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I'm dying to say something but don't wamt to give them the satisfaction

(22 Posts)
Heleneahandcart1 Thu 16-May-13 13:24:18

My husbands friend got married a few weeks ago. I was quite looking forward to it despite it going to cost us nearly £1000 to attend (travel, hotel, clothes etc). The week before I became very ill and then a few days later my husband became ill too. There was no way we could go, it took is all our effort to change a nappy or crawl to the toilet let alone travel 300 miles to a wedding.

My husband told his friend we were sorry but it was out of the question that we could attend. I told my husband to sort out the wedding present (they requested gift vouchers) and send it to them ( I have never met the bride and have only met the friend twice; him and my husband work overseas for 2 months at a time). I had requested their address but still don't have it.

Anyway, husband has been saying that best friend has been quite off with him; today i realised the best friend has deleted me from facebook but not my husband. He deleted me once before when we were getting married. He was out best man but the day before the wedding told us he couldn't come because his now- wife couldn't get the day off work. My husband was angry and told him just to come alone as we hadn't even met her anyway. I can't help but think he had totally stopped talking to me because of this and the fact we couldn't go.

First world problems I know, but should I say anything?

OHforDUCKScake Thu 16-May-13 13:28:29

£1000 just to attend a wedding?

First world problems indeed shock

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 16-May-13 13:28:33

What would you say?

Heleneahandcart1 Thu 16-May-13 13:29:57

I want to ask him what his problem is!

Songbird Thu 16-May-13 13:32:48

He probably thinks you're 'getting him back' for him ducking out of your wedding for a ridiculous reason. I wouldn't worry about it, to be honest. Life's too short for this shit.

Heleneahandcart1 Thu 16-May-13 13:35:20

I know songbird, you're right. He did end up still being our best man, he left his girlfriend at home. I think i'm just a bit fed up being made to feel like i'm the bad one despite none of it being my fault!

Iwishitwouldgetwarmer Thu 16-May-13 13:36:13

I agree with Songbird, but can't understand why he's deleted you and not your DH as well if that's the reason.

tbh I wouldn't worry about it. He sounds hard work anyway.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 16-May-13 13:37:27

His problem is that he's an arse. Still friends with your husband but 'blaming' you for being ill? Does he think that you were lying? That you had your husband in chains and were forbiding him from attending the wedding?

There's really no point, is there? He's not going to say well, my problem is that I am a giant tool.

Hemlet Thu 16-May-13 13:38:34

He sounds like a dipstick. I'd want to vent too but I'd talk to my hubby about it first.

Otherwise just cut him out of your lives if it's not too much of an issue to do that. You don't need toxic friends.

Songbird Thu 16-May-13 13:39:12

I bet! All you can do though, is trust that your DH will set him straight if he needs to. You shouldn't have to defend yourself. Unfortunately some men seem to have an innate 'er indoors' attitude to friends wives, that just will not be shaken!

Heleneahandcart1 Thu 16-May-13 13:39:42

Thats true! I did say to my husband just to go without me but it was soon apparent that I couldn't look after our 4 children (2 are year old twins) and he became ill himself anyway! Well any chance of them getting a present out of us had went straight out the window.

Heleneahandcart1 Thu 16-May-13 13:40:59

Its a bit difficult for us to cut him out, they work and practially live together for most of the time.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 16-May-13 13:41:59

Then your husband is going to have to tell him to grow up and pack it in.

BiddyPop Thu 16-May-13 13:43:47

If it was a few weeks ago, has your DH sent a present yet? It might be stoking flames on the other end if they feel completely ignored (even though from what you say, it is nothing to do with YOUR wedding, but they may have linked the 2 in THEIR minds).

Hemlet Thu 16-May-13 13:44:43

Hecsy's got the answer.

Heleneahandcart1 Thu 16-May-13 13:47:03

No he hasn't, i told him to deal with it seeing as its his pal.

It took him 3 months to send us a kettle when we got married, not that we were bothered, we only had 7 people at our wedding and weren't expecting gifts at all.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Thu 16-May-13 13:48:21

You've only met the bloke twice.

Is this that big of a deal? Will it impact hugely on your life that he's no longer your friend on FB? I doubt it.

Heleneahandcart1 Thu 16-May-13 13:59:50

No it won't, I am more bothered about the atmosphere my husband has to live in but thats up to him to sort out.

Decoy Thu 16-May-13 15:25:31

Your DH's friend sounds very immature and impetuous. He's sulking when he doesn't get his own way and thinks he can bully you into thinking it's your fault. Take absolutely no notice, continue to behave as the adults you are and just ignore the attention-seeking.

expatinscotland Thu 16-May-13 15:28:46

If I were your husband I would delete this idiot.

ImperialBlether Thu 16-May-13 16:05:47

The way I'd look at it is you've saved over £1000 and I'd be looking at what I could spend it on.

plainjaney Thu 16-May-13 17:23:31

Personally I'd be out spending the gift vouchers you bought as their gift on something nice for you and OH (I'm assuming you haven't sent them yet?) and then I'd be spending what was left of the £1,000 on a nice weekend break. ;)

Oh, and I'd delete them from Facebook as well. Life is too short to surround yourself with hangers on.

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