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(70 Posts)
C999875 Thu 23-May-13 16:32:47

I gave birth by c/section, am I being unreasonable to feel resentment when women who had N.V.D's say "You cheated, or you had the easy way out". or are they right are N.V.D's worse that c/sections. Have any of you had both? which did you find easier.
Thank you in advance for any replies xx

Tailtwister Thu 23-May-13 18:40:27

Yes, of course major abdominal surgery is the 'easy way out'. Anyone who says that is a twat. Ignore and enjoy your baby!

Nineathena Thu 23-May-13 18:44:31

They must be effing kidding.

A c-sec is major abdominal surgery. It took me weeks to recover. I was sore for months.

No. It's not the 'easy way out'. I don't think there IS an easy way out.

mootime Thu 23-May-13 18:58:56

This "birth is a competition" crap annoys the hell out of me.
I've had three deliveries, one natural home birth and two elective c-sections. Sadly during the first my son was starved of oxygen and died a week after he was born. So in your friends eyes I cheated to make sure the other two arrived alive and well.
People forget that the whole point is to get a healthy happy baby at the end. Who gives a crap how that happens.
A generation ago there were a lot more stories like mine. Thank goodness for medical advances.

BonaDea Thu 23-May-13 19:00:33

Regardless of what is 'easier' the reality is I wanted to give birth o my pfb and wasn't able to. I suspect it probably is 'easier' for many but that doesn't mean anyone else has the right to comment.

noblegiraffe Thu 23-May-13 19:04:14

Instead of feeling resentment just say 'gosh, I know, posh people pay a fortune to get what I had for free, bloody marvellous grin'

idiuntno57 Thu 23-May-13 19:06:01

FFS Why are women so 'orrible to each other.

Giving birth in any fashion is difficult and has an impact on the woman. I had 'perfect' waterbirths with my DS 3 & 4, short and really enjoyable labours. Afterwards chronic PND which lasted 4 yrs in total.

I am not sure why we can't help each other celebrate the good parts and work through the more traumatic elements of childbirth but it seems we cant. I often think that if men were the bearers of children they might be a lot better at supporting each other. and use TONS of pain relief

Chocoflump Thu 23-May-13 19:11:02

I had a 38 hour labour...then needed an emergency C section, under general anaesthetic. Baby was incredibly sick, in an incubator in neo natal baby unit. I was so ill I couldn't see my baby for the first 2 days and needed 2 blood transfusions, then couldn't move for about 2 weeks afterwards.

What's easy about that?? hmm

MyDarlingClementine Thu 23-May-13 19:14:01

Yes there is a lot of resentment out there I have had both.

I was v scared during both, the difference was in labour I was scared for 7 hours solid, in un imaginable pain, never knowing when or how it would end.

With the section I was scared for about 15 minuets until they started and I knew it would all be over soon.

With the section the recovery was more intense, debilitating and harder, BUT I felt more recovered from it - when it happened than after first birth, never felt right for 5 years.

People who are not interested in a subject and do not research it - will I am afraid trot out the usual ignorant statements, about NHS resources, no need for sections, too posh to push....

The tide is turning though, I try and be as vocal as I can be about it being the right choice for me.

Joiningthegang Thu 23-May-13 19:15:03

I had 3 elected c sections - never had a contraction or internal exam due to childbirth - no-one ever commented and I really couldn't care less what anyone thinks about how my babies came into the world !
You are only unreasonable to care about others opinions

ratspeaker Thu 23-May-13 19:15:43

YANBU at all

I had someone say similar to me 20 odd years ago. I haven't spoken to her since.
I do not value the opinion of some one who makes a competition out of something you have no control over.

Childbirth is a major, life changing, emotional and physical event no matter how you give birth.

for the record
EMC after labour, baby distressed in SCBU a week.
Vaginal birth, forceps, stitches
EMC after labour, distressed baby fine as soon as delivered, me transfusions etc etc
Elective section, baby still ended up in SCBU

all hurt

Joiningthegang Thu 23-May-13 19:17:42

I don't know but just maybe they are joking and teasing - just laugh and tell them you are far too push to push - or that you didn't want your baby squashed - or just smile.

chunkymonkeybaby Thu 23-May-13 20:08:25

I had my ELCS due to psychological reasons, I chose to have the section. It wasn't easy but it wasn't horrendous either and I had a very good recovery. I don't know what VB is like so can't compare the two.

Most women do not choose to have a caesarean, and even if they do it is a valid choice. It is no-one else's business how a woman give birth, no-one should be commenting on it. Some women should be more supportive of others. No-one would think to comment on any other type of emergency [on non emergency actually too!) operation a person may have, it seems to me that it's always women who are fair game to be criticised, particularly when it comes to having babies.

All that matters is that mums and babies are happy and healthy.

chunkymonkeybaby Thu 23-May-13 20:15:38

You know what as well, even if a c-section WAS the easy way out (I'm not saying it is, I don't think there is an easy easy way out when it comes to having a baby) and it was a choice available to everyone, what would be wrong with them taking it? I can't think of any other medical procedure where a person is criticised for making things easier by, for example, taking advantage of pain relief or anaesthesia.

TooManyDicksOnTheDancefloor Thu 23-May-13 20:16:10

I've had both. First birth, natural, episiotomy that healed well. I was back on my feet straight away. Second birth, crash section after 20 hours labour. It's a lot harder to get out of bed and lift your baby after a section, I was also anaemic due to blood loss in theatre and felt like crap for a good week. I wasn't back to normal until three weeks later. I know which I'd choose if I did it again.

doublecakeplease Thu 23-May-13 20:16:27

My mum said this to me. Actually she says it a lot - i was shopping with her last week - bumped into her friend whose grandson had just bbeen born by section. My mum said - ooh, double had one - i wish we'd been offered the easy option too...

I reminded her that she'd never had emergency (or any other) abdominal surgery. I hated having a section and felt very out of control with it. As soon as i was mobile i was dragging myself and my catheter down to nicu where i sat on the lowest chairs imaginable all day for days - missing the painkillers being dished out and so in lots of pain because i was slightly crazed reluctant to leave poorly DS.

I was an idiot for not taking pain meds - certainly made recovery tough. I would never comment on someone elses birth though and my mum makes me very stabby when she says it!

CabbageLeaves Thu 23-May-13 20:21:01

Competitive birthing is vile

Wtf do some people think suffering is something to be admired, endured, proud of, a rite of passage, important or a competition.

I had two vag births and one planned c/s. The home birth and planned c/s were lovely. The horrendous POP birth would probably match a emergency section in terms of trauma. No one gave me a choice and had they.... I'd have opted for the easy one and poked anyone in the eye for judging me on that smile

SherbertStraws Thu 23-May-13 20:24:14

Does it matter which is harder? I had no idea it was a competition over who suffers the most. Absolutely barking

MostPeopleAreMad Thu 23-May-13 20:28:45

Sorry to hear that you've had to put up with comments like that, OP.

I've only had one DS - by C/S, as he was breech - so can't compare, obviously. The only person who's ever said anything to me about the manner in which he was delivered is my DH, who, even now (nearly seven years later), says that I didn't give birth properly. Oh, how I laugh whenever he says that hmm

Spice17 Thu 23-May-13 20:41:59

I had an EMCS with DD, meconium in waters, 12 days over, induced, laboured for 16 hours, head turned to side and not budging so they decided to whip her out (well, I say whip...)

I definitely don't think it was the easy way out, makes the early days harder. I was lucky as I had minimal pain, was up and out of bed about 6 hours after BUT, I have a scar with a lovely overhanging pouch - and that annoys me more that any stupid comments sad

If I have another DC, would have an ELCS if I could and I HATE needles.

FryOneFatManic Thu 23-May-13 21:08:14

DC 1 was elective CS, due to developing pre-eclampsia, plus DD was breech. I was told blood pressure was far too high to induce for a VB.

DC 2 was VBAC, and bloody quick. I did have stitches. Not for a tear, but because he scratched me internally on the way out as his hand was up by his head.

I would take a VB over a CS any day. It certainly was NOT the easy option.

Kasterborous Thu 23-May-13 21:09:07

I had a ELCS as my DD was breech. I must admit in some way I was relived not to have to go through labour. But it didn't stop me feeling I had taken the 'easy' way out. I later felt guilty that I hadn't had a 'natural' birth. No one ever said anything to me but I always seemed to find myself justifying myself to people. But at the end of the day it was taken out of my hands really, I didn't choose a section it was just the safest way for my daughter to be born safely. And I now look on it as the first sacrifice I made for her.

MoominsYonisAreScary Thu 23-May-13 21:15:20

I've had 3 vb an emcs and an elcs, the sections were worse even though my first vb was to an 11lb 2 oz giant!

The last time someone commented on the sections I told them in detail how lovely it was when the spinal started to wear off before the baby was even out and All I could have was gas and air.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 23-May-13 21:15:40

I would consider c section to be the very fucking hard way to have a baby. I would have been terrified and devastated to go through a major operation whilst awake. Thank God I have a stretchy fanny grin

parakeet Thu 23-May-13 21:47:03

I had two elective C-sections (out of choice, to avoid damage to pelvic floor) and I do feel it was taking the easy way out - compared with all the hideous birth stories you hear.

If anyone told me it was cheating, though, I'd laugh in their face. Cheating implies we are in some sort of competition, or that we are all have to bear the same level of pain. Screw that.

MoodyDidIt Thu 23-May-13 21:48:33

yeah pisses me off

one friend laughingly called me a wuss for having cs's :/

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