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ro be upset with dh for lack of thought

(84 Posts)
Spinme307 Sun 19-May-13 09:59:32

I'm pretty sure i'm not but usually things have a way of being my fault most of the time....

Yesterday I was very very hurt and upset by something that happened with my parents and my brother but that's a whole other thread.

At around half 8 last night I just needed some space and time to myself so went out for a drive and tbh a good sob to myself. Dh knew why I had gone for a drive and why I was so upset.

After I had got it of my system I drove home expecting dh to give me a big hug and tell me I'm loved and its their problem not mine. But no....he'd gone to bed and was fast asleep.....the only one there for me was my cat.

I felt so hurt that my dh wasn't waiting to comfort me and that his bed was more important. it wasn't late it was half ten

Yettish Sun 19-May-13 10:02:14

YABU for going for a drive when you were upset. You need full, calm attention to drive safely. Driving while upset or angry is as dangerous as driving drunk. Next time, go for a walk.

HollyBerryBush Sun 19-May-13 10:02:32

I find it odd you left the house to be by yourself and have a cry and expect someone to be waiting to comfort you. In a normal relationship you'd have talked it through with DH and he'd have cuddled you if you were upset. I find it peculiar he wasn't your first port of call in such a situation.

Possibly because you isolated yourself he didn't want to encroach on your time.

WannaBeANinja Sun 19-May-13 10:02:59

maybe he was tired!

TheCutOfYourJib Sun 19-May-13 10:03:34

Well he was obviously tired if he was fast asleep. You sound a bit needy.

Casmama Sun 19-May-13 10:04:29

Does this sort of thing happen often because your expectations are very specific?
You wanted space and he gave you space.

CajaDeLaMemoria Sun 19-May-13 10:05:13

You went for a drive on your own suggesting that you didn't want to talk about it. You even said you wanted to be on your own. I think you gave too many mixed signals, and he probably thought he was doing the right thing to give you space.

LeaveTheBastid Sun 19-May-13 10:05:27

If you wanted comfort you should have stayed home confused you can't say you needed space hen expect him to be waiting with open arms when you decide you need him now.

He probably thought he was doing you a favour being out of your way when you got home.

Unless you specifically said "could do with a hug when I get home" them YABU. He isn't psychic.

CrapsWithBears Sun 19-May-13 10:05:48

I'm agreeing with Holly and Jib it does seem pretty needy and unreasonable that you expect him to be waiting for you, when clearly you'd made an effort to isolate yourself.

thanks about your family upsetting you.

LEMisdisappointed Sun 19-May-13 10:05:52

I think he was selfish, i would have been worried sick if my partner did this - i would have of course respected their need to be alone, but i would be damned sure i wouldn't have gone to bed! I may well have fallen asleep on the sofa blush but i would have waited up.

Sorry that you are having a crap time.

CrazyOldCatLady Sun 19-May-13 10:06:21

If you wanted space and time to yourself he probably thought you didn't need him. How was he supposed to know that when you got home, your requirements would have changed? He's not psychic, presumably?

LEMisdisappointed Sun 19-May-13 10:08:19

I think the other posters here are being a bit harsh - sometimes when upset is raw, you need time to process it, you may want to get away from your usual environment and be alone to do this. I would have thought that once the OP got her thoughts straight, she would have appreciated a cuddle and a bit of sympathy when she got home. I can't see any way in which it is needy.

Yettish Sun 19-May-13 10:08:34

I think he was selfish, i would have been worried sick if my partner did this

I think this is what OP wanted - for her partner to be worried sick about her driving around on her own and sobbing, enjoying the drama.

He had more sense than to play that stupid game.

Spinme307 Sun 19-May-13 10:09:17

I didn't drive far just to the park as my dh isn't the talking type and I didn't want my dd's to hear me crying and upset especially when it was over their grandparents who they are extremely close to.

I just thought he'd be there just to hug me

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sun 19-May-13 10:10:02


Why put the boot in to an upset OP?

DiscoDonkey Sun 19-May-13 10:10:48

Think Yabu about your dh. Sorry your parents have upset you though.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sun 19-May-13 10:11:09

Re your DP..he maybe handles stuff differently and thought you needed space?

pictish Sun 19-May-13 10:11:29

Don't take it too hard OP. He didn't know that was what your expectations of him were.

Vividmemories Sun 19-May-13 10:12:04

How was he meant to know you wanted that? You left him home with the DDs, he was tired and went to bed, probably in anticipation of a hard day ahead (ie today, looking after DDs while you're upset).

DiscoDonkey Sun 19-May-13 10:13:10

Sadly I think it's a common theme on mn these days to be as harsh as you can on an OP. it almost like a sport for some posters.

CloudsAndTrees Sun 19-May-13 10:13:31

You are obviously upset, and there's nothing wrong with wanting a hug and some emotional support from your DH. But by going out you basically told him that you didn't need that and that you wanted space to be on your own.

You can't tell someone that you want to be alone and then expect them to be a mind reader and know that you do actually want them around and at what time.

LEMisdisappointed Sun 19-May-13 10:14:12

Yettish - if the thing that upset her was her DH then yes, you could argue that she was being a drama llama but it was something else, she wanted time to process then a hug when she got home. I think it was pretty shitty for her DH to take himself off to bed without making sure she was ok when she got back. Maybe his empathy levels are on par with yours!

moogy1a Sun 19-May-13 10:14:43

I didn't want my dd's to hear me crying and upset
Sweet lord, how loudly were you planning on crying??
All sounds a bit amdram to me

LEMisdisappointed Sun 19-May-13 10:15:36

I think this is one of those threads with a fair few sheep on it

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Sun 19-May-13 10:15:57

YABU. He's not psychic. Unless I was specifically told otherwise, I'd presume that someone who was upset and went for a drive alone for 2 hours, actually wanted to be alone.

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