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This is neglect isn't it?

(51 Posts)
donkeyfoot Sat 18-May-13 13:00:16

Posting here because of the high traffic.

I'm friends with a girl i have known since we were kids. She's neglecting her children terribly and i have spoken to her, helped her out etc.. but it's too much for me.

She's living in a 2 bed house with tiny garden with her partner and 5 children. She has 2 dogs, 3 cats, 3 big fish tanks, rabbits, guinea pigs, lizards..the list of pets goes on. Her house is tiny and she can barely fit anything in it never mind more bloody animals.

Both her and her partner sign on, he works on the sly. The kids are never washed, their clothes are rotten and holed. The kids are always ill with asthma, eczema, or any illness.

I always thought she was depressed and just couldn't cope until her 12 year old told me her partner was smoking weed in the house!! Right in front of the bloody babies! One is only 4 months old and he answered the door to me with fag in his mouth just the other day. This child is now on a nebuliser for some other illness.

Her house is something else, it's like something off how clean is your house. She doesn't care either, neither do her parents. They say they're happy and that's all that matters. Fair enough but she has registered the children as living with her mother so the doctor doesn't see the state they are living in.

Her partner spends £100 a week just on weed. Money that could feed and clothe those poor kids.

I don't know what to do, theirs only so many times i can clean her house and help her. What should i do?

brainonastick Sat 18-May-13 13:04:54

Why don't you talk it through with the nspcc, they could give you a steer on whether to involve social services or not?

AgentZigzag Sat 18-May-13 13:05:22

It sounds awful.

What's happened to make you want to report it now if it's been going on for so long?

How have you managed to square in your mind seeing children living in shit with rotting clothes and not doing anything until now?

lizabeth0607 Sat 18-May-13 13:06:28

What a horrible situation, I really feel for you. Those poor children and animals. I would sit down with her one last time and explain how you are trying to help her, be understanding but firm, she needs to be told. If she still doesn't clean her act up I would contact social services, the children's health and safety is more important than anything else. What a horrible situation sad

littlewhitebag Sat 18-May-13 13:09:12

As a SW i would say that you need to pass this on to social services. They will visit and determine if the family need support in making things better for the children. Some people just stick their heads in the sand and need a massive wake up call to make positive changes. You can tell your friend or not. Either way - report it.

StealthOfficialCrispTester Sat 18-May-13 13:09:21

Yes, why only now?
and btw both parents are neglecting the children. Most families with depressed mothers have clean, well cared for children.

donkeyfoot Sat 18-May-13 13:10:07

It sounds like i'm slagging her off and wearing my judgy pants but i'm not. I really care about what happens to those kids.

Social services have been called once before and the place was scrubbed clean before they arrived. They sent her a letter letting her know they were coming for a visit! Why would they do that?

I'm so frustrated with her, i could just shake her and her partner.

Juniperdewdropofbrandy Sat 18-May-13 13:11:29

sad Those poor dcs. Report and now.

littlewhitebag Sat 18-May-13 13:11:30

Tell SW this when you phone. We do unannounced visits to referrals like this.

LuckyLuckyMe Sat 18-May-13 13:11:51

It is neglect. Most depressed women have some semblance of a clean house and clean, well-fed DC.
Is this how your friend and partner were raised? They may actually not see a problem.

FarBetterNow Sat 18-May-13 13:11:53

Do they not have visits from the Health Visitor?

donkeyfoot Sat 18-May-13 13:13:08

Stealth, me and my other mates didn't realize just how bad the situation was. We'd pop in from time to time and clean for her and just generally help out.

What made me really sit up is the weed being smoked in the home. The 12 year old came and spoke to us all and let us know how bad in had become.

I have told both parents, shouted screamed! Who do you think called ss? me.

ParadiseChick Sat 18-May-13 13:13:28

Tell someone in a position to decide whether or not it is neglect.

donkeyfoot Sat 18-May-13 13:14:11

Far, they go to the nans house which is just across the road when the hv visits. Same with the doctor.

donkeyfoot Sat 18-May-13 13:15:02

Right i'm going to phone ss again. This can't go on, i can't sleep with worry about those kids.

donkeyfoot Sat 18-May-13 13:16:14

I should point out that the partner is father to only one of the kids and he doesn't give a crap about the rest of them.

Juniperdewdropofbrandy Sat 18-May-13 13:16:37

Good phone now. They should have an emergency number? Tell them about the big clean up they do if they find out SS are coming.

rabbitlady Sat 18-May-13 13:17:44

how do you know how much he spends on drugs?
anyway, report again, for your own peace of mind. maybe they have been round and think all is well.

Juniperdewdropofbrandy Sat 18-May-13 13:18:33

rabbitlady she's his dealer grin

Sorry lame joke wink

donkeyfoot Sat 18-May-13 13:20:25

The daughter told me he was smoking weed in the house, i went round and confronted the partner. My mate said he had got the habit down from £150 a week to £100 so they had more money for bills and the like hmm

Apparently because he doesn't drink this is ok ff.

brainonastick Sat 18-May-13 13:21:37

The 12 year old is asking for help, you must call social services.

TheCrackFox Sat 18-May-13 13:21:40

Phone SS but make sure you mention that they deep cleaned prior to the last visit.

SS might give them the kick up the arse they need but they can also offer support as well.

Buzzardbird Sat 18-May-13 13:25:36

Juniper, norty! grin

donkeyfoot Sat 18-May-13 13:31:22

On the phone to them now.

AmberLeaf Sat 18-May-13 13:31:50

She has registered the children as living with her mother?

So presumably her mother would be in receipt of the child benefit etc?

So they don't officially live with her?

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