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stranger giving my child money

(225 Posts)
trackies Wed 15-May-13 22:09:36

Was at a toddler group with my 3 yo. There was a professional photographer there taking pics as approved by lady who runs it. They sit on a seat infront of a white screen. My child had a turn. My child is very chatty and friendly and likes posing for photos, and he found him easy to deal with. Bit later on my child, who likes attention and chatting to people, chatted to him for few mins, whilst i was there. Photographer was saying how lovely he was and he'd made his day, and then he gave him a gift of £2 and told him to buy some sweets with it. This freaked me out. I was a bit stunned. I tried to politely say that we can't take his money (i didn't want it!) but he insisted on me taking it. As i was leaving i tried to prize the £2 away from my child but he was clinging onto it so i left cos i just wanted to get out there! Got home and explained to small child that should not take gifts from strangers, but it wasn't his fault. I should have done something at the time. I was just caught off guard. Told my DH who said this man should have not been giving money to my child, and agreed that it's weird, but it could have been just someone being nice. But he was not happy. I told couple of Mummy friends who said it was weird aswell. DH said i definitely need to talk to the women who runs the group just to say that it made me uncomfortable and give the money back. Do you think it's weird ? or an act of kindness ? what would you do ?

JustinBiebermakesmevom Thu 16-May-13 17:37:29

Glasgow here and whilst "older" people definitely almost always give the baby "some silver" , my two have also been given money in the pram by younger women (20-30's). I think I got more with DS as he was an absolutely beautiful baby. Blonde hair, big blue eyes and a happy wee chubby face. I remember a Big Issue seller who was a bit worse for wear remarking "Aww hen, check the mince pies oan your wean !" Think it was a compliment.

I understand your concerns if you've recently had the shock of the news of your former friend but I'm sure this guy meant no harm. Maybe it just made a change for him to work with such a happy co-operative child ?

PearlyWhites Thu 16-May-13 17:39:21

Err that's a very normal thing to do especially if the man was of the older generation. Why would you be freaked out by kindness?

louisianablue2000 Thu 16-May-13 17:50:25

It's very common where I'm from (north of Scotland), my cousin would go for a walk round town with her PFB if she needed some loose change. We now live in the (English) north east and it has never happened to me here, and I'm quite happy to chat to random old folk about the bairns.

OP relax, it was just a nice gesture. Nothing sinister about it at all.

sashh Fri 17-May-13 07:09:33

but apparently it's lucky to put it in the child's palm

It's superposed to show what the child will do with money as an adult, if they hold on they will be a saver, if they drop it the will fritter money away - eating it confused

One thing my Geordie Nan used to do was stick a 10p coin into any Champagne corkscrew used for Celebratory things then give it to the youngest child. Anyone else know of this?

Not to give to a child but for luck, or to mark a celebration so if you order champagne to celebrate getting engaged someone should do the coin (silver) in the cork for you to keep.

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning Sat 18-May-13 08:05:50

A sad sign of the times that something do innocent has now got this sort of reaction.

An old gent at church used to bring me sweets every week, guess he must have been trying to groom me hmm

pumpkinsweetie Sat 18-May-13 08:20:32

It sounds as though it was just a lovely gesture as your boy had been excellent in his behaviour.
Years ago it was tradition for older folk to produce a pound coin from begind a child's ear.

If this was a child out alone, then yes I would find it suspect but considering you we're with your child I can't see why you would assume anything other than gratefulness tbh.

PastaBeeandCheese Sat 18-May-13 08:22:10

YABU. As OPs have said he was just being nice. It has never occurred to me that anyone would mind this.... DD has been given coins before by people who have said she has made their day with her antics.

In fact I once gave a 5 Euro note to a little girl on a flight who made me laugh the whole time. I told her it was for ice creams on her holiday. I hope her parents didn't think I was a weirdo child catcher.

Selks Sat 18-May-13 08:27:58

I think things like this are really sweet actually. My grown up son still remembers fondly the day a market stall holder gave him the hugest strawberry from the pile on the stall.

greenformica Sat 18-May-13 08:32:31

It's quite an old fashioned thing to do. As a child I was often given money by older strangers - male and female. I think it's a generation thing. As a family we had little money due to my dads job but we were very charitable too.

HollyBerryBush Sat 18-May-13 08:32:51

One thing my Geordie Nan used to do was stick a 10p coin into any Champagne corkscrew used for Celebratory things then give it to the youngest child. Anyone else know of this?

My best mates family did this - they were of Irish descent.

Never come across anyone else doing it.

Putting a silver sixpence was quite common when I was growing up. Ditto you never gift a purse without a coin in it.

I've come to the conclusion that all these old traditions die out because neurotic mothers think everyone else is a weirdo/paedo it's absolutely ridiculous. No wonder social skills are so lacking in some quarters.

Kafri Sat 18-May-13 08:37:25

I could understand you op if you were saying you were walking up the street and a crazy looking man/lady came chasing after you to thrust money at you ds but really? a man you have already let interact with your child, got on well with him and then treated him to a 'penny' to treat himself.

I realise there are a few weirdos about these days but really?

and as for going home to get support from dh over why its wrong...

whats wrong with 'oh we had a lovely day having pictures taken and the kimd photographer gave ds 2 quid afterwards for being so entertaining'

BarredfromhavingStella Sat 18-May-13 09:05:50

YABU, the fact that you, your DH & some of your friends found an act of kindness weird is more worrying hmm

SparklyGothKat Sat 18-May-13 09:20:58

Supposed to be good luck. People have given my babies 50p. 'Crossing their Palms with silver'

overprotection Sat 18-May-13 09:30:52

I realise there are a few weirdos about these days but really?

The only increase in weirdos 'these days' is amongst weirdo parents who think anybody who interacts with their child is a paedo.

edwardsmum11 Sat 18-May-13 09:36:23

Don't see the issue.

gobbledegook1 Sat 18-May-13 11:04:17

Its a supersticious thing. Its supposed to be a silver coin though, crossing a baby / young childs palm with silver is supposed to bring luck / good fortune. My friend gave my eldest a fifty pence as a baby for this reason.

ladymariner Sat 18-May-13 19:26:11

Yeah a piece of silver pressed into the baby's palm is definitely supposed to bring good luck, ds ended up with a nice little amount to put into his money box.

pigletmania Sat 18-May-13 19:35:08

Yabvvvu what a kind man. Not all men are paedo you know. Accept his money with good grace and mabey pop it in a charity collection. This used to happen when I was a kid

Floggingmolly Sat 18-May-13 21:21:44

It's definitely an Irish thing smile. There was nothing secretive about it, op, what sinister reason did you imagine was behind it?

ThisIsMummyPig Sat 18-May-13 21:40:42

This reminds me of when I was having a nightmare in tescos with a tantrumming 2yo, and a wilful 4yo. In the end I was pushing the trolley with my belly and wrists, holding the rigid 2yo, while the 4yo put food in the trolley.

I could only buy food from the bottom three shelves, but I had to get some stuff.

Near the end an old lady saw how helpful DD1 was being and tried to give her money for sweets. I was a bit embarrassed, and really didn't want to have to backtrack to the sweetie aisle.

She looked in her purse, and couldn't find a coin, she was so mortified I ended up giving money to DD1 myself. Then I gave DD2 a coin, and she stopped tantrumming. The same woman saw me at the till with the angelic children, we had a nice chat

Then DD2 wet herself, in the trolley seat, all over my shopping.

Pouncer1 Sat 18-May-13 21:57:32

Silver is for good luck. My DCs would bring home £5-£10 sometimes after sitting in the trolley in tesco for an hour. In Wales this is completely normal.

englishrosie Sun 19-May-13 21:37:57

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

GrendelsMum Sun 19-May-13 21:58:25

DO I count at the oldest person to be given money for sweets? A few years back, I helped out an elderly lady who was confused about which platform she should be on at the station, carried her bag to the right train, etc etc. as she got in the train she gave me a pound 'to buy myself some chocolate with'. I was aged about 32 at the time...

agedknees Mon 20-May-13 19:58:23

I give a pound coin to all the babies in the outpatient clinic I work in. Maybe that's why I am known as the old mad nurse.

PipkinsPal Mon 20-May-13 20:05:13

It's a Welsh thing too. My Aunties used to try to give me and my DSis money when we were little but because we had been told not to accept money we would try and refuse. In the end my Dad told us say "No thank you" twice and then on the third insistence say "Thank you very much" and take it.

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