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AIBU re. Childcare

(30 Posts)
MulberryJane Thu 16-May-13 09:15:26

When I return to work my LO (PFB, I'll admit this!) was going to be looked after between my mum and MIL, then SIL said she wanted to help out too by sharing MIL's days which was fine by me. Now SIL has announced that her and her DH are trying for a baby, but she is still planning on looking after our LO. It's a bit complicated as MIL and SIL job share, when one is not there then the other needs to be.

With this in mind I have found a lovely childminder who can do MIL/SIL's days, I don't want to land my LO on them with the newborn and everything that comes with it. However, they insist they can look after LO, DH is insisting too. In my opinion it's not possible.

I know that SIL isn't pregnant yet, but I worry that I'll let LO's place at the childminder go and then a few months down the line SIL gets pregnant and then realises its not possible to look after my LO too. I'll then be stuck with having to 'make do' with an option I find at short notice. I want my LO to be happy and secure during the day, I just want to do what's best for him. DH says that leaving him with a childminder over family is not what's best.

AIBU to insist on the childminder? I think it's been my preferred choice all along and that SIL's plans have given me an excuse. Or should I see how it goes with SIL/MIL at the risk of having to start looking for alternative childcare in a few months, or is it possible that they will actually manage and I'm being unfair? I also think I'm worried that my LO will be pushed out once the new baby arrives as they will be busy taking care of him/her, a toddler might be a nuisance. We're also planning on another baby fairly soon, I know they won't be able to manage 2 of mine whereas the childminder will take on another.

I don't want to offend them but I don't think they are being realistic, AIBU?

Thurlow Thu 16-May-13 14:01:57

Personally I would always go with paid, professional childcare for the majority of the care because it seems easier to have a professional relationship and to talk about any issues. So I would go with the CM.

However, I think you are slightly making a mountain out of a molehill as your SIL isn't pg yet and might not be for a long time.

Also, it's going to look like you are happy for your mum to look after your child, but not your MIL and SIL. I don't think that's going to go down well at all.

fuzzywuzzy Thu 16-May-13 14:14:29

Good CM's who you like and trust are hard to come by.

How is your SIL in general, do you think she will cope taking care of your PFB?

I had a friend taking care of my youngest years ago, then she fell pregnant and the day she got the positive test result she called me to tell me she could not take care of my child. Some people do find pregnancy and child minding difficult, my DD wasnt a handful or anything either.

She might not get pg immediately but realyl when she does and has her baby and then decides she cant cope with OP's LO by then the CM place might have gone, then what does OP do regarding childcare?

Go with CM.

MulberryJane Thu 16-May-13 14:32:39

Thank you for all the responses, I think I need to sit down again with DH and compromise a bit as yes, it will look like I prefer my mum to look after LO and I suppose in a way I do as I see her every day. That said, I'm very worried about the potential for unreliability and I think this is my main issue. Perhaps I should have mum and MIL/SIL for a day each and then the cm for the rest, a good cm really is worth their weight in gold. Then hopefully I can gradually use the cm full time rather than rely on family, I've offered to pay for everyone's time and we were planning in working something out but I feel really awkward about it. A cm keeps things simpler, I feel (although I could be wrong!).

Thanks again, I do think I've been making too much out of a lot of it and the responses clarify that. Hopefully, we'll come to a compromise that suits everyone.

cakebar Thu 16-May-13 14:43:34

mum and mil/sil for a day each sounds a great compromise.

Thurlow Thu 16-May-13 14:49:19

Good compromise. Both grandma's get to have a day looking after your DS, and then a CM for the rest of the time.

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