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I didn't see a stranger take a photo of my DS. I feel sick.

(242 Posts)
CoffeeChocolateWine Fri 17-May-13 17:02:25

Please go easy on me as I'm expecting to get a flaming here. But if anyone has anything nice and supportive to say then please do!

I took my two DC swimming earlier...DS is almost 5, DD is 10 months. We were on the bus on the way to the pool and I stood with DD in her pram in the buggy area (the brake on my pram doesn't work so had to stay with her where I was) but DS wanted to sit at the back of the bus. There was only about 3 rows of seats between us and I could see him quite clearly so I thought it was fine.

My DS is a confident little chap and he started chatting to a man who was sitting opposite him...showing him his Octonauts toys that he had with him and telling him the characters names etc. Anyway, I could hear exactly what my DS was saying and I could see him from where I was and he was fine, the man he was chatting to was in his 50s or 60s and looked like a nice friendly man and I wasn't concerned at all. He was just being friendly to my DS. But I was keeping an eye on him...but also trying to entertain DD in her pram.

Anyway, when we got off the bus my DS said goodbye to the man he had been chatting to and the man smiled and waved. And my DS started telling me that he'd been chatting to a nice man and telling me what they'd been talking about. But then he told me the man took a photo of my DS on his phone. I DID NOT see this...must have been when I was looking at DD in her pram.

The way my DS tells it, was that DS pulled a funny face and the man took a pic so DS could see it. But I just FEEL SICK at the thought of this man...a COMPLETE stranger walking around with a pic of my son on his phone and I am really punishing myself already that I didn't see it and walk over to the man and ask him to not take photos of my son and to delete it from his phone.

I can't stop thinking about it and I feel sick and I'm shaking as I type this. I don't think I'm over-reacting...any mum would feel the same right? Before anyone starts criticising me...I know, I know I will get my DS to sit or stand with me next time and not speak to strangers. It was very misjudged and I'm punishing myself already. But as I was there and hearing (but evidently not seeing) everything that was going on, I didn't see the harm. Now I do.

gordyslovesheep Fri 17-May-13 17:04:35

why do you feel sick - what harm is it going to do your son if a man you where perfectly happy for him to sit next to and chat to have a picture of him pulling a face

while the taking of the picture, I think, oversteps a few boundaries I wouldn't be having a melt down over it

overprotection Fri 17-May-13 17:05:39

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

VivaLeBeaver Fri 17-May-13 17:06:06

I'm not flaming but I do think you're overreacting.

Firstly it sounds like he was been friendly, showing your son a photo of him pulling a face. He's probably deleted it himself already, why would he want to keep a photo of a kid pulling a face on it?

He can't do anything with the photo, he can't harm your son, he can't find out your name or address, etc.

ZillionChocolate Fri 17-May-13 17:06:08

Calm down! If your son is correct, a stranger has a photo of him on a bus. So what?

Tee2072 Fri 17-May-13 17:06:37

And you feel sick because......

Aranea Fri 17-May-13 17:06:45

You're overreacting. Not every mum would feel this way, no. It sounds as though the man was trying to entertain your DS in a sweet and unguarded way. I can't see what terrible thing you think could come of this.

FarelyKnuts Fri 17-May-13 17:06:49

I am not sure that there IS harm in it? The way you tell it, your son pulled a funny face and the man took a photo on his phone and showed him? There was nothing covert or hidden in what he did.
What about it bothers you? You weren't bothered by him chatting to this man, he wasn't inappropriate with him.

LarkinSky Fri 17-May-13 17:07:00


pooka Fri 17-May-13 17:07:14

What harm has the man done? So he has a photo of your ds pulling a funny face (which he will most likely delete as it's bloody unlikely that it would have been taken for nefarious purposes). Even if the photo sits on his phone, what harm has really been done?

Your son is fine.

PoppyAmex Fri 17-May-13 17:07:23

If I remember correctly, people are allowed to photograph anyone in public places, but I get why you're upset.

Children love seeing pictures of himself so the guy was probably just trying to entertain him and deleted the picture by now. Don't worry, you didn't "fail" your DS, he's fine and he's safe smile

Cloverer Fri 17-May-13 17:07:30

Um... why does it matter?

The bus probably has CCTV of your DS too.

BunnyLebowski Fri 17-May-13 17:07:47

Here you go OP

<hands over a grip>

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 17-May-13 17:07:53

I think you deserve flaming more for being so rude, overprotection

HDEE Fri 17-May-13 17:08:30

You should have told your son to leave the man alone when he started talking to him. I despise having to make small talk with OPK .

pooka Fri 17-May-13 17:08:42

I cant work out whether you expect to get flamed for not realising or for overreacting.

I won't flame you for not realising.

I do think you need to calm down and stop overreacting.

Morgause Fri 17-May-13 17:08:57

any mum would feel the same, right?

Wrong. As has been said it's probably been deleted by now.

plantsitter Fri 17-May-13 17:09:30

There are a few reasons not to be all that bothered, I think

1. Your son is 4. He could be mistaken. Maybe the man was doing something else on his phone.

2. Assuming he took a photo of him, it was a photo of him pulling a funny face. What's the difference between him just pulling the face and having the photo taken of it?

3. What's the worst that could happen to the photo? Is the worst thing all that bad?

Greythorne Fri 17-May-13 17:09:50

What can he do with a picture of your son?
What damage can he cause your son now?
What are you afraid of?

Even if - very worse case scenario - he photoshops your son's photo into an abusive image, what harm will come of it to you and your son?

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 17-May-13 17:10:09


Nothing bad happened. You were keeping an eye out. The man was probably being kind.

The likelihood of something bad happening to your DS in public, in future, is very very small

FreckledLeopard Fri 17-May-13 17:10:21

So what? He has a photo of your son on his phone. And? Even if he used it to get some kind of vile jolly, it's not as if your son would be aware of this, nor would you. It has no impact whatsoever on you or your son, so why are you shaking and feeling sick?

Greythorne Fri 17-May-13 17:10:46

I have just reread your post. What harm do you think has been done?

Cloverer Fri 17-May-13 17:11:10

I always think people who talk to DS on public transport. I think you should be very grateful to this man for entertaining your DS!

musicposy Fri 17-May-13 17:11:18

I think it was probably as your DS says it and he was just being funny and friendly. You were there too, I thimk it was fine to let him chat and its a shame if children can't talk to friendly adults when there parents are there to keep a watchful eye,
I'm sure it won't be the kind of photo anyone with bad intentions would be interested in, tbh.
It was maybe a bit of a stupid thing for the man to have done, and misguided, but I suspect that is all. Try to relax and be glad your son is confident and happy enough to chat like this. He told you all about it which is good.

cheeseandchive Fri 17-May-13 17:11:24

But if anyone has anything nice and supportive to say then please do!

AIBU probably not the place for that, love.


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