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to find being called 'non-maternal' an insult?

(18 Posts)
kenickielovesrizzo Mon 20-May-13 11:04:31

I am not particularly maternal and have no kids, despite being 'of age'. Some dick at work just called me 'non-maternal' and then said my biological clock was ticking. It's really pissed me off. Am I being super sensitive?

digerd Mon 20-May-13 11:10:47

No. Even if somebody thinks that, it is rude to say it to your face. How do they know anyway? Very ignorant thing to say.

StuntGirl Mon 20-May-13 11:46:20

Come on, you know he's being a dick.

squoosh Mon 20-May-13 11:50:20

Of course you're pissed off. I never fail to be amazed by random dickheads who feel they have the right to comment on women's fertility as though they're discussing X Factor or what sandwiches they're having for lunch.

Hope you put them in their place.

The whole world seems to be waggling their finger at women of a 'certain age' these days.


WilsonFrickett Mon 20-May-13 11:54:09

He was being a cock. How rude!

But in another context, as in discussing it with someone who is not a cock, no, I don't think being non-maternal is an insult. It's insulting to assume all women are maternal and want nothing more than a ickle bundle of babykins to complete them.

totallystumped Mon 20-May-13 12:04:50

I've got children and I don't think anyone would describe me as maternal grin

Is he after your job?

terriblelie Mon 20-May-13 12:09:47

It's a term I'd use to describe myself (I have one dc) and I don't see it as an insult grin. I am actually quite relieved that I can approach parenting decisions in a rational way and not get overwhelmed by emotions, which often result in making poor choices imo.

The comment about the biological clock was pretty rude, though depending on your age it might well be a factual observation.

FasterStronger Mon 20-May-13 12:12:32

but isn't it weird that a colleague talks about the OP's biological clock? a male employee referred to my menopause in a 'comedy' way (I am in my thirties).

I would not think suggesting a male co-worker was impotent was funny. in fact I don't consider their dicks in any way!

squoosh Mon 20-May-13 12:13:59

There are many 'factual observations' that should never be verbalised. Work places would be bloody and violent places if we did.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Mon 20-May-13 12:17:04

Don't give him another thought. He's clearly an arse.

Don't you know that the function of all women is to have lots and lots of babies and then spend their time cooking and cleaning and pleasing their lord and master wink

Look. There are women who want children and they should have them. There are women who don't want children and they sure as hell should not have them! It's not fair to a child to have a mother who doesn't want to be one.

If we were all breeding like rabbits, we'd be three layers deep in kids by now grin

Tell him you smashed your biological clock to bits with a hammer and if he ever dares to comment on your reproductive choices again, you'll use that same hammer to severely limit his!

TheFlipsideOfTheCoin Mon 20-May-13 12:45:14

I think he was rude but I don't think "non maternal" is an insult!
You practically used that term in your original post!

FasterStronger Mon 20-May-13 12:59:38

but recognising something in yourself is not the same as someone else saying it.

I am fat, could be a positive realisation
You are fat isn't the same thing.

PeggyCarter Mon 20-May-13 13:06:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Potteresque97 Mon 20-May-13 13:17:37

Inappropriate for work but it depends on the intent behind it, I've been called maternal by work colleagues a few times when in my early 20s and took it to mean a bit plump and mumsy...Given the follow up, is it possible he was being a well meaning d1ck? If you suspect he meant to be nasty, it's a different thing than just a bit inappropriate.

Peevish Mon 20-May-13 13:18:05

I have a baby, therefore I am a mother. Whether that lines up with other people's frequently ill-founded and stereotypical ideas about what constitutes 'maternal' or not is anyone's guess. Certainly, there was an awful lot of surprise when I announced my pregnancy... But YANBU to be annoyed at idiotic colleague's comment. Suggest politely that he worries more about his own testicles and less about the state of your ovaries, the twit.

Crinkle77 Mon 20-May-13 13:49:45

YANBU. I hate it when people assume that just because i don't want children of my own that I must hate kids. I must admit I did feel a bit that way until my nieces came along but that was because we had never had any babies in our family and I just did not know what to do with them. After my own nieces came along I became more confident. I love cuddling babies and playing with my friends kids. I just don't want any of my own.

Noorny Mon 20-May-13 13:51:42

Perhaps I am over-reacting here but I would see that as some form of sexual harassment or discrimination. He has no right whatsoever to comment on your fertility. It is disgusting.

kenickielovesrizzo Mon 20-May-13 16:16:26

Thanks everyone for these kind, supportive comments. Since the whole 'fertility' thing is a little raw, given that i'm 'meant' to have had a kid by now, I wasn't sure wether it just touched a nerve or was a dickish comment. I'm going with the latter now!!

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