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to hate the phrase "broken home"

(107 Posts)
kim147 Fri 17-May-13 11:03:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rainbowfeet Fri 17-May-13 11:10:56

I agree it is a horrible phrase!! My marriage ended & I shall feel eternal guilt that my daughter has had to go through that but 5 years down the line her Dad & myself are on good terms & both happier people so I'm sure that is better for her emotional well being.
She is happy, easy going, well behaved & polite & very academic so I don't consider her broken at all!! smile

SybilRamkin Fri 17-May-13 11:13:44

YANBU. It's true that kids from separated families have statistically poorer outcomes but this is obviously not the case in all families, and the stats are skewed because of those families who split because of substance abuse, violence, crime...etc. Plus the term 'broken home' is singularly unhelpful.

I'm sure you're a lovely mum and dad and that your DS will grow up to be a happy, well-rounded individual.

kim147 Fri 17-May-13 11:14:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyVoldemort Fri 17-May-13 11:16:05

I only ever apply the broken home thing to situations where both parents are making life hell for the children.

I've seen plenty of couples split up and continue to be the best parents they can be and still work together to make sure the child is happy. That to me is not a broken home.

Thisisaeuphemism Fri 17-May-13 11:17:20

I have to say I haven't heard it in real life for years - and if I did I would always pull people up on it.
I have heard it on here though!

hotcrosbum Fri 17-May-13 11:17:56

Same with us, I can't see how ds is disadvantaged in anyway. He's a bright, resilient 11 year old.

'Broken home' was mentioned by a witch of a school receptionist when his father and I first separated and we moved to a new area. He was also on - shock horror - free school meals as I was a full time student.

A few weeks after he started she pulled me aside and said "you know, when I knew that he was from a broken home and that he was on FSM, I thought 'here we go, another reprobate trouble maker', but he is a lovely bright boy, a real pleasure! Well done you!" I was just shock

Thisisaeuphemism Fri 17-May-13 11:20:02

I have no guilt whatsoever, never have. DS is fine! There are far, far worse things than having two homes...

squoosh Fri 17-May-13 11:27:03

'Broken home' has a disapproving 1950's tone to it. Broken implies something ruined forever.

I only hear older people use the phrase.

gordyslovesheep Fri 17-May-13 11:28:22

I feel sad my marriage didn't work - I feel sad my children have to split everything between 2 homes BUT those homes are not broken

They have two loving parents and a vast extended family thanks to the OW - so more people to love them - lucky sods

It's not been easy and I will always feel a bit of regret but it is what it is - we are fine!

Irishchic Fri 17-May-13 11:32:25

Its a horribly judgemental phrase, and it assumes that a home where the parents are living together is not broken, when in fact we all know of homes that are miserably dysfunctional places for kids to be brought up in.

Viviennemary Fri 17-May-13 11:33:50

You hardly ever hear this phrase nowadays. I think if both a mother and father are responsible and loving then the children shouldn't suffer too much.

Bonsoir Fri 17-May-13 11:34:38

It's a nasty expression, and it completely ignores the fact that many unbroken homes are horrible, dysfunctional places.

OptimisticPessimist Fri 17-May-13 12:21:03

YANBU. When I lived with my XP is when our home was "broken". It was miserable and it was no place for raising children. Our home is no longer broken, it is stronger than it has ever been, my kids are happier and better adjusted than they have ever been, and so am I. It is sad that unfortunately they no longer see their father, but their home is not broken by any stretch of the imagination.

TroublesomeEx Fri 17-May-13 12:24:48

You're right. It's a horrible phrase.

My husband and I separated last year. It was a bit rocky at home for about 3 months - DD was a nightmare when she returned from visiting her dad, DS hated his dad and I struggled to get from one end of the day to the other.

However, we have got everything sorted now. We have a great co-parenting relationship, only speak positively about each other to, and in front of, the children and it's clear to both of us, and everyone else, that the children are thriving.

DS has just been predicted all As and Bs for his GCSEs and DD's doing really well too. I'm happy and life is good.

There's nothing 'broken' about us!

quesadilla Fri 17-May-13 12:30:45

I agree with Irishchic: it assumes any situation where the parents are together - however awful - is worse than separated, living parents doing their best. Some homes really are broken but these are just as likely to be two parent as one parent.

quesadilla Fri 17-May-13 12:31:09

Sorry, is better, I meant

frissonpink Fri 17-May-13 12:36:06

It is sad for the kids though.

chicaguapa Fri 17-May-13 12:37:44

I don't know. My DPS split up when I was 16 and I consider my home at that time to have been very much broken. confused But maybe it does come down to how the DPS get on afterwards as my situation was antagonistic.

TroublesomeEx Fri 17-May-13 12:44:35

frissonpink It's sad for everyone. I only got married 5 years ago. We were together for 10 years before that and were very close friends for 9 years before we got together. That's how certain I wanted to be that my marriage would be for life.

Since we separated, my son has told me that is happier now than he has been for a long time, that he likes to see me so happy and his little sister is also very happy.

Their dad and I are still very much their parents and present a united front. We can quite happily have a chat about the children or what we've been up to. We're just not together anymore.

And sad doesn't mean broken.

olgaga Fri 17-May-13 12:53:19

chic I agree - mine also split when I was 16 and I felt that not only was our home broken, but we were all broken - and broke - too.

These days we talk about "separated families" - which doesn't begin to describe the reality for many - but I suppose it's less judgemental.

VenusUprising Fri 17-May-13 13:03:12

There are more ways to break a home than the parents not to live together, aren't there? Sometimes the best result for everyone is that the parents don't live together.

I agree it's a judgeypants term, and should stay in the history books.

There are many ways of living now, and children are loved no matter who they spend the week and weekend with.

Pigsmummy Fri 17-May-13 13:05:26

My parents broke up when I was 11 and a mid grade pupil, I left school in the top 5% and at a 20 year school reunion realised that I was probably the 3rd highest paid in our year (highest paid female though).

My parents were not really supportive, my Dad very wrapped up in him, my Mum in her new life and man (she left the family) I spent a lot of time at home alone, I came to realise that I just wanted to get on in life and knuckled down. I was aware that I was from a "broken home" (which back then was more unusual) and the only child in the school to have had the Mum leave but this actually made me more determined to get on.

Have faith in your DS, keep showing him love and support, then you can do a metaphorical "shove your "broken home" label up your arse" to society when he does well. You sound lovely, I am sure that your son is too xx

CarpeVinum Fri 17-May-13 13:11:11

I guess it depends on the details and the perspective.

My mum would bristle if people called ours a broken home.

But to me it was the perfect description. It felt like somebody had taken a sledgehammer to my family and left us sitting in different spots in the dust and rubble with varying degrees of internal injuries.

"broken home" is a phrase I'd put in the same category as "illegtimate" or "born out of wedlock" - so something I'd find very old-fashioned.

And something I'd never say, though DM still uses these phrases. She even talked about "illegitimacy" in front of DSis who recently had a lovely DC3 with her DP after splitting up with not so D husband a few years ago. Ridiculous way of thinking ! DM does try though, and is not actually critical of DSis which is something.

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