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to demand a child is excluded from school?

(165 Posts)
Tubemole1 Fri 17-May-13 23:12:54

I will try and keep this as brief as poss. My daughter is in Y1 and one of her classmates, a boy, often harrasses her. She has been pinched and hair pulled during carpet time and put in a headlock during playtime. I have asked for this boy to stay away from my daughter and her teacher has made efforts to do so.

Today, the same boy attacked four girls. He bit one on the neck and drew blood. Another girl was bitten on the arm five times, no blood. My daughter was attacked as well but she managed to escape with no injury. Obviously my fellow mums and I are outraged. Nothing was done to discipline the boy, so he can't grasp the enormity of the fallout of his actions. My daughter, certainly, was left shaken, trying to make sense if it. This boy has a fascination with vampires, but we all wonder what has he seen to act this way?

I am all for complaining to the school, but dh wants our daughter to just kick him in the balls if he tries again. What message will that give, when she has to fight back to survive?

My daughter is a toughie, and can defend herself, but she bottles up her true feelings. The teacher doesn't see that she's upset, because she only lets it go when she's home, and we have a blubbering child needing our care and understanding. Is it unreasonable to ask the school makes sure our kids are safe thru the day, and this boy is either excluded, or has some sort of intervention?

EatenByZombies Tue 21-May-13 20:28:04

"She was just upset and angry because her DD has been hurt and upset
Kleinzeit, her child wasn't hurt. That's the whole point of what multiple MNers are saying, it has nothing to do with her because her child wasn't hurt. She's basically trying to get a very young child excluded for upsetting hers, which is madness!

float62 Tue 21-May-13 20:45:34

Just looking for an update on the meeting today?

Goldmandra Tue 21-May-13 20:47:00

Is it unreasonable to ask the school makes sure our kids are safe thru the day, and this boy is either excluded, or has some sort of intervention?

I have made a formal complaint from the standpoint of child health and safety and the stress of the boy constantly harassing my girl.

The OP vented on the thread title about exclusion when she was angry but she isn't actually trying to get the child excluded.

She has made a formal complaint which is perfectly appropriate given that she feels that her child is not adequately protected in school. I did something similar recently at the (informal) request of the head teacher in order to give her the teeth she needed to get another child's needs met more appropriately.

I have also used the terminology "sort it out" when referring to school staff not fulfilling their responsibilities towards my children. I sorted it out by using the SEN Code of Practice, not threats or fists.

The OP came on here to ask and has taken advice offered. I'm not sure that she deserves such a thrashing.

Boomba Tue 21-May-13 23:00:54

The very idea that you would try to get a 5 year old child excluded is hmm IMO

The issue is entirely with the teacher

Boomba Tue 21-May-13 23:02:20

Posted to soon....

and/or school

Kleinzeit Tue 21-May-13 23:04:31

her child wasn't hurt

Yes I know, but this latest incident suggests they are not being kept apart very effectively.

EatenByZombies Tue 21-May-13 23:22:06

Why should they be kept apart? Schools don't have girl/boy segregation hmm
Every kid is mean to another kid at some point. Moving to exclude a 5 y/o is silly considering her child wasn't actually hurt. First step should be support for the boy.

Goldmandra Wed 22-May-13 00:16:00

They shouldn't be kept apart but times of unstructured social interaction should clearly be managed in some way.

EatenByZombies Wed 22-May-13 02:07:29

I agree. I don't agree on the actions OP has described.

hm32 Wed 22-May-13 06:51:43

A child does not have to be SEN or in need of social worker intervention to be violent. Even if one of those does apply, the other children have a right to go to school in safety. Something does need to be done to correct the situation.

BoneyBackJefferson Wed 22-May-13 07:00:40

Did your "sort it out" come on the back of encouraging someone to kick a child in the balls, forced exclusion or gathering a "group" of mums together?

Goldmandra Wed 22-May-13 08:09:05

* encouraging someone to kick a child in the balls, forced exclusion*

Those were fantasies mentioned by people in the heat of the moment, not acted on. There's a difference between venting about things and actually doing them.

I have gathered a group of mums together if you count discussing a school's failings with other parents in the same position in order to force the school concerned to take action.

BoneyBackJefferson Wed 22-May-13 20:57:14

but Goldmandra that they are fantasies is an asumption, In the same way that my opinion is based on an asumption of what the op means when they post.

I would love to say that what some parents have said to me (in face, on the phone and in letters) are assumptions but they have happened.

As I posted earlier and to expand on the post, if the op's DH goes in heavy handed and makes unreasonable demands and gets agressive he will be removed from the premises and banned from them.

If he is going in and going to have a calm conversation discussing how the school can better protect his DD he will be ok.

I would like the op to come back with an update.

Goldmandra Wed 22-May-13 22:13:51

but Goldmandra that they are fantasies is an asumption

So we should assume that, if someone posts asking if they would be unreasonable to do something, they have actually done it? hmm

If the OP says she has encouraged her child to be violent or forced the school to exclude the child that would be a very different matter.

The fact that some parents have acted unreasonably in situations which involved you, doesn't mean everyone who vents about has automatically done it.

I have vented, including in internet forums, about what I could do to school staff who are failing or hurting my children. Then I calm down and take a measured course of action like most people would, especially if they have asked for advice and acted on it as the OP has described.

float62 Thu 23-May-13 21:15:59

I really would still like to know the outcome of this situation because I think it's a thrustingly good example of all the examples of angst that mothers in the early years of their dc's education experience. It gave a wide range of comments from mnetters and if Tube felt slated then I apologize on behalf of those that just wanted her to stop and think and put the shoe on a different foot whilst completely understanding the basic instinct of keeping your child safe as paramount. You don't have to worry about any RL outing as this happens in most schools.

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