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Should I show I am hurt or pretend it's fine?

(23 Posts)
Greythorne Sat 18-May-13 10:48:07

I work in (upper) middle management. I realize I am paid to do my job and not cause problems for my boss. I am very I independent and don't require lots of stroking from my superiors.

But this week something has happened which has upset me and I don't know if I should brush it off and act nonchalantly or if I can be honest about my feelings.

Someone senior to me (but not my boss) thinks I have made a mistake (I have not) and has sent an email upbraiding me with a dozen people on copy.

What do you think?

KansasCityOctopus Sat 18-May-13 10:50:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeenyW123 Sat 18-May-13 10:51:22

Stand your ground. Be reasonable, professional and truthful but put your case forward. You don't necessarily have to cc all the same people though.


Ilovewaleswhenitrains Sat 18-May-13 10:52:10

Don't let yourself be blamed for something you didn't do!
Reply to the sender of the email (don't include other recipients) and tell them they are incorrect. Tell the original sender they need to email the original group with a correction.

If this doesn't happen make an official complaint to your line manager.

HighBrows Sat 18-May-13 10:53:44

Were you copied in the email?

If so reply only to the sender and explain you did not make a mistake. Be emotionless and succinct.

If you weren't copied in the email, still email the sender saying it has come to you attention that such and such was said. Explain once again this was not your mistake, again be all business like.

Hope it gets resolved soon.

limitedperiodonly Sat 18-May-13 10:55:26

Terrible. I'd do just what ilovewales says.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sat 18-May-13 10:58:07

I agree with previous posters; tell the boss you were not at fault and ask for the misconception to be corrected.

Greythorne Sat 18-May-13 11:05:45

The problem is that the thing I have done appears to be wrong from a distance but once you know all the ins and outs, it is the absolutely right thing to do. The person who has sent the email is notoriously hands off and won't have a clue about the detail.

But to defend myself I will have to go into a lot of detail and risk appearing petty, IYSWIM.

HighBrows Sat 18-May-13 11:10:33

Greythorne still send an email to only him explaining, 'while this may look like an error in fact it is a highly nuanced situation that I am happy to explain to you. However please do not upbraid me via the email system for something you know fuck all nothing about'.

Or words to that effect!

DameFanny Sat 18-May-13 11:21:37

You could phrase it as "I wanted to allay your concerns about x, as I can see how - from the outside - it could appear that etc", then provide a short summary of the true position, with bullet points for the hard of thinking.

Once sent, forward a separate copy to your own manager, saying that you want them to be aware as you're concerned that this might be reflecting badly on the department, but you're hoping that your mall will have set the master straight.

Result - enhanced professional reputation, other guy doesn't have to look like a fool.

DameFanny Sat 18-May-13 11:22:41

Mail, and matter. Gah.

limitedperiodonly Sat 18-May-13 11:38:37

I'd speak to the person rather than trading emails.

I'd do what highbrows said but probably leave off the telling off. I'd ask them to email all the original recipients correcting the false impression, otherwise I'd have to speak to my line manager because it's damaging.

I'd try to be light but firm.

BeckAndCall Sat 18-May-13 11:45:29

Good advice already on here - especially from Dame Fanny (of Omaha?) about forwarding to your immediate department head/director to highlight the position of the dept and how well you have handled it.

Cakebaker35 Sat 18-May-13 11:47:14

Stick to the facts and defend yourself. Don't mention feelings or being hurt, that is the part that makes people think you're being petty. Discuss with your boss and spell it out in black and white on email if necessary.

Stinkyminkymoo Sat 18-May-13 14:30:34

I echo Dame Fanny (never thought I'd say that!) by ensuring you point out there is no error.

Also, by using bullet points you can ensure that they read it properly. My opinion of people like this is that they rarely actually read emails and fortnight jump to incorrect conclusions.

Good luck!

PortHills Sat 18-May-13 15:28:45

Don't be hurt, don't show hurt. It's work. And yes clarify so everyone knows you didn't make a mistake.

Sometimes I get so angry it makes me want to cry, and I wish people realised it was just because I am bloody furious not because I am upset (iykwim) :-)

quesadilla Sat 18-May-13 15:46:51

What DameFanny says. Be polite and resist the urge to upbraid or sound angry but at the same time make clear that you expect a correction to be made and that there will be consequences if one isn't forthcoming.

creighton Sat 18-May-13 16:02:15

you've done the right thing in waiting rather than replying 'in full emotion'. do not speak to the person, put something in writing and bcc it home to yourself. say that you are 'concerned' that the wrong impression/information has been given to him/her blah blah blah. then tell the person that it would be good if they write to your line manager in future if any other problems arise. ask the person to copy the correct information to the people he/she originally emailed. copy your line manager into the email.

'polite', professional, get everything in writing.

Primadonnagirl Sat 18-May-13 16:10:38

DameFanny..the hard of thinking! Love it! Going to use that at work on Mondaygrin

nenevomito Sat 18-May-13 16:15:37

I hate people who cc the world on emails in this way. High Brows idea is s good one. I'd also mention it to your boss if they were cc'd in too.

Lweji Sat 18-May-13 16:32:22

You are better people than me.
I'd cc everyone saying it was not a mistake and that I'd explain in a second email to the person and my superiors and next time would they please just send it to me and my direct supervisor.

limitedperiodonly Sat 18-May-13 21:02:00

I think you should always speak to people calmly about problems then email them with a summary of the conversation for your records so you can take it further if necessary. If they want to dispute it, fair enough but the aim is to look reasonable.

Trading emails exacerbates problems like this and solves nothing. People often fire them off when they'd never have the guts to say things out loud. They are ripe for misinterpretation.

If the person thinks that the next time they fire off a stupid email they'll have to have an awkward conversation explaining it they might think twice.

SarahAndFuck Sat 18-May-13 21:10:23

You need to speak to your boss and explain what has happened.

Does your boss understand the ins and outs of the situation and so already knows you have done the right thing?

Print the email, ask for a private meeting with your boss, explain that several other people have been copied in to it and explain why you are unhappy (this person has made a mistake and humiliated you publicly without checking the facts).

And tell your boss what you want to happen next (your boss to support you and for everyone now involved to be made aware that you have not made a mistake and are owed an apology) etc.

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