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To "wobble" on dp regarding moving in together?

(19 Posts)
FeckingPerfect Wed 15-May-13 18:44:56

We'd been together a few months when we had the 'exclusive' chat. He told me he'd come off dating sites and wanted things to work with me - I felt the same. I thought everything was fine and then a few months later I found out that he'd rejoined the dating sites and was actively searching for a new relationship. I finished with him. He apologised, said he just didn't know what he wanted and that's why he'd messed around but he was sure this time. I gave him another chance. He promised we were now exlusive and he loved me and wanted things to work long term. We'd been together almost a year and he wouldn't introduce me to his family. I kept asking why and he kept saying he just never gets around to it, they're all busy, he's over-protective of his kids etc etc .... all along I suspected it was because he wasn't 100% committed to me. He denied this and swore it was because of what he said and that he was totally 100% committed to me. Finally, he introduced me to his family and his kids. He's just told me now that up until 2 months ago, he wasn't sure if he was 100% committed to me and that's the real reason he never introduced me to anyone. I mean, for fucks sake I asked him over and over again if that was the reason and he swore it wasn't. Now he doesn't understand why I'm pissed off because "You got to meet them in the end" - yeah but that was after months of you lying to me!!!

So our history is littered with him "not knowing what he wants" yet neglecting to tell me this (there are other examples of him stringing me along letting me think everything is fine when really he's not all that up for it) and now I really distrust what he tells me. More so, because we're due to move into our new house in 4 weeks and now and again I get a glimpse of him 'wobbling' on me. I keep asking him over and over again if everything is ok and is he having second thoughts and he swears that everything is fine but we've been here before haven't we and he doesn't understand why I'm so concerned, stressed out and worried. I've spent months and months of our relationship thinking something totally different to what he is thinking.

And he says "yeah, but I mean it now - I know what I want now - but he said all that last time and the time before that. He doesn't get how his persistant dishonesty (even if he thinks he was doing me a favour by not telling me his worries) has affected my trust in him.

FeckingPerfect Wed 15-May-13 18:46:19

And to make matters worse, he moved in to my house months ago, yet he wasn't commited at that point?? I feel like our whole relationship has just been him taking me for a ride

minibmw2010 Wed 15-May-13 18:49:20

Do not move in with this person - it couldn't be clearer that you are going to become single again at some stage soon (I'm sorry though).

Sallyingforth Wed 15-May-13 18:49:45

I think you already know the answer to this. He's not to be trusted.

StuntGirl Wed 15-May-13 18:54:50

Why would you put yourself through this? Dump the loser. You are worth more than this.

TheseFoolishThings Wed 15-May-13 19:00:05

Whatever else you decide DO NOT move in with him. Not now, probably not ever. I think if you were to make yourself considerably less available for a while he'd have time to think. He's dicking you about and you're more or less letting him. Stop it. Now. Get him to move out of your house and into his own place and you be otherwise occupied for a while. Do this for yourself and your own peace of mind.

badguider Wed 15-May-13 19:01:51

some people think that keeping their thoughts/worries to themselves is the right thing to do.

i couldn't share my life with somebody like that.

NoWayPedro Wed 15-May-13 19:37:30

From a pure financial perspective - don't do it. Had a friend with a partner of 5+ yrs, no apparent issues. She was v independent, owned own home etc. Anyway, bought a house together - a couple of months later he fucked off. Couldn't have been more surprised. Most of the equity was hers, she was living miles from anywhere etc. and has had a v rough time since.

Sorry OP sad

ChaoticTranquility Wed 15-May-13 19:58:39

FGS don't move in with him, dump him and find someone who deserves you,

Jestrin Wed 15-May-13 20:25:56

I'm confused. In your second post you said he had moved in with you . So in effect you are living together now? From what you've said in your original post he needs to be kicked out and pronto! I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

Squitten Wed 15-May-13 20:28:02

Why on EARTH are you putting up with this crap?!

I think you would be foolish indeed to become financially entangled with him any further.

AncientCrone Wed 15-May-13 20:37:33

Does he make you happy, OP?

raisah Wed 15-May-13 20:46:26

Dont move in or have a baby with him. You deserve so much better and a happy relationship with someone who is committed to you. Cut him loose and put it down to a bad experience and move on.

VelvetSpoon Wed 15-May-13 20:48:45

Are you the same person who has posted about this many times before?

If so, the answer is still the same. He is, and will remain a fuckwit. Bin him off and find someone more deserving of your time.

pinkr Wed 15-May-13 21:06:04

Were you the op whose partner wasn't going to have her on the mortgage? !

34DD Wed 15-May-13 21:14:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hashtagwhatever Wed 15-May-13 21:24:54

Fuck him off. ..

What does he do for you??

LemonPeculiarJones Wed 15-May-13 22:31:07

Don't move in with him. Your instincts are right.

It is impossible to tell if he is genuine or not and all your past experience points to the latter, since he lied to you at least twice before.

Don't waste any more time on him. And why should you devote so much of yourself, your love, your hopes for the future, on someone who wasn't sure if he really wanted you for months and months? And may still not really be sure?

You deserve better.

WhereYouLeftIt Wed 15-May-13 22:41:26

Read your own OP FeckingPerfect. Several times if need be. You know he's lying to you - AGAIN. In four weeks time, I think it would be best if he moved to the new house and you stayed where you are. It would be foolish to become financially entangled with this man, because it's pretty clear you're going to have to disentangle yourself pretty soon later. Sorry, but he isn't committed, you know he isn't. He is treating you very badly, it looks as if he thinks you'll do until something better comes along. And for god's sake, don't even consider having a child by him!

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