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to have real concerns over my dsil plans for DN?

(55 Posts)
QuertyQueen Thu 16-May-13 11:23:06

My Dsil is planning to Home Educate her DD.

I admit I don't know much about it so I am posting here for opinions and thoughts.

Dsil is not a teacher. She is currently studying a degree with the Open University. I cannot see how she can be qualified to teach DNiece at home.

DNiece has been struggling at school it has to be said, she possibly has ASD, currently going through diagnosis, however she is super bright, free reader age 7 etc and academically is doing well.

But what about socialisation? Surely if dd is already struggling, just keeping her at home is going to make it that much worse? DSil says DNiece won't do SATS. What will that mean for her future? She is opting out of these exams, what will this mean for GCSE's in the future?

Can I ask for honest thoughts please? Everyone needs to go to school don't they? How will the fit in and adapt in the future if they don't? I want to be supportive I really do and as such have not said much, though DH has mentioned SATs to her and how she intends to help DNiece achieve all she is capable of? She just says she wants to get DNiece out of the situation she is in and then will sort all that later.

Any opinions at all welcome. I just want to be able to have an educated opinion about it though fully intend to keep my own counsel smile.

Startail Fri 17-May-13 08:37:09

DF has HE each of her 3DCs up to 11.
I don't think she started out intending any great plan, this is just where DS1 got better at math than she was (she's Canadian).

She's very chatty and outgoing so makes friends everywhere, her DCs are far more sociable than my DD1. They have friends from church, riding, dancing and HE group as well as neighbours etc.

They manage this on her DHs manual wage, she is brilliant at giggle food, fugal craft and min spend birthday parties.

She does have one cheat, her DSIS is a teacher back in Canada and she sends stuff and gives tips.

TheBigJessie Fri 17-May-13 11:05:35

Well, it sounds like school isn't working. Also, you can take a child out of primary school, and enrol them in a nice new secondary at 11 after a few years out of the environment that wasn't working.

There's also FE colleges, some of which can be quite amenable to accepting bright previously home-educated 14/15 year olds on to GCSE courses.
There's also the option of doing GCSEs in year 12 and A-levels in 13-14, but I wouldn't recommend that one, unless as a last resort.

I did that, and it limits your GCSE options substantially, because cramming a two-year course into one year means you can only take three or four. That, in turn, limits your A-level options.

LaQueen Fri 17-May-13 11:12:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarpeVinum Fri 17-May-13 11:28:55

IME experience, they struggled to relate socially to their peers at the FE college where I worked. They only seemed comfortable with adults

That jibes with my RL experience with a specific group where there was a strong sway towards dersion for the need or even advisability for an emphasis on providing extensive peer group social opportunities.

I was a pariah to some becuase I was so pro DS being very much inserted on a daily basis amoung his peer group, particulary because while I valued the "playground-esque" nature of the yputh club setting.

And before anybody jumps all over me, there were three children with SEN. Of the rest with clear behavoiral or socialmissues the majority had gone through extensive investigation due to referrals and come put the otherside eithout diagnosis.

But I don't think that is indicative of the wider HE scene. I think it is indicative of small pokcets where bords of feather come together, hyjack an educational option, use that to draw in new blood and then intensionally or otherwise restricting the newbies putlook to their own particular flavour. What is notable is in a group that has its axis in one strong personality "leader" and her handy flock of acolytes is not how many people are in the group, but the far higher number who have fled screaming for the hills

In any given area I think who starts/controls the grassroots social/support network can pretty much flavour the visible face of HE, sometimes to the detriment of the public perception of the choice.

And dear god there is an awful lot of power play to be seen both online and off when specific flavours or outlooks clash over who gets to be in charge.

I'm happier in a group of one. My son doesn't play with HE children, he plays with children. I don't socialise with HE mums, I spcialisemwith mums. That way I don't feel ghettoised and keep myself free of the same dynamics I saw play out in other "special interest in common"groups, like the expat groups. Which were a special kind of hell of their own kind.

But that choice is reliant on not having to be defensive the whole time cos everybody is picking holes in my educational choices. I couldn't do it in the face of constant critisim and an unwillingness to even listen to another perspective. Even Awful HE Group With Knobs On would be better than that. But it wouldn't be anything like as good for us as gen pub tolerance and acceptance is.

mummytime Fri 17-May-13 12:07:53

Most HE children I know have integrated well when they have gone to sixth form, college or school. A few have more difficulties, but to be honest usually those individuals would have struggled with socialising with their peers at whatever age. Which was partly why they were HEd, at least they got some qualifications and grew up a bit before having to "re-integrate". (They also probably had a diagnosed or undiagnosed SN, I would guess.)

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