-May-13 21:23:37

Why did your dads family do that to your mum? Why on earth are any of you having anything to do with that family now? It sounds horrendous flowers

wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 21:24:30

Blimey. People will tell you to calm down, you're in shock, but I think you absolutely have the right to assert yourself here. You are not next of kin but if you paid for the plot you have rights. Speak to the cemetery and explain the situation.

weisswusrt Thu 23-May-13 21:24:46

Um, have i missed something.....where will you be buried OP? Could the uncle be cremated and scattered next to his brother instead?

Altinkum Thu 23-May-13 21:24:58

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Altinkum Thu 23-May-13 21:27:53

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wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 21:28:38

These people need an exclusion order put on them to keep away from your mother - is there any way you can arrange that?

Altinkum Thu 23-May-13 21:30:59

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DontmindifIdo Thu 23-May-13 21:34:17

Who owns the plot? Is it your mum? If so, can you talk to her again, tell her you'll speak for her and you will tell your Uncle's family it's not happening - can she sign it over to you at all? If so, then it'll be your permission they need and they aren't getting it.

Given how they have behaved, I'd tell them they back down or you will start pushing your mum to go to the police over their behaviour and/or you'll get your father's remains moved. Someone needs to stand up to them (and your sister) you're going to have to do it, it doesn't sound like your mum is strong enough and it's not fair to expect her to be.

piprabbit Thu 23-May-13 21:38:35

Is the desire for your uncle to be buried next to your father coming from a place of reconciliation and love, or is to coming from an attempt to reclaim your father and prevent him being reunited with your mother when the time comes?

It does sound horrific, and I have to admit to not really understanding your sister's role.

thegreylady Thu 23-May-13 22:09:31

Tell them the photographs are on your mum's records and that you will not hesitate to use them if they persist in their bullying.
Your sister is behaving very very badly imho.

MummytoKatie Thu 23-May-13 22:10:35

Have you pointed out to your sister that, as she is presumably expected to outlive your mother, it is her plot that your uncle is taking?

BriansBrain Thu 23-May-13 22:15:33

Terrible situation all round. What does your sister have to say about it and who owns the plot of land?

cloutiedumpling Thu 23-May-13 22:23:24

Is it a Council owned cemetery? IME they are very helpful indeed in explaining who purchased a lair and who now requires to give consent before someone can be buried there.

Altinkum Thu 23-May-13 22:36:48

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wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 22:38:01

Who went to the undertakers and the cemetery and arranged the plot?

Altinkum Thu 23-May-13 22:40:20

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Altinkum Thu 23-May-13 22:43:17

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WandaDoff Thu 23-May-13 22:44:07

I own the plot that my Dad is in. Who own's your Dad's plot?

OHforDUCKScake Thu 23-May-13 22:44:11

I think your mum is understandably very scared and you need to be sympathetic towards her and not angry.

You've all suffered.

But your mum more than anyone from what you've said. I expect she, quite understandably, will do anything for a quiet life.

WandaDoff Thu 23-May-13 22:44:42

Sorry X post

wonderingagain Thu 23-May-13 22:49:46

Your Mum is the only one who can make decisions. A trip to a solicitor to sign something might be helpful, if your Mum is making decisions under duress it might protect her.

You could try a free hearing with a solicitor to see if there is anything you can do to protect her. Also, try talking to your sister, it may be that she is also under pressure.

Altinkum Thu 23-May-13 22:55:07

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LunaticFringe Thu 23-May-13 22:57:18

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AlbertoFrog Thu 23-May-13 22:59:58

Altinkum I am so sorry.

Do things have to be decided straight away? Are you able to send your mum an email, try to explain things rationally, without things getting heated over the phone?

Sounds horrific but perhaps your mum's new idea of cremation will be a blessing in disguise and you can think of a place (or places) with happy memories where her ashes can be scattered.

thanks to you.

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