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to make dh take tomorrow off work as I need a day off

(69 Posts)
ariane5 Thu 16-May-13 17:45:46

I am just exhausted and need a day in bed.

Dh won't want to take the day off he will be annoyed and say he is too busy but if I don't get a rest he is going to end up being off for a lot longer as I am absolutely shattered.

AIBU to make him take tomorrow off?

ParsingFancy Thu 16-May-13 17:47:56

Knowing a bit of your back story, something in your household is going to have to give.sad

You're coping with way too much, and looking after too many other people's illnesses and grasping or manipulative behaviour.

Does DH actually understand the impact it has on you?

MammaTJ Thu 16-May-13 17:48:15

I don't know, not enough detail.

If your DC are school age, or he gets the weekend off to give you a break then YABU. If you have a baby and a tot and he is working all weekend, then maybe YANBU!!

More info please OP!!

Cakecrumbsinmybra Thu 16-May-13 17:48:27

YANBUif you really need it, and it's possible for him to do that at short notice.

MammaTJ Thu 16-May-13 17:49:00

See Parsing has info and can make a judgement.

Cakecrumbsinmybra Thu 16-May-13 17:50:05

I think it's irrelevant how old the OPs children are - if someone is close to exhaustion then they need a break.

TidyDancer Thu 16-May-13 17:52:39

When is he next due a day off?

You can't make someone do anything really, you need to have a frank discussion if you feel you aren't coping,

Sympathy though. Tis shit to feel so tired. sad

ariane5 Thu 16-May-13 17:52:54

Sorry, 4 dcs all disabled (11,6,3 and 1). Dd1 has chest inf so after sats I'm morn would be home as will 2 little ones.

Dh and I both have health issues and I am absolutely exhausted. Dh works long hours and I just cannot cope with dcs all on my own, I have a horrible sore throat and cold today and just feel rubbish also have other worrying health things going on at present and am worried out of my mind.

I just want to sleep

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie Thu 16-May-13 17:56:38

I don't think his work would be v impressed tbh, whatever the circumstances. Can you have a DVD and duvet day and just let everything slide a bit? Hope you feel better soon and do try to get an early night tonight.

ParsingFancy Thu 16-May-13 17:57:11

I know time off work isn't to taken lightly, but if you don't rest you are going to be more seriously ill.

Then DH won't be able to work at all for a while.

Can you put it to him that a stitch in time saves nine? A day off now rather than more time off later?

kotinka Thu 16-May-13 17:59:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ariane5 Thu 16-May-13 18:00:13

I have just got to the point where I could quite happily sleep on the pavement I'm so tired I could just drop sad have no energy left at all.

I just want 1 day where I can rest a bit. Dh works for his brother but even so I don't think he would want him taking a day off.

I'm just knackered.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Thu 16-May-13 18:03:03

If he can't take time off during the week then he has to give you a day on the weekend to catch up. Can you cope tomorrow and then spend Sat in bed.

Has your DH agreed to apply for DLA yet?

ariane5 Thu 16-May-13 18:04:05

I can't ask really, I want to but he is off for a morning next week as I have an appt and dcs have hosp the following week (dd has pre op appt then an op on 13 june so he will be off for few days) and I have a consultant appt on 23rd and its all just got too much.

The days off he gets are for hosp appts etc so are hectic but I want a day where I can actually rest.

ParsingFancy Thu 16-May-13 18:07:13

Can he at least do reasonable or even short hours tomorrow, so you don't have too long coping on your own?

One of these days you're going to fall asleep without being able to help it, and the DCs' blood sugar will go unmonitored.

Sorry to be so doom and gloom.

ariane5 Thu 16-May-13 18:07:27

He hasn't but I've requested a dla pack for him as quite honestly I'm virtually finished. Applied for direct payments too but have been told it takes ages to process.

I have appt to see gp about a carers assessment too. I am trying to deal with so so much and now my health is suffering, had bad news yest and have been referred for scans appts etc in the next 2 weeks as had worrying smear results and symptoms (I'd put off my smear for 5yrs as was too busy with everything sad) and I just can't do this anymore.

expatinscotland Thu 16-May-13 18:08:51

If work is so busy, he may not be able to.

MysteriousHamster Thu 16-May-13 18:09:14

It sounds like you're at breaking point sad. You need him, or SOMEONE to find a way to give you a chance to rest.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Thu 16-May-13 18:09:47

I would tell him that you are spending Saturday in bed. Don't ask him, just inform him. You really need a break.

ParsingFancy Thu 16-May-13 18:10:02

You're waiting for him to "agree" to apply for DLA? For himself or the DC?

Just apply!

From everything you've said, waiting for DH to get real about family finances is pointless. His head is comfortably in the sand, and he'd rather the children go hungry than engage with reality.

ariane5 Thu 16-May-13 18:10:31

Weekends are always horribly busy just catching up on things and dh sometimes has to work.

He has just phoned as can't get home as he has a migraine and can't see to drive sad poor thing is just as knackered as me I think.
I'm going to have a coffee, bath dd2 and try and find some strength from somewhere as I know when he gets home he will be in a state and will have to sleep.

ParsingFancy Thu 16-May-13 18:11:02

Oh god, just saw what you said about smear on top of everything else.

Holding your hand while you wait for that, and fingers crossed good scan results.

ariane5 Thu 16-May-13 18:11:35

For himself-dcs get dla already. Dh hate that he is unwell and rarely admits how bad he is.

AliBingo Thu 16-May-13 18:12:42

YANBU. But if your DH is anything like mine, you will have a battle on your hands to get him to take the day off - I sympathise!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Thu 16-May-13 18:15:21

What can you do make life as bearable as possible
- Pizza and/or takeaways for dinner
- Don't do any job that isn't absolutely essential e.g. if you usually strip the beds on the weekend, don't: a couple more days won't matter
- As soon as the children are in bed go to bed yourself.
- Use CBeebies as your babysitter tomorrow if you have to, one day won't hurt and sit on the sofa with them watching it.

Tell DH that you must have time over the weekend to rest.

Sorry to hear about the worrying news.

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