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to make dh take tomorrow off work as I need a day off

(69 Posts)
ariane5 Thu 16-May-13 17:45:46

I am just exhausted and need a day in bed.

Dh won't want to take the day off he will be annoyed and say he is too busy but if I don't get a rest he is going to end up being off for a lot longer as I am absolutely shattered.

AIBU to make him take tomorrow off?

ParsingFancy Sat 18-May-13 22:02:57

Oh, misread that. Apologies, you're right about SSP as it was DD who was ill not DH.

No idea bout the DLA thing, I'm afraid.

ariane5 Sat 18-May-13 20:55:33

Would it have applied though as it was dd2 unwell not dh?

Also as dcs get dla does that not mean he would be allowed time off for their appts paid or am I wrong there?
Not that he would do it all he goes on about is "db new business, I have to make it as easy as I can for him".

ParsingFancy Sat 18-May-13 20:49:34

Have fingers crossed for you for next week, ariane...

ParsingFancy Sat 18-May-13 20:47:04


BIL is in breach of the law for not paying Statutory Sick Pay. What's more, though I don't know the details, BIL can claim some (all?) of the SSP back from HMRC.

Statutory Sick Pay

ariane5 Sat 18-May-13 20:17:30

Yes it is bil business and he really does take the piss.when dd2 was in hosp in jan dh had 5 weeks off with no pay.
Dd2 due an op soon and dh said when he's off he again won't be paid as "its a new business and db will need to use my wages to pay somebody else to come in and do my job for that week".

Today dh had to work to make up for the fact he will be off tues morn as I have an appt at hospital. All he says to me is how its a new business with no money behind it so sick pay/paid time off isn't an option.

He is in a bit of a. Corner as anywhere else would object to him being off for all dcs appts so he sort of has to continue working with such rubbish conditions.

I had a rubbish day, I'm exhausted, have a cold and am worried about the next week and all the scans etc I have to have and blood tests. So so fed up. When dh got in I handed him the baby and just went for a bath I was so fed up.

I'm just hoping I get good news next week. I don't need anything else to go wrong sad

ParsingFancy Sat 18-May-13 14:18:02

Gin I wondered that as well. It's a bit of a cliche that families take advantage at work, but can go either way.sad

I do hope in MrAriane's case it's a positive association...

GinOnTwoWheels Sat 18-May-13 14:12:49

Sorry that you are having such a hard time OP. I may be off the mark here, but does your DH work for the family business, or is he a director/shareholder.

If he is an employee, surely he should be entitled to 28 days annual leave per year plus bank holidays and it would make sense for him to take some of these off to make all your lives easier so you can sleep/look after your DCs needs/rest at home together etc.

If he is not getting his holiday rights/is being taken advantage of by his family, would he be able to get a job elsewhere (or at least threaten to leave in order to achieve a better work/life balance).

One would have thought that working for family might make it easier to accomodate your families health problems, but sadly that does not appear to be the case sad.

ClocksInALine Sat 18-May-13 08:26:01

How are you today?

arethereanyleftatall Fri 17-May-13 21:48:01

Goodness you poor thing. I have nothing useful to contribute but didn't want to read the thread, feel for you, and then leave without sending massive hugs your way. You are fab and I hope life gets easier for your family soon x

ParsingFancy Fri 17-May-13 20:33:25

Don't think LaGuardia has read the thread.

ariane5 Fri 17-May-13 20:14:01

LaGuardia-are you my MIL? You sound just like her.

For what its worth dh will be getting a rest, a 10 day holiday in august. He has said no every other year (fishing holiday camping in france with his db and uncle) but his knees and shoulders are getting so bad and dislocating so much that if he doesn't go this year he will not be up to travelling/camping/fishing the following year and he Is desperate to go.

UpTheFRIGGinDuff Fri 17-May-13 18:58:08

Fuck off LaGuardia do you have any experience of what the OP is going though?
She's ill herself,and caring for 4 DC with extra needs,plus trying to support her DH who is also ill.
These are chronic illnesses,they aren't going to disappear but it's hardly fair to say she can never have a day off because she can't have one every week.

LaGuardia Fri 17-May-13 18:20:55

OP, what happens when you are exhausted next week? And the week after that? Your poor DH is working to support you and four children. I bet he could do with a day in bed too. YABU.

cestlavielife Fri 17-May-13 16:42:50

cross roads www.crossroadscaring.com/


cestlavielife Fri 17-May-13 16:41:59

SS can out in place emergency care eg using an agency do you have coss roads locally? contact carers uk.

work out what it is you need how many hour s per day etc and ask GP to support you in asking for practical help

you might need togo down route of asking SS to provide emergency foster care for your DC so you can sleep for them to realise how bad it is ...

ariane5 Fri 17-May-13 15:00:19

I will try but it might be the same situation as school transport (we got turned down). I do rely heavily on taxicard as I can get all 4 dcs in a black cab easily as ds2 stays in the buggy whereas in a normal cab I would need car seats which I then can't carry once I get to appt. Its a complete nightmare!

On a positive note (and very surprisingly) I have had a visitor this aft-dsis (anybody who has read my other threads will know what a difficult relationship we have) who came to 'help' me as dm had told her I wasn't well, she has even gone to pick up ds1 from school for me as ds2 has a temp and dd1 is in bed really unwell.perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel.

xigris Fri 17-May-13 14:21:10

Ariane regarding the taxicard business can you not speak to your rheumatologist (I presume you're under one because of the EDS?) or the DCs paediatrician? I really would think you'd be eligible for hospital transport in this situation. The trouble is, that with all the cuts in the NHS (cheers Dave and co), authorisation for transport often requires confirmation from the medical team hmm.

Sending you a virtual foot rub to accompany brow-mopping

ariane5 Fri 17-May-13 13:46:24

Thankyou parsing

Dh will not be home early, he will be there probably till 6pm as has so much to get done. He was lovely yesterday doing the clothes as we had nothing left in drawers and just a massive pile of washing. I can't fault him he tries his best and he does work very hard.

I am really sad about homestart it was such a huge help even for a few weeks I really looked forward to that one morning a week. The council have made cutbacks to everything round here though, even our taxicard trips that I rely on for hosp appts when dh working have been halved so everything is suffering sad

MammaTJ Fri 17-May-13 13:35:10

Aw, poor you!!

Nice that your DH stayed up and did the laundry though. That is something.

Is he coming home early?

Such a shame homestart had to close. We still have it here. They really do seem to know what is needed don't they? They helped me so much when I was struggling.

ParsingFancy Fri 17-May-13 13:34:39

<mops ariane's brow>

ariane5 Fri 17-May-13 13:31:39

Dh couldn't take today off, I begged him but he had to get two jobs done and sent out so he had to go insad

All evening he was unwell with a migraine and then he stayed up till 2am doing the washing/drying/folding poor thing. I was up most of night unwell (awful sore throat etc) and ds2 was up with the same. Dh woke with another migraine but had a breakfast of nurofen, paracetamol and coffee then went to work once his vision had cleared.

I am having a tough day, have 3 of 4 dcs at home (dd1 11 not well either today) so I am busy but am drinking lots of hot tea which is helping.

KingRollo Fri 17-May-13 13:22:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ParsingFancy Fri 17-May-13 13:20:19

Thinking about you today, ariane. Sorry it's just internet vibes, not something more useful.

Second xigris's suggestion of asking HV and, well, anyone you can think of.

ariane5 Thu 16-May-13 20:04:00

As far as I can see my best bet for additional help is with the direct payments so I'm hoping it gets organised quickly.

The homestart lady was wonderful I was so upset we only saw her for five weeks before they shut as dd2 adored her and I really appreiciated her help, she seemed to know just how to help, would make cups of tea, help get dcs ready etc.

xigris Thu 16-May-13 19:29:18

Oh God, Ariane, you are a superhero dealing with all of that! You have my respect. I wish you were nearer to me sad. Surely there has to be some form of practical support out there that you could access? I don't know all your story so please forgive me if you've already tried this or if I sound patronising; is there a EDS charity / foundation that could help? Any local Churches etc? I know that our local CofE and Baptist Churches do tons for the community. Could your HV not organise some sort of emergency support? If I was nearer then I'd come although my 3 year old is a crazy hooligan who may not be particularly helpful

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