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Aibu to not want people who *know* they are ill to visit .

(16 Posts)
Tequilatequila Sun 19-May-13 10:34:48

This really winds me up. Im a very anti germ person. Not one of those omg every surface needs dettol people.. i understand natural immunity but ilike things clean. Its happened a good few times now where the in laws have insisted on visiting when they all know they are ill. Im not just talking about a case of the sniffles.. i mean they have had d&v and moaned all over fb about how bad it is and how poorly they are.. then they show up and when im hmm its like "oh no.. ones just eaten too many sweets.. ones teething and the other ones not even ill" *she had d&v too.

Its happened a few times.. they have no concept of germs and make me out to be high maintenence after they have put alk of their snotty dirty toys on my dining room table and clearly werent welcome. This time its measles and im heavily pregnant.. although im immunised i just dont want to be around their germs when they know they have them. Id just rather stay away. Im fine saying that to them but then they all start bitching about me like im really unreasonable and overly protected. It would be different if it was just a cold or they diddnt know but it angers me so much. Aibu?

CloudsAndTrees Sun 19-May-13 10:36:01

YANBU. People like this are plain selfish and inconsiderate.

CrapsWithBears Sun 19-May-13 10:39:59

YANBU. I hate that teething excuse too, when I worked in nurseries everything was teething. Projectile vomiting? Teething. Green spots? Teething. Arm fell off? Definitely teething.

whoopwhoopbib Sun 19-May-13 11:09:06

Yanbu I hate people who do this too. One bil is no longer speaking to us as I wouldn't let them bring their son round when he had chickenpox and dd was only 10 weeks old!!

Some people just do not care or think about others, I have been known to check whether or not someone has a coldsore before they touch dd as I do not want her to suffer from them as I do.

I do wonder how many illnesses would survive if people stayed in until they were actually well again.

CatsRule Sun 19-May-13 12:36:26


My selfish inlaws think nothing of infecting my ds...who they claim to just love so much they just have to see him! Same inlaws who didn't want to know us including their own son prior to us having our ds...and the same inlaws who didn't know how to get to our house...oh yes that would be the same house we've lived in for 14 years!

They clearly don't care enough about him or us when they knowingly do that...especially when they hear he is unwell and go on about it being such a shame! Yes it is...and avoidable in most cases!

And don't get me started on people vile inlaws who insist on touching his food, putting their fingers in his mouth etc all with their unwashed smokey dirty fingers!

Care about ds...definitely not. Care about themselves and their selfish wants...most definitely yes.

Lovingfreedom Sun 19-May-13 12:44:21

YANBU...I hate it when people put on a brave face and come over when they are ill and full of germs....almost as much as I hate it when certain friends cry off due to kids being ill when I know it's just that they themselves have a hangover or can't be arsed getting the car out.

Blu Sun 19-May-13 12:49:41

Grrr at anyone who socialises inside the quarantine period for D&V / Noro, or any significant infectious disease.

Or who brings their children, dripping with a full on cold, to visit when you are in the middle of a long stary in hospital with your small child.... angry

Acandlelitshadow Sun 19-May-13 12:52:24


MIL came to see newborn eldest dc in hospital the day after birth. Wouldn't wait despite the fact it was a traumatic birth ending in emergency CS so both of us not exactly tip top condition. First thing she said was her DP had had D&V overnight although apparently she was OK hmm

I could cheerfully have slaughtered her angry

MiaowTheCat Sun 19-May-13 12:56:00

Relative rolled up Christmas Day... "Oh we've all got horrible chest infections but I wanted to bring the kids to get their presents anyway."

I'm there - pregnant but not pregnant enough to go get things like the whooping cough jab done, my baby DD1 is there as well and this pillock rocks up with her two kids - eldest spluttering like mad and her newborn barely able to breathe and later hospitalised with whooping cough.

Oh how warm, fuzzy and festive I felt at the idea of a potential extra Christmas gift for us all! Could have fucking killed her since she basically bragged that the kids were ill.

Dolallytats Sun 19-May-13 13:31:23

YANBU-DH was sick last night and I really wanted to pack him a suitcase and kick him out for a few days!!

Instead I got him some water and made him sleep in a different room!!

In my defense, I have a vomit phobia.....he was grateful to get the water!!

CrapBag Sun 19-May-13 16:39:22


I have a friend like this. She blames it all on teething though. I have never known a child to teeth like hers does. Being sick, yet again, teething, permanently snotty nose, teething.

She does have form for carrying on doing stuff even when she knows her child is ill because she doesn't want it to affect her life. A little while ago we were in the playground and she was telling me about how her DD had been sick the night before. Her DD was running around with all the other children. I pointed out that should she be doing that because others could catch it and her reply was "well I can't stop her can I"

It is rude and annoying and purely because the ill person doesn't want their plans to be inconvenienced by illnesses.

Cherriesarelovely Sun 19-May-13 16:44:00

Yanbu at all. The only thing I would say is that I have been unwell alot in the past year and Dd seems to go through phases of having every bug going. I am starting to feel embarrassed at the number of times we have had to cancel plans with friends because one of us is ill. That said I would never show up regardless. Hope you manage to escape the bugs this time!

Ilikethebreeze Sun 19-May-13 16:53:59

My own family used to be the same.
But I carried on insisiting.
Eventually they realised that it was not fair for their grandchildren to catch whatever they had, and for it to result in possible and probable hospital admissions. And they have bent over backwards ever since to be cautious.
Persevere in a nice way op.

pigletmania Sun 19-May-13 19:05:19

Yanbu it is very selfish and inconsiderate

YoniOneWayOfLife Sun 19-May-13 19:29:30

Conversely, I get irritated by MIL people who insist that she they must have caught pneumonia a cough from my slightly sniffly DC that she they spent an hour in the same room as but completely ignoring rather than the person she they sat next to on the train who coughed over her them for 5 hours non-stop.

Or my parents other people who claim to have caught D&V from my DC, a fortnight after they last saw them and a month after DC were last sick even though their food hygiene is more than lax and they never wash their hands after emptying the litter tray

Cravey Mon 20-May-13 01:21:33

YANBU this drives me mad, although after a huge row last xmas my family are now pretty good at staying away if they are ill. I have no immune system and am on antibiotics all the time. So why oh why did my dimwit sister in law think it was ok to bring her child to mine covered in bloody chicken pox ? I have learnt the hard way to be rude and say sorry I can't let you in.

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