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AIBU not "gagging for it"

(37 Posts)
Sheffbear Wed 22-May-13 08:28:52

My DH has had (yet) another a go at me as he feels we are incompatible in the sex dept. i.e. he wants it all the time, I am happy with the once or twice a week (he claims that this is not "good" sex just doing it but TBH thats about as much I can cope with). He can't understand that as a mum of two (4 & 6), working full time and studying part time with absolutely NO help with any domestic duties ( I cook, clean, do all laundry etc etc etc) that I am absolutely exhausted. I have asked him on numerous occasions to start pulling his weight but if he doesn't get time do his "hobbies" he is unbearable to be with. I have challenged him to fnd someone in my situation who is gagging for it. AIBU?

kotinka Wed 22-May-13 08:32:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.


You say hes unbearable if he doesnt do his hobbies, in what way is he unbearable?

MrsMangoBiscuit Wed 22-May-13 08:35:43

Hell no YANBU. Does he realise that having to mother someone is an absolute turn off? As is being pestered for sex! How are you supposed to see him as attractive when you have to wash his socks and feed him all the time?

If he pulled his weight, you'd have more energy. You would also feel more repected, and respect him more in return. A capable man who looks after his family and pulls his weight is far more attractive than a whinging man-child.

I speak from experience. DH never used to pull his weight, but he's gotten a whole lot better. As his attitude and effort have improved, so has our sex life.

AmazingBouncingFerret Wed 22-May-13 08:35:57

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Tell there's nothing more unattractive than a bloke who whines in bed and is lazy everywhere else. Maybe he'll buck up his ideas then.

ChasingStaplers Wed 22-May-13 08:43:51

So lets get this straight, you:
Look after 2DC, work full time, study part time and do all the domestic stuff and have sex 1-2 times a week (am tired just writing that!)
And he:
(Presumably) works full time, does his hobbies otherwise becomes 'unbearable' and moans constantly that he's not getting enough sex.

I know who I think is unreasonable and it isn't you.
Tell him to quit whining, pull his weight around the house and if he really wants more sex maybe he should try spending quality time with you instead of doing his 'hobbies' (I notice it is 'hobbies' plural, not singular too)

Good luck OP.

GalaxyDefender Wed 22-May-13 08:44:15

YANBU. Your body is yours, and only you get to decide how often is enough sex for you. If your partner can't accept this, he's being a massive knob.

Dawndonna Wed 22-May-13 08:45:31

Why are you married to a man who considers you to be his slave?

pinkyredrose Wed 22-May-13 08:49:09

Tell him that men who pull their weight around the house are sexier .

He's treating you like a domestic appliance with a vagina attachment.

He doesn't seem to have much respect for you. I don't think most women would want to open their legs for a 'man' like that.

What would happen if you went on a housework strike?

Lonecatwithkitten Wed 22-May-13 08:53:12

Hmm my ExH was like this and then when I got carpal tunnel that prevented me from sleeping at night believe me sex was the last thing I wanted.
I cried said I needed help he promised to help, never did and went and had affair instead because he needed sex.
Now he is an ExH life is so much better - oh and I'm not so tired.
I did try the not doing stuff and he just moved clothes from bed to floor and floor to bed never actually putting anything away.

Featherbag Wed 22-May-13 08:57:30


TeWiSavesTheDay Wed 22-May-13 08:58:49

Sex 1/2 times a week is totally normAL - wouldn't be surprised if it was more tgdn average with small kids.

It is ragingly obvious to me, and I reckon most non-selfish people that if one person is doing everything, and is consequently knackered they aren't really going to be up for lots of sex.

I'm sorry that your husband is being a twat.

ageofgrandillusion Wed 22-May-13 08:59:41


WhereYouLeftIt Wed 22-May-13 09:17:35

You know at you are not being unreasonable. Now that you've done a 'sanity check' by running it past other people and they've confirmed it - what next?

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 22-May-13 09:19:54

Yes, what next? What a tosser (him, obv, not you!)

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 22-May-13 09:20:20

PS for a start, stop doing all the work round the house. Spend a bit of time indulging in your hobbies instead. Let him see what happens.

notmyproblem Wed 22-May-13 09:24:35

Reality check OP... how exactly is he bearable when he does his hobbies? Does bearable include not lifting a finger to pull his weight at home, pestering for sex and being a selfish entitled wanker?

I'd hate to see what his being "unbearable" is like. hmm

Pilgit Wed 22-May-13 09:26:21

it's hard to find someone sexy when there is resentment. he's being a twat. personally i'd withold all sexual activity until he pulled his weight as feeling like an over worked slave is a bigger turn off than imagining a naked john prescott....

JaxTellerIsAllMine Wed 22-May-13 09:29:36

oh come on now OP? Being a fulltime mum, worker, house cleaner, cook and sex slave - whats the problem? angry <sarcasm>

Your 'D' H is an arse and totally unreasonable.

Sex is a 'team' sport - the same as running a house and being a parent - he either steps up to support and help or I'd be having serious words, I wouldnt want to have sex with him either to be honest.

Wishiwasanheiress Wed 22-May-13 09:29:57

Do what I did, wrote a list of my 'duties' /responsibilities that I accomplished in a week and next to it his.

He soon realised why it was at the bottom and nearly off my list. Funnily enough, game is upped now. smile

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 22-May-13 09:31:40

I'm not surprised you're not gagging for it! You're running the house, working and studying and you're meant to be up for it every night? What exactly does he contribute? Why are you doing everything? Maybe point out that if he did his fair share you might have more time and energy. He sounds very selfish.

DrSeuss Wed 22-May-13 09:33:03

Does this man have no hands?!

dreamingbohemian Wed 22-May-13 09:33:22


Tee2072 Wed 22-May-13 09:35:49

I am hoping he's got some good qualities, because so far I see nothing to keep you together.

DrSeuss Wed 22-May-13 09:41:41

He's already a wanker.......

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