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aibu to tell the next person who tells me that i must be naturally skinny to sod off?!

(122 Posts)
inneedofsomehelpplz Wed 15-May-13 19:03:20

my baby is under 4 months & i am sick & tired of people telling me ive sprung back into shape so must be naturally skinny!!!! no, far from it..... i havetoast for breakfast, an apple for lunch & a small bowl of pasta with peas for dinner. i also try & excercise where i can. ive worked bloody hard on losing my baby weight & want to scream at people im bloody well hungry & want a nice juicy cheesy pizza!!!!!!

NorbertDentressangle Wed 15-May-13 20:16:28

That really isn't a well balanced diet.

4 months post birth you are still recovering and adjusting (physically, mentally and emotionally) - you need to be looking after yourself, eating wholesome, nourishing food not starving yourself.

Don't make yourself ill.

Viviennemary Wed 15-May-13 20:22:53

You must tell them you are having a totally miserable time starving yourself for the sake of vanity.

UniqueAndAmazing Wed 15-May-13 20:27:07

ah, sweetheart, you really do need to eat and not worry about the weight.
you need to eat about 2000calories a day wgen you're bfing.

if you're worried about pooing because of your tears, then eat loads of fibre filled food and roughage.
drink.plenty of water and juice, but avoid teaand coffee.
weetabix, porridge, that kind of thing should help to make it a bit softer.

Forgetfulmog Wed 15-May-13 20:32:24

OP please listen to the posters on this thread. What you are eating is not enough to sustain a normal adult, let alone a new mum & let alone a bf new mum at that. You risk getting osteoporosis at a later age if you're deficient in calcium too. Vitamins are not intended to replace a healthy diet. My LO is 8 months & I am now back to being about a size bigger than my pre-preg figure, but I have not dieted - I try to eat a good range of food, fruit & veg & generally do about an hrs worth of walking each day. I am also bf & there is absolutely no way I could survive on what you're eating.

Please, for the sake of your health & sanity, eat more.

OnTheNingNangNong Wed 15-May-13 20:32:31

You NEED to eat more while breastfeeding- you will end up very ill in the sake of vanity.

See your doctor tomorrow and show them this.

CalamityJones Wed 15-May-13 20:39:17

If you eat more, you may find yourself losing weight more easily. At the moment you are starving your body and teaching it to survive on less and less food - which isn't sustainable. At least swap the toast for boiled eggs and the pasta for some protein.

But letting your weight occupy your every waking thought when you've got a tiny baby to look after seems a bit of a waste of one of the most amazing times of your life. Relax. Have some cake.

aquashiv Wed 15-May-13 20:50:22

Go easy on easy on yourself Op try and relax for yours and your babies sake. The less you eat the more likely you are to put on weight when you eat a normal amount.

adagio Wed 15-May-13 20:54:29

If you follow some of the breast feeding threads you will find anecdotal accounts of happier/more settled babies if you up the protein, and oats being good for milk (as well as your bowels).

With this in mind, I have switched from a carb heavy cereal to eggs for breakfast, and made flapjack (search recipe board for the condensed milk one) with added ground almonds, pumpkin seeds, chopped up some mixed nuts (lidl do cheaper) and slightly increased the oats/reduced the fat and switched half the butter to rapeseed oil. Protein fills you up more too, which is a bonus.

My baby is coming on for 5 months, and to my eyes I only get to feed her exclusively for a few short months in the great scheme of things and she doesn't give a flying fig if my bum is large or small, as to her eyes I am perfect (this probably won't last…).

In fairness, a protein heavy diet, snacks in moderation and always choose something protein-ey (even peanut m & m 's are better than complete crap) and I am feeling pretty good, and the weight is coming off, albeit gradually. Carbs by contrast give me a spike and a crash, not what you need during crying sessions…

Try more protein? if it doesn't help then fine, go back to what you are doing now

Oh, and I do think YABU your baby needs you to eat more and be as much fun as possible while you remain the centre of the world.

BonaDrag Wed 15-May-13 20:56:57

Yawn. Have a pie and STFU

MikeOxard Wed 15-May-13 21:03:31

Congrats on your new baby and well done for losing weight. It is hard. Unfortunately, it's not fashionable to care about your weight and diet successfully, nobody wants to hear about it - it makes them feel bad. It's fashionable to pretend to be happy with your overweightness and not do anything about it, or pretend you eat like a horse and are naturally slim. I presume that now you have lost the weight and are slim, you will be allowing yourself more calories than you describe in the OP, since you wish to maintain now, rather than keep losing? Chin up. x

D0oinMeCleanin Wed 15-May-13 21:07:36

Skinny is not out of fashion sadly, it should be. Strong should be in fashion instead. People should aim to be fit, not skinny.

You cannot become fit or strong on a diet like OP describes and what sort of message will it send to her child if she continues (without killing herself in the process)?

Surely it would be better for both OP and baby to lose the weight healthily, eating a higher protein, unprocessed healthy diet and exercising along with aiming to be fit and strong instead of aiming to be skinny.

maddening Wed 15-May-13 21:13:12

if you told them what you were eating they wouldn't be saying that. Sounds like less that 700 calories per day whilst still recovering from pregnancy and looking after a baby! That is not healthy - your body has been through a lot - it needs nutrients and protein to repair.

by all means diet but do so sensibly - 1 apple, 1 piece of bread and some pasta and peas is not sensible.

ChairmanWow Wed 15-May-13 21:15:43

Jesus mikeoxard this isn't about caring about your weight or dieting successfully this is someone who is eating barely enough to get through the day. Someone who 4 months after giving birth is fixating on getting her figure back. And she sounds utterly miserable. Fashion doesn't come into it. It's about having a healthy relationship with food and realistic expectations about regaining your figure post-birth.

OP you need some support.

SirBoobAlot Wed 15-May-13 21:22:12

You need to eat more than that. Especially if you are breastfeeding.

Starving yourself like this will not make you beautiful, it will make you ill.

UniqueAndAmazing Wed 15-May-13 22:56:30

when dd got to a year, I was at 8st 13lb, lighter than i'd been for 10 years. breastfeeding and eating double the amounnt as in pregnancy.

you use a lot of calories breastfeeding.

UniqueAndAmazing Wed 15-May-13 22:58:17

calamity boiled eggs are protein.
in fact, the German word for protein is eiweiss - literally egg-white

DoctorAnge Wed 15-May-13 23:00:55

All this pressure to loose weight after a baby. Stupid sleb culture.

BasketzatDawn Wed 15-May-13 23:09:39

We'd all be thin too if we ate as little as you, OP. However, U would NBU if you told 'them' to feck off and stop fixating on how thin youare or aren't, then maybe you'd be less fixated too, and then maybe eat some pizza ..... and I think this is a HUGE problem in society generally. Yes, it's good for all sorts of reasons to be thinner rather than fat, but it's very concerning that so much is made of this, as it kind of perpetuates the myth that somehow skinny/underweight is better than a vague covering of adipose. Just another point, I've been all sorts of weights as a mother, ranging from slim to very fat, and - guess what - the DC love me regardless. Remember the line from Notting Hill, by the Julia Roberts cahracter? that's what i thought of when i read the OP.

MrsMook Wed 15-May-13 23:30:32

If you're still struggling following the tear, you need more fibre to make it more comfortable. Have you had a follow-up other than the routine 6wk check? I had a 3rd degree tear 4 1/2 weeks ago. I'm occasionally needing to use the lactulose and fibogel to keep motions comfortable. A hemorroid isn't helping either- I have cream for that. My hospital routinely offers a 3mth check up to ensure everything is fully functional. If things aren't right, don't suffer in silence- you've basicly had surgery in a sensitive part of the body.

You need to fuel yourself more. Weight lost gently and healthily stays off better. As much as I'd like to be back to my pre-pregnant size (and have some trousers that fit!) some patience and sensible choices will stand me in good stead in the long run.

BestParentEver Wed 15-May-13 23:53:30

I agree with word and Leeds above.

Stop being so shallow and feed yourself properly. A malnourished mum is not good for a baby

SacreBlue Thu 16-May-13 00:11:18

It sounds like you are putting yourself through a bit of unnecessary stress <hugs OP>

Have a chat with your HV or GP about making life a bit easier on yourself. Your will power must be strong involuntarily thinks of Star Wars 'the force is strong with this one grin and that is a good thing but you are using it to beat yourself up a bit and that is must be exhausting for you.

Ease up on yourself and you may find that even if people still make comments you don't like you and bubba will be much less stressed and you won't notice or care as much about what others think

You don't have to stuff your face with cheese and chocolate tho I throughly recommend it occasionally but you can just cut yourself some slack and enjoy eating, it is something you will have to do everyday for the rest of your life so not a good place to create a battleground.

<passes OP a big slice of guilt-free pizza>

inneedofsomehelpplz Thu 16-May-13 09:17:31

thanx again to the people offering their own experiences & advice & to the people stating im not putting baby first - this is untrue - i devote my life to my children + going back to work to provide for them. i have a doctors app this morning to discuss my eating habits & get them to look down below as nearly 4 months on, should it really still hurt to poop? & yes, it is expected to ping back to shape after having a baby which is wrong. do people really think i like looking like skeletor? my original op should have mentioned that im scared to eat because of pooping it out so im sorry.

eccentrica Thu 16-May-13 09:52:12

Sorry but I think you are in denial to some extent (I say this as someone who has suffered from anorexia and bulimia in the past). In your original post you said

"ive worked bloody hard on losing my baby weight & want to scream at people im bloody well hungry & want a nice juicy cheesy pizza!!!!!!"

so it's not just about being scared of going to the toilet is it?

I found having a baby was an amazing opportunity to stop obsessing about weight and calories, the weight came off very gradually. Took just over a year before I was back to a weight I was happy with - not my pre-pregnancy weight which was far too low.

I hope your doctor is helpful and I wish you all the best with getting over your eating problems. I also recommend eating more fruit and veg, your diet sound very low in fruit and veg and that isn't going to help with going to the loo either!

MulberryJane Thu 16-May-13 09:59:56

I think you are putting yourself under a lot of pressure and this is manifesting itself as an eating disorder, I'm 6 months on after 2nd degree tears and I'm only just starting to feel 'normal' down there. Don't feel that everything should be back to normal, it might be that you have scar tissue causing pain and you need some lactolose, rather than not eating anything. I think you must be making it look like everything is going very well on the outside and this is why people don't acknowledge that you might be struggling. They are probably wondering how you are making it so easy! In reality this isn't the case, for any new mum! I think you should confide in a friend or relative about finding things tough, it's normal to find things tough, so that you have some support. Then go to your GP as planned, they'll be able to help you and you can confide in them without fear of being judged. I hope you're feeling better soon.

OwlLady Thu 16-May-13 10:00:11

Well done for going to the GP. I hope they can help you sad Please be completely honest with them about everything

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