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To think that just because I'm pro-life doesn't mean I hate feminism?

(813 Posts)
TinkerSailerSoldierSpy Sat 18-May-13 12:38:25

Friend and I were having a discussion, I'm 18 weeks pregnant, and it was a bit of an inconvenient surprise, considering I've started a new job just 2 months ago.I mentioned that it wasn't going to look good, me taking maternity leave after not even being there for a year, and she suggested perhaps considering there was no dad on the scene and my new job, I should terminate. I felt a bit uncomfortable but told her that I could never do that as I'm pro life and view it as killing a child. She then proceeded to stare at me like I had an extra head and ask me why in a shocked voice. I explained my reasons and views and we got into an arguement about it, the usual stuff, what about in cases of rape and if the woman's not financially able to support the child, to which I countered but is it right for a woman to get an abortion just because she wants to continue a party lifestyle? And she stormed out the house shouting that I was misogynistic and women have the right to their own bodies. Let me be clear, I certainly would never stop anyone from making their decision about an abortion, I just can't seem to get over the idea of it, it repulses me. But I wouldn't judge a woman who got one. I understand the other viewpoint but I can't agree with it myself, and in all other respects I would say i was very liberal about womans rights. When I mentioned it to other friend she said it was my views but they were quite outdated and misogynistic. Are they? I need advice, should I apologize to friend A?

FreudiansSlipper Sat 18-May-13 13:00:45

maybe it is just the wrong time to have this discussion

when I found out I was pregnant with ds everything seemed to be going against me, his dad turned on me, I knew I would loose my job but I felt attached as soon as I saw that blue line

I am pro choice but for me it just was not an option and I have known others to be pro life and change their minds and had a termination

Sparhawk Sat 18-May-13 13:01:19

I think people are confusing being 'pro-life' with not personally wanting an abortion. There's a difference between thinking that women shouldn't be legally allowed an abortion and thinking that you don't want one yourself.

sweetestcup Sat 18-May-13 13:01:27

What a narrow minded, ignorant and disgusting reply you gave to the question about rape.

WorraLiberty Sat 18-May-13 13:01:56

however easy access to an abortion for a woman who just can't be arsed to be a mother bothered me.


Are you saying that being female, we should automatically want to be parents?

StealthOfficialCrispTester Sat 18-May-13 13:01:57

the rape and party lifestyles comment was a bit odd, and other than that the OP sounds quite reasonable. I'd like to hear her explanation.

MidniteScribbler Sat 18-May-13 13:02:05

I think you might have lost the argument when you brought up the rape and party lifestyle in the same sentence.

Decoy Sat 18-May-13 13:02:21


StuffezLaYoni Sat 18-May-13 13:02:40

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

StealthOfficialCrispTester Sat 18-May-13 13:04:21

x post OP. That still doesn't really make any sense

barebranches Sat 18-May-13 13:04:53

i def dont think op views are repulsive. i agree with her actually. Some women do seem to see abortion as a form of contraception and thats repulsive. you choose to have sex... you know what can happen!! if u cant care for a child dont have sex... its not hard!!!!
not talking about rape before i get flamed

Asheth Sat 18-May-13 13:05:14

Perhaps you should both apologise! I think it was very insensitive for her to suggest an abortion to you at 18 weeks - presumably you have had scans by now, have a definite bump and maybe are even feeling the odd flutter! So your baby is becoming a real person to you and an abortion would feel very wrong to you.

However can you be certain that your friend has not had an abortion? It may be a sensitive issue for her. And she may have felt very judged. Especially if you didn't make it clear that you woudn't judge a woman for making that choice.

It doesn't sound like you're particularly anti-choice. You wouldn't choose an abortion yourself, but you wouldn't judge a woman who did. That sounds like choice to me.

edam Sat 18-May-13 13:05:17

You don't actually believe women are equal. Comments about 'party lifestyle' and 'can't be arsed to be a mother' clearly demonstrate you think women are inferior beings. Even if you are one. You are an Uncle Tom.

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 18-May-13 13:05:31

Depends if you're personally pro-life or generally pro-life?

If you personally wouldn't ever have an abortion/don't agree with it, but support other women's right to have an abortion then that's fine.

If you are generally oposed to abortion and believe that the state should be able to dicatate what happens inside a woman's body then that is incompatible with feminisim.

How would you vote on the issue if it came up?

gordyslovesheep Sat 18-May-13 13:05:38

yeh because if you 'can't be arsed to be a mother' being FORCED to be one will be the making of you and simply spiffing for your child hmm

Do you really think that women wake up one day and think 'do you know what I can't be arsed to be pregnant anymore' and skip off to get a quick termination before they go on a night out?

You really need to become a bit better informed on the whole subject before spouting your opinion again, how do you know your friend hasn't had a termination and you just told her she 'killed her child'?

Fairylea Sat 18-May-13 13:07:08

Would you rather we made abortion illegal again and had women dying from backstreet butchers?

Would you rather people were forced to have babies and then abandoned them at birth or left them to starve to death instead? (Hear so many stories of this from China and India).

Would you rather families who are already struggling to feed and clothe one or two kids or more have another one to look after - or neglect depending on the family.

More emphasis needs to be on proper contraception and using it correctly. And even then it's not foolproof, sometimes it doesn't work and obviously rape cases are very different.

I can't believe how ignorant you're being.

gordyslovesheep Sat 18-May-13 13:07:14

ah barebranches so abortion is okay if women don't choose to have sex ...but if they do (the dirty little slappers) they deserve to loose all right over their own reproduction

your judgy pants must be tickling your tonsils

Sparhawk Sat 18-May-13 13:07:28

barebranches What nonsense. So, people who are poor, have mental health issues, health issues should not be allowed to have sex? That is a disgusting opinion.

MidniteScribbler Sat 18-May-13 13:09:05

I don't believe I could ever have an abortion. I also don't believe I have any right to dictate what another woman does with her own body.

Does that make me "pro-minding-my-own-business"?

OneHandWavingFree Sat 18-May-13 13:09:10

I didn't read the party lifestyle line as being about women who have been raped. I think the friend gave what she thought was an example of when OP might have a hard time defending a pro life position, and then OP tried to give a different example of a situation in which she felt a pro choice position would be harder to defend.

The post made it sound like they were both offering opinions on the same situation, but having re read it I don't think that's the case.

OP I understand tour friend's pov but think she owes you an apology for turning a discussion about your pregnancy and your feelings about it, into a debate on abortion.

Sparhawk Sat 18-May-13 13:09:20

<should never have sex> not <should not be allowed to have sex>

Because sex is reserved for those who want a child. hmm

NorthernLurker Sat 18-May-13 13:09:32

Look Op - what do you want from us? A bunch of flowers and a bravo for continuing with a pregnancy?
Some women choose to terminate, some choose to become a parent. Neither choice is any of anybody else's business.
You are insulting women who have terminated and generally making a fool of yourself. I suggest you desist.

WorraLiberty Sat 18-May-13 13:09:51

if u cant care for a child dont have sex... its not hard!!!!

I'm not sure whether to laugh or bang my head over this ^^

StuffezLaYoni Sat 18-May-13 13:11:26

I've done both, Worra.
It has actually taken my breath away in its idiocy.

barebranches Sat 18-May-13 13:12:00

yes. thats right.
dont do the deed unless u are up for the consequences. abortion is wrong and its discusting that people are flamed and seen as out dated for being pro life!!
and "oooh i cant do adoption... i might want to keep the baby" fuck off... i would rather kill it instead!!!

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