AIBU to tell DD to shout!

[loopyluna]

My 7 year old whispers! Not all the time as she can be blooming noisy when she wants, but a lot of the time.

It's definitely related to her being a bit shy and she actually, sometimes, goes completely silent if she's feeling nervous (new dentist, hospital when she broke her arm...) Even certain people she's just not sure of, she'll refuse to answer.

With most people, she whispers. Even people she likes and is comfortable with, like her gym teacher, friends' mums.

Even at home at times and I find myself telling her to use her Big Voice as I cannot hear her.

At school she speaks quietly and quickly. When she reads or recites anything, she goes really fast and is often told to slow down and speak up but she'll just repeat in the sane way.

Is this something she'll grow out of? At 7, I find the silent treatment a bit embarrassing now tbh and the whispering is driving me loopy!

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

Mine did this. Some people would reccomend having her assessed for selective mutism...which can be treated. I personally didn't as I never even knew it was a real condition....she grew out of it with the help of a full-on headmistress and a lot of understanding parents of her friends. She is 8 now and whilst she's sometimes shy, she does answer questions posed to her by people she doesn't know in addition to those who are familiar. She's socially improved too...

I never pressured her to answer....I would not answer for her though. Speak to her teacher to see what she thinks.....does your DD have friends?

[MrsSpagBol]

PLEASE don't make a huge deal of this - it's really damaging. I have always been softly spoken and as a child was YELLED AT continuosly to "speak up" blah blah.

Some people are loud, some people are quiet. Just leave it be. She will eventually get tired of repeating herself to people and adjust her tone accordingly.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

MrsSpag...I don't think the OP is concerned only about the quietness of her DD but about the fact that she sometimes doesn't answer at all.

[MrsSpagBol]

Hi Neo, I'd appreciate it if you didn't "mark" my answer. I am speaking from my own experience - nothing else, and I have a right to do that.
I didn't talk to people I felt intimidated by, and especially when I found myself in situations where I was constantly being yelled at and forced to change my base persona.

If the OP is not satisfied with my answer, she can ignore it. I didn't claim to be an expert or something.

It's quite rude to come behind me and "re-interpret" what the OP meant, which if we're honest, you can't know for sure. If you don't like my answer, feel free to ignore it.

[DryCounty79]

I'm afraid I have no useful advice or tips, but I just wanted to say I have the exact opposite problem with my DS. He shouts ALL THE TIME! His whispers are pretty much our normal volume.

I personally wouldn't worry overmuch. I'm a shy person myself, and even now if I meet new people, or am asked to repeat something, I would much rather stay silent, as I then feel like the centre of attention. As a child, I rushed reading out loud and telling grown-ups anything of importance due to extreme nerves. You may well find that she gets better as she gets older and her confidence improves.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie has given some great advice.

I hope you don't get too stressed about it loopyluna x

[newyearnewattitude]

I'm afraid some children are just really quiet... DSD who is now 18 and has lived with us since she was 16 is a mouse when it comes to talking. Her mum is reasonably quiet and when she lived there she was left to her own devices alot. We often have to ask her to repeat herself as we cannot hear her. Once I asked her to shout up the stairs to DS (13) and honestly her shouting voice is quieter than my normal voice. I think because she has been so quiet while growing up, her voice box/vocal cords are just not capable of being loud...Her dad isn't quiet btw, far from it!

Meanwhile, DS(13) and DD(3) can be heard in the next town and if I ask DD to shout up to DS she can be heard over his TV/Music, through closed doors!

[loopyluna]

Thanks all. I think I was a fairly quiet child myself but maybe not quite so much. My older children are extremely confident and outgoing and have bern since they were tiny, so maybe the contrast makes DD seem worse!

I'm going to speak to her teacher as I do think this year she's got worse and suspect she is a bit nervous of him. I don't tell her off when she refuses to speak but have had words with her after about it and told her it's not polite not to answer people. Maybe I should just leave it though?

Might ask the GP about selective mutism if things don't improve. I have wondered but for the moment, it's a minority of people she refuses to speak to, the majority she whispers and close family she's fine.

Someone asked about friends -again, she's not the gregarious, centre of attention type like her siblings. She has been really unlucky in that her three best friends have all moved and changed school over the years. She has one or two friends that she likes to invite over but (I have spied) does seem a bit lost in the playground sometimes and is very sensitive to typical primary school bickering. She gets on much better with younger or older children (ie, 4-5 year olds or 10-11 year olds!)
I don't think she whispers with her friends though.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

MrsSpag what the feck are you on about? "Mark your answer"?? I've been on Mn for years and it's normal to mention names when talking to another poster.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

Loopy one thing which has really helped my DD socially is Brownies....but regarding the looking lost thing, do mention it to the teacher, my DDs teacher wanted to help my DD and some others who were struggling and she instigated a routine of circle games...she taught them all various traditional circle games and then would appoint one child as "Games Master", that child did the handing out of "roles" for the game....so DD had to point a child out and say "You're the Farmer, " and so on...the teacher said all the DC wanted to join in and she made the quieter kids be the games master more often.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

I should mention that the circle games were all done at playtime.