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To go and visit my DD on my own!!

(7 Posts)
LEMisdisappointed Thu 16-May-13 15:02:14

I went to see DD1 today, it was something i decided to do yesterday, i don't see enough of her, she is 22 and lives 20 miles away with her DP. She had a day off work today so i said id pop over and see her - she didnt want to go out, just wanted to sit and watch a film and do my nails, nails is her new creative hobby! Usually if i go and see DD my mum comes along too but i just wanted to go on my own - last minute thing, limited time because of having to fit between school run (big age gap). I would have quite liked to go out for coffee actually, but DD isn't much for that and just wanted to stay in her pjs (lazy cow!) - fair enough, she works long hours and is just getting over a nasty cold. My mum would not have sat still for five minutes, would have wanted to walk about etc.

Thats not the point though - i don't see much of my DD, i wanted some time on my own with her!

So, my mum calls and because im too much of a nice person a fucking idiot i told her where i was. She basically did a catherine tate Nanaesque intake of breath and started going into one. How she had a letter from the DWP about a meeting i have set up to act as advocate with all her benefits as she really isn't able to sort things out herself. How she is going to cancel it because she has decided she has had enough of it all. How the doctor fucked her up becaue she wouldnt prescribe six months worth of meds for her (steroids), she has since changed doctors because of this, after causing loads of trouble. She was going on how she is going to bash the doctor in the face - i wish i was joking. Then she rang DD up, crying and shouting down the phone that i think more of the doctor (my doctor - who i recommended to my mum because she is very good!) than i do of her - this is because i wouldnt kick up a fuss on her behalf over the tablets. She knows i am unwell (mentally) in fact, she made a point of telling everyone angry i got a card from her sister in australia telling me how she was sorry i was ill "in that way" hmm So she is quite happy to get sympathy etc "oh LEM is so poorly" but quite happy to be the one who actually makes me feel ill in the first place, the only reason she knew is because DP had to tell her the last time she kicked off over the tablets because i was too ill to deal with it (had just had a breakdown).

Fucking dysfunctional family or what!!

Dont get me wrong, i do feel guilty that i didn't invite my mum along but i see her all the time, go to the town with her etc etc - i just wanted time with my DD on our own.

WhatchaMaCalllit Thu 16-May-13 15:13:11

Ouch. Sounds rough.

Next time, if she asks where you are, reply with a question to her - "Why do you need to know where I am?" and see how she responds. If she keeps asking, just tell her "Mum, I'm out. I can't take your call at the moment, I'll phone you back later" hang up the phone and leave it at that.

You need to take a deep breath and if your mum starts to go all Nana-esque on you, you say to her "Mum, I am taking a break. I need a break. I will talk to you later about whatever you think can't wait until I get home" and hang up the phone on her.

You are 100% allowed to visit your DD without her, be that in person or when she phones you.

Best of luck to you.

LEMisdisappointed Thu 16-May-13 16:56:05

thanks whatcha xx

HalfBakedAlaska Thu 16-May-13 17:04:09

Two words: call screening.


Musicaltheatremum Thu 16-May-13 17:38:20

She sounds lovely. Not. And 6 months steroids. No way would I prescribe that. Iam sure you and your daughter must have had a lovely day. You should do it more often

LEMisdisappointed Thu 16-May-13 17:57:51

Thanks music - you are a doctor then i take it? I totally agree with you, the problem is, her old GP DID do this but he also didn't follow up on check ups, organise checks (she has a pituitary tumour and has had a bilateral adrenalectomy - over 50 years ago, she had cushings but of course now is addisonian). I persuaded my mum to change to my doctor because a) its easier to get to, her old doctor was a bus journey or a lift by my DP away and b)i didn't feel her old doctor was following up things as well as they could be, she also was unable to see her doctor more often than not. So i got her to change doctors - but she got in a strop over the fact that the doctor would only prescribe a months tablets at a time. To be fair, at first, the doctor didn't realise that she sometimes has to double the dose of hydrocortisone if she gets an infection or is sick. But she put that right and prescribed 1.5 x dose, so that should hae been more than enough. The doctor in my opinion is totally in the right, but of course because her old doctor used to do this, she got in a strop. It drives me mad. So without me knowing, she changed doctors, so why she is still going on about it now, i don't know. Well i do, she got jealous because i dared a) go out wihtout consulting her and b) went to see DD.

The irony is that generally, she is lovely, but i cannot deal with her tantrums. So im ignoring it im afraid.

AliBingo Thu 16-May-13 18:15:01

YANBU. Your Mum sounds like a bit of a nightmare!

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