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to demand a child is excluded from school?

(165 Posts)
Tubemole1 Fri 17-May-13 23:12:54

I will try and keep this as brief as poss. My daughter is in Y1 and one of her classmates, a boy, often harrasses her. She has been pinched and hair pulled during carpet time and put in a headlock during playtime. I have asked for this boy to stay away from my daughter and her teacher has made efforts to do so.

Today, the same boy attacked four girls. He bit one on the neck and drew blood. Another girl was bitten on the arm five times, no blood. My daughter was attacked as well but she managed to escape with no injury. Obviously my fellow mums and I are outraged. Nothing was done to discipline the boy, so he can't grasp the enormity of the fallout of his actions. My daughter, certainly, was left shaken, trying to make sense if it. This boy has a fascination with vampires, but we all wonder what has he seen to act this way?

I am all for complaining to the school, but dh wants our daughter to just kick him in the balls if he tries again. What message will that give, when she has to fight back to survive?

My daughter is a toughie, and can defend herself, but she bottles up her true feelings. The teacher doesn't see that she's upset, because she only lets it go when she's home, and we have a blubbering child needing our care and understanding. Is it unreasonable to ask the school makes sure our kids are safe thru the day, and this boy is either excluded, or has some sort of intervention?

float62 Thu 23-May-13 21:15:59

I really would still like to know the outcome of this situation because I think it's a thrustingly good example of all the examples of angst that mothers in the early years of their dc's education experience. It gave a wide range of comments from mnetters and if Tube felt slated then I apologize on behalf of those that just wanted her to stop and think and put the shoe on a different foot whilst completely understanding the basic instinct of keeping your child safe as paramount. You don't have to worry about any RL outing as this happens in most schools.

Goldmandra Wed 22-May-13 22:13:51

but Goldmandra that they are fantasies is an asumption

So we should assume that, if someone posts asking if they would be unreasonable to do something, they have actually done it? hmm

If the OP says she has encouraged her child to be violent or forced the school to exclude the child that would be a very different matter.

The fact that some parents have acted unreasonably in situations which involved you, doesn't mean everyone who vents about has automatically done it.

I have vented, including in internet forums, about what I could do to school staff who are failing or hurting my children. Then I calm down and take a measured course of action like most people would, especially if they have asked for advice and acted on it as the OP has described.

BoneyBackJefferson Wed 22-May-13 20:57:14

but Goldmandra that they are fantasies is an asumption, In the same way that my opinion is based on an asumption of what the op means when they post.

I would love to say that what some parents have said to me (in face, on the phone and in letters) are assumptions but they have happened.

As I posted earlier and to expand on the post, if the op's DH goes in heavy handed and makes unreasonable demands and gets agressive he will be removed from the premises and banned from them.

If he is going in and going to have a calm conversation discussing how the school can better protect his DD he will be ok.

I would like the op to come back with an update.

Goldmandra Wed 22-May-13 08:09:05

* encouraging someone to kick a child in the balls, forced exclusion*

Those were fantasies mentioned by people in the heat of the moment, not acted on. There's a difference between venting about things and actually doing them.

I have gathered a group of mums together if you count discussing a school's failings with other parents in the same position in order to force the school concerned to take action.

BoneyBackJefferson Wed 22-May-13 07:00:40

Did your "sort it out" come on the back of encouraging someone to kick a child in the balls, forced exclusion or gathering a "group" of mums together?

hm32 Wed 22-May-13 06:51:43

A child does not have to be SEN or in need of social worker intervention to be violent. Even if one of those does apply, the other children have a right to go to school in safety. Something does need to be done to correct the situation.

EatenByZombies Wed 22-May-13 02:07:29

I agree. I don't agree on the actions OP has described.

Goldmandra Wed 22-May-13 00:16:00

They shouldn't be kept apart but times of unstructured social interaction should clearly be managed in some way.

EatenByZombies Tue 21-May-13 23:22:06

Why should they be kept apart? Schools don't have girl/boy segregation hmm
Every kid is mean to another kid at some point. Moving to exclude a 5 y/o is silly considering her child wasn't actually hurt. First step should be support for the boy.

Kleinzeit Tue 21-May-13 23:04:31

her child wasn't hurt

Yes I know, but this latest incident suggests they are not being kept apart very effectively.

Boomba Tue 21-May-13 23:02:20

Posted to soon....

and/or school

Boomba Tue 21-May-13 23:00:54

The very idea that you would try to get a 5 year old child excluded is hmm IMO

The issue is entirely with the teacher

Goldmandra Tue 21-May-13 20:47:00

Is it unreasonable to ask the school makes sure our kids are safe thru the day, and this boy is either excluded, or has some sort of intervention?

I have made a formal complaint from the standpoint of child health and safety and the stress of the boy constantly harassing my girl.

The OP vented on the thread title about exclusion when she was angry but she isn't actually trying to get the child excluded.

She has made a formal complaint which is perfectly appropriate given that she feels that her child is not adequately protected in school. I did something similar recently at the (informal) request of the head teacher in order to give her the teeth she needed to get another child's needs met more appropriately.

I have also used the terminology "sort it out" when referring to school staff not fulfilling their responsibilities towards my children. I sorted it out by using the SEN Code of Practice, not threats or fists.

The OP came on here to ask and has taken advice offered. I'm not sure that she deserves such a thrashing.

float62 Tue 21-May-13 20:45:34

Just looking for an update on the meeting today?

EatenByZombies Tue 21-May-13 20:28:04

"She was just upset and angry because her DD has been hurt and upset
Kleinzeit, her child wasn't hurt. That's the whole point of what multiple MNers are saying, it has nothing to do with her because her child wasn't hurt. She's basically trying to get a very young child excluded for upsetting hers, which is madness!

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 21-May-13 18:45:45

The last parent that said that they where going to "sort it" was escorted from the school by senior management and banned from the premises. So I'm hoping that it just a bad turn of phrase by the OP.

Kleinzeit Tue 21-May-13 18:24:22

Re-reading the post Goldmandra I think you’re right – I guess these are separate meetings (phew!). The school probably wont be able to tell the OP anything about the boy, only what they will do to support and protect her DD. Indeed the more they are doing for the boy the less they’ll be able to say because it is confidential.

I don’t think the OP is especially gleeful or intolerant. She was just upset and angry because her DD has been hurt and upset, and she’s glad because the school may be doing something about it. Fair enough.

insanityscratching Tue 21-May-13 18:19:48

I have the hide of a rhino now and an evil tongue. I put it to good use and make sure people think twice before being critical of me as a parent or cruel or unkind about my boy again.
We shouldn't have to be like this because you would hope that there was some modicum of compassion and sensitivity about where children with disabilities were concerned. But no unfortunately there isn't.
I'm not going to hide my child and sit weeping in a corner I'm fighting back and if when they've had a taste of my venom it makes them more wary next time then I've done a good job because newer parents or those feeling fragile don't need the grief.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 21-May-13 18:11:04


I agree

The last but one post especially.

Even the label the biter

Blueandwhitelover Tue 21-May-13 18:09:58

I'm still confused as to your statement that DH will go in and sort it. Why should he be able to sort it and you not? Are we still in the archaic age of being threatened by men or the idea that a man will stand no nonsense when confronted by women?
This statement has irritated me beyond belief let alone the rest of your complaint.

crashdoll Tue 21-May-13 18:08:49

OP, you sound gleeful about the whole situation which makes me think you are probably enjoying the prospect of the little boy being even more ostracised that he is already. I am not condoning the child's behaviour but some people seem unable to separate behaviour from the human being. This is a young child we are talking about with the potential to learn, grow and change given the right support. Ostracising him, excluding him and ganging up on him won't help at all. You might kid yourself that you're helping your child and others but you really aren't. Also, you really shouldn't believe all that you hear, especially if it's come from playground gossip or from year 1 children.

mrsmindcontrol Tue 21-May-13 18:06:11

Insanity, so sorry you had to go through that. Your poor boy & poor you. I love your attitude. I'm going to reply like that next time anyone refers to my DS1 as naughty.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 21-May-13 17:57:50

there is staggering ignorance. But not just that - it's a sort of ill-will towards anyone else's child that some parents have.

hobnobsaremyfave Tue 21-May-13 17:57:47

insanity smile

insanityscratching Tue 21-May-13 17:55:24

Well we left the local school anyway as the junior department didn't have the same ethos and ds would have been excluded in time from there anyway if we had stayed.
Ds has autism, at five it was glaringly obvious he had SEN (he couldn't speak, was in nappies etc) I found the ignorance appalling tbh.
He had a ft statement on entry to nursery what the parents didn't know was that it was my complaints about the school to the LEA that secured more funding for breaktimes and lunchtimes because the school weren't supporting him properly. The HT had no option but to fight ds's corner as she had been leaned on by the LA.
Ds eventually moved to a school thirty miles away but he still has the bad boy reputation as I discovered when one of the petitioners asked me 8 years later if he was still naughty. I said "no he still has autism. I see you are still as thick as pig shit as well, some things don't change" wink Funnily enough she's never spoken to me since grin

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