To think, actually, WOH gets harder as they get older.(451 Posts)
I've worked (at least p-t) all my life. It was a choice for me, I wanted to get out to work, keep my career etc, although I did very much step back for a while, I always kept my hand in IYSWIM.
When DC were tiny, there was always some feeling of guilt at not always being there, but the day to day practicalities were easy. You got them up and dressed, bundled them in the car, handed them over to GP, childminder or nursery and then it was someone else's job to do everything for them until it was practically bedtime. They were cared for, fed and entertained without me ever really having to do anything. (When I was at work). I'd collect on my way home, take them home and put them to bed.
Now they're 9 & 11, there's homework to supervise, clubs to organise, taxi services to provide, sports and school events to watch (or to have to explain you can't) friendship issues or other worries to listen to and if I'm not around after school, they can't have friends back and they can't go to other's houses.
It's true times have changed. Back in the eighties it was Goodbye mum and dad at 18 see you at Christmas with the odd call from the hall phone....
I never went to Uni but i do remember being 16, was just finishing school and taking the train by myself to a college, doing all the signing in etc, finding my way and doing an audition all by myself with just me and the tutor in the room. I was a very shy, quiet teenager so experiences like that helped me gain confidence in life and capability.
Nowadays people send there mum in to collect wages that are owed when they leave a job!
It happens though. Dd3 is currently doing gcse exams one of her friends looks unlikely to carry on doing academic study because her parents don't really see any value in it which would be a shame as she's a very bright girl. Her parents think nothing of taking her out of school for the slightest reason ie to miss traffic if going away.
Oh that's not good jacks...I do worry that too many young people are actually choosing their nearest university (which may well be good, but might not) for financial reasons.
That's not really a choice is it?
I had someone in particular in mind with that comment from rl. It was just expected that she'd go, it was also expected that she'd stay at home and go to the local one which admittedly is good, she went to no open days due to parents attitude and ended up not meeting the grades for the university. She ended up somewhere she hated which didn't meet her needs course wise. She was just never encouraged to look at any real options.
TBH *jacks8 I don't know any parents that aren't interested in teir DC's university applications. I do know far too many who are over involved though.
I feel sorry for young people whose parents either take no interest or take over.
Yes she's her own person but I will always be her mum and will always make sure I can be there if she needs me but it will always be based on what she wants not me. She just needs to ask
Some young people feel able to make the right decision wihtout their parents in attendance, some don't feel able.
No biggie, surely?
But heaven save us from those parents who insist on being part of the process and won't trust their DC or allow them their autonomy!
Dd1 doesn't care about something as superficial as cool she did however care about making sure she made the right choice for her future.
Some teenagers think their parents are uber cool and improve their image
I didn't go to any of my eldests medicine open days. Apparently, the presentations were full of kids with both parents and often the parents were taking notes in large files . However, I did accompany him to his interviews though and he definitely found it helpful and more relaxing that I was there. I also really enjoyed it and thought I could add an extra perpective when he was considering where to go. He definitely wanted me to come with him. He is usually very confident but he was still a bit nervous for his interviews.
It is often much more expensive to get to open days by public transport. It must be difficult to do if you are skint. It is a huge investment going to Uni and it is very worthwhile making sure you go to the right place.
Also what about being cool. I am sure the last thing plenty of teenagers want is a parent with them even sulking in the car. Surely it ruins their image as strong independent 17 year olds..... I was at university at 17 anyway as I went a year young and most terms I took the train to get there using the guard's van as I had so much stuff - bike, cases etc.
IME young people are fairly daunted by open days and unusually reserved! The most interesting part for me was seeing the physical premises (and there are massive variations - think Lidl versus Wholefoods...) and listening to the marketing pitch.
To be honest, I'd love to go to the open days with my DC because I'm damn nosy and I love the vibe that young people give off. But I'll be completely guided by them. If they want me, then great, if they'd rather go with their mates, then so be it.
My stepdad came to uni open days because I value his opinion! And he didn't pay a penny (bar a couple of hundred for my birthday or whatever). I hope my own dc value my opinion! At one uni, they asked the parents to go and get a coffee while they gave prospective students a talk.
Me too if not ow. I grew up in London and was all over the place at 16/17. Took the coach to Portsmouth and the ferry to france alone. Also went hitching round Ireland. Think I would have been if my parents had decided to accompany me to university open days.
Blimey. I was going to festivals on my own at 16. And living with a partner at 18! It would have been bizarre to go to uni open days with my parents!
In France, interviews for prépa sometimes include an interview with a parent - without the potential student present
I think it depends entirely on how you do the university interviews. Some parents are clearly there as taxi drivers, moral support, an extra pair of eyes- fine. They could be any adult friend that another adult chose to take to an important viewing.
Others seem to make it all about them and their ideas. They really struggle to understand that their children are now starting their adult lives, making their own decisions and taking the risk of making their own mistakes.
Yes, you may be paying. But it's not your life! And unless your offspring has got idea firmly in their head they will not cope with university!
Dd will probably be applying to stage school. Since that is very much decided on personality and maturity and they often reject applicants simply for being lacking in confidence, I imagine it would be a seriously bad idea for one of us to accompany her inside the doors. (booohooo, I really want to see a stage school)
For a degree in the Humanities I could probably come if I kept my mouth shut.
sorry Xenia, I've obviously confused you with another poster who said she doesn't do sports days or concerts. I think you're wrong about cutting the apron strings re university. Back in the early nineties I was left to sort out my own Uni stuff and was quite a sheltered, shy kid. I'd have really appreciated some input from my Mother. I didn't expect her to sit in on interviews, of course not. But I can honestly say that even back then in a period of time when kids were let off the leash and less 'protected' and mollycoddled than they are now, I was one of a handful in the room without a parent.
In France, university is cheap as chips but it is hard to get onto a course that has much going for it. There is a LOT of private HE and it costs as much as UK university or more. Some of it is good (HEC) and lots of it is awful and off the world ranking radar screen.
Yes, I only know families where parents pay (or have put tax-efficient monies aside to cover university). Loans are only taken out if there are interesting financial implications.
Ds will be looking at Swedish unis as well as UK as his Dad is resident there and free. Will look at other Europan unis though as the combination of learning the language fluently and a degree will help. I will go to overseas unis though with him if he wants to but I remember landing in Vienna as a young adult and quite enjoyed doing it on my own.
My friend who lives in Paris has a dd at the Main university in Paris is only paying a nominal amount, a few 100 euros. Are mode universities in France this cheap for French residents. DS will be l
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