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This is neglect isn't it?

(51 Posts)
donkeyfoot Sat 18-May-13 13:00:16

Posting here because of the high traffic.

I'm friends with a girl i have known since we were kids. She's neglecting her children terribly and i have spoken to her, helped her out etc.. but it's too much for me.

She's living in a 2 bed house with tiny garden with her partner and 5 children. She has 2 dogs, 3 cats, 3 big fish tanks, rabbits, guinea pigs, lizards..the list of pets goes on. Her house is tiny and she can barely fit anything in it never mind more bloody animals.

Both her and her partner sign on, he works on the sly. The kids are never washed, their clothes are rotten and holed. The kids are always ill with asthma, eczema, or any illness.

I always thought she was depressed and just couldn't cope until her 12 year old told me her partner was smoking weed in the house!! Right in front of the bloody babies! One is only 4 months old and he answered the door to me with fag in his mouth just the other day. This child is now on a nebuliser for some other illness.

Her house is something else, it's like something off how clean is your house. She doesn't care either, neither do her parents. They say they're happy and that's all that matters. Fair enough but she has registered the children as living with her mother so the doctor doesn't see the state they are living in.

Her partner spends £100 a week just on weed. Money that could feed and clothe those poor kids.

I don't know what to do, theirs only so many times i can clean her house and help her. What should i do?

SweetSeraphim Sun 19-May-13 21:02:34

Did you speak to someone at SS, OP?

scarlettsmummy2 Sat 18-May-13 22:01:31

I would phone social services. Wouldn't have to think twice.

SweetSeraphim Sat 18-May-13 21:57:50

What happened donkeyfoot?

topsyandturvy Sat 18-May-13 21:50:55

Come on people!! Why would the benefits know that they are registered as living at the Grans with the gp and health visitor.

What they mean is, the whole family, mum, dad and kids, have a registered home address of "Grans" on the gp, midwife and health visitor records. So i there is ever a home visit it will be at grans house. Although this is also a bit of a red herring as if friend used to live at grans then she may prefer to keep the same gp instead of switching to a different one near her new house.

I wondered that about the benefits and the gran? Unless she just passes it all back to the parents?

spidersandslugs Sat 18-May-13 18:01:44

Good on you op!

It's appalling that the dc's father spends 100 quid a week on his habit, yet the dc are not clothed adequately & are essentially living in poverty. So sad that this happens. Poor kids

TigerSwallowTail Sat 18-May-13 17:36:36

Do they rent their home from the local council?

lljkk Sat 18-May-13 17:23:30

Come back OP, tell us how you're feeling.

Finola1step Sat 18-May-13 16:24:59

You are quite right about ringing ss.

The fact that your friend has registered the children with the GP at her mum's address and the previous scrubbing of flat for ss visit is very revealing. It shows that she knows that the way in which she lives with the children is wrong and she is trying to cover it up. She knows its wrong and chooses to continue.

You have done the right thing by those children. I just hope ss actually do something.

lunar1 Sat 18-May-13 16:16:00

Well done for ringing ss op, I think you are doing the only thing possible to help. Sounds like you have tried enough on your own before.

DontmindifIdo Sat 18-May-13 16:12:38

i think you are doing the right thing calling SS. Hope you've made it clear about the clean up before visits.

(I also think RSPCA might be interested in the animals welfare)

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Sat 18-May-13 16:11:41

Call everyone. Ss nspcc environmental health and RSPCA! Poor kids and animals sad

Oodsigma Sat 18-May-13 16:10:50

Report to RSPCA too re the animals. They may potentially be an extra observer for SS too.

LeoTheLateBloomer Sat 18-May-13 16:09:11

Poor children sad

The parents must realise they're in the wrong or they wouldn't have cleaned so much last time SS came in. OP I really hope they agree to an unannounced visit. Well done for ringing them.

Hashtagwhatever Sat 18-May-13 16:08:32

Oh sorry I must have missed that bit of op.

spidersandslugs Sat 18-May-13 16:05:49

Report them to ss asap, please!

Sirzy Sat 18-May-13 16:04:15

What a horrible situation I think you are right and this is the limit of how you can help. Its good that the daughter has confided in you, perhaps you could encourage her to tell a trusted teacher at school to who can then record things and get things rolling from there side aswell.

shallweshop Sat 18-May-13 15:59:37

Hashtag, if you read the post you will see that she has tried to have it out with her friend several times.

lljkk Sat 18-May-13 15:59:09

I think she has, HashtagW, screamed and shouted. With no effect.

Hashtagwhatever Sat 18-May-13 15:53:30

Why havent you just had it out with you friend? ?

lljkk Sat 18-May-13 15:44:35

I don't think RSPCA will act just because they haven't been wormed, but filthy and underfed would make them act.

Are SS understanding about how it needs to be an unplanned visit?
There must be a hotline you could ring for the benefit fraud, too.

phantomnamechanger Sat 18-May-13 15:20:43

this all sounds very wrong. How are they managing financially for him to smoke £100 of weed a week??

if the children are in the state you say (bedraggled and dirty and often ill) then surely the school/s are well aware of this family's home life? Children are remarkably straightforward in telling it how it is - they don't see their home life as being "wrong" or "abnormal" and would let things slip out in everyday convo at school. Any hints of this level of neglect, the tecahers would have HAD to act on it.
Sounds like the RSPCA ought to visit too IMO. If they cant even keep the kids clean and healthy what state are the animals in? bet they are not all up to date on their worming etc? (Again - how can they even AFFORD to keep all those animals??)

AmberLeaf Sat 18-May-13 13:48:21

How odd.

You said she is on benefits, so as the children don't officially live with her, she wouldn't be eligible for some of them, child benefit/child tax credit/portion of housing benefit etc.

If all the children were officially living with her, she would be eligible for a bigger home too, instead of being cooped up in a 2 bed.

Sarahplane Sat 18-May-13 13:35:06

definitely phone and make sure ss know to do an unplanned visit.

RandomMess Sat 18-May-13 13:34:16


Hopefully the 12 year old will be brave enough to be honest with SS

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