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to resent my partner buying a new PS3, when I can't afford ante natal classes

(202 Posts)
Jadems Wed 15-May-13 18:25:20

Want to throttle my partner at the moment. Just found out that he's bought a new PS3 (replacing the somehow broken current one), with a plan not to tell me. The plan is to 'switch' over the two, so I won't notice.

Wouldn't normally mind. But. We're really short of money at the moment. Keep being told that we need to cut back. I'm not working, we're paying out a huge CSA bill due to assessment of gross not net income, due to have to pay out a huge tax bill due to tax mix up, paying for a barrister for DP's residency issues with his ex- wife and our first baby is due in late July. I'm not able to afford maternity clothes (currently wearing a size 6 skirt that won't zip up fully any more), and just had to cancel my place on the NCT ante natal course because of lack of funds.

AIBU to want to kill him. I know it's 'his' money as he earns it, but to expect me to have to wing pushing a person out of my vagina when we can't afford ante natal care whilst he can afford 'boys toys' - this is really pushing ALL my buttons.

Undertone Wed 15-May-13 18:26:23

Of course YANBU. What a dick. He needs to take it back for a refund.

PicaK Wed 15-May-13 18:27:57

NCT usually offer vastly reduced fees if you're not working - have you told them?

CloudsAndTrees Wed 15-May-13 18:28:40

YANBU to be pissed off with him, he sounds like a cock. But if you're not working and you got pregnant with the current financial situation you have, I'm not sure there's much you can do about it.

Ragwort Wed 15-May-13 18:28:47

YANBU but personally I cannot see the attraction of a grown man who spends his time and money on a playstation <not helpful>. Particularly if he admits he was trying to 'hide' it from you.

It's not 'his' money, you are a family, if he is like this now - what will he be like in the future? hmm

BunnyLebowski Wed 15-May-13 18:28:48

He is bang out of order for deceiving you and wasting money on silly toys when you can't afford it.

However you don't need antenatal classes. No-one does.

kritur Wed 15-May-13 18:32:30

He's out of order spending money you don't have but the NHS do free ante natal classes, you don't need to do NCT (unless you really want to be with a load of others who pay for ante natal classes and not slumming it with those of us in the free ones...)

lottiegarbanzo Wed 15-May-13 18:33:58

YANBU to be very, very cross and to sit him down for a big discussion abut you being a family and it being family money, which needs to be budgeted and accounted for in a fair and agreed way.

In the meantime, you can take control of the ante-natal situation. NHS classes are fine but you can also call NCT and ask for an income-related discount. Look in charity shops for clothes - if you let the local ones know what you're looking for and pop in once a week they might alert you to what's new, or even put things aside for you to try.

QuintessentialOHara Wed 15-May-13 18:34:51

And what exactly attracted you to this "fine specimen" of a man?

Some women really know how to chase the rods for their own backs.....

MammaTJ Wed 15-May-13 18:36:25

Oh dear.

My DP annoyed me recently over a broken PS3 too. He badgered me about when we could buy a new one. I told him once we had saved up enough, whenever that may be. Rent council tax etc come first.

He sulked a bit and I told him I am currently unable to pull money out of my arse, but should I gain such a skill I will let him know promptly.

I was staying at a friends and these conversations (yes, plural) took place via phone.

He then phoned me a day later and told me 'You don't have to worry about buying me a PS3, my mum and dad are buying me one'.

Er, love, I was not worried in the slightest!!

He does not have enough control over our bank accounts to buy one sneakily though.

HoneyDragon Wed 15-May-13 18:36:55

What's he going to do if one of his toys break and you can't do the buttons up on your babies clothes and you can't afford to replace them?

Fairylea Wed 15-May-13 18:36:59

Not acceptable at all.

How will you manage finances when the baby is here?

dashoflime Wed 15-May-13 18:39:42


He is being selfish and its both your money not just his!


1. NCT do a sliding scale of fees so you may still be able to afford it
2. Their classes are bollocks

CloudsAndTrees Wed 15-May-13 18:40:49

She will be able to get her very own share of taxpayer money by the time baby is here hmm

Go on, flame away and tell me I know nothing about how she conceived. I'll go get my suit.

WipsGlitter Wed 15-May-13 18:42:38

Do you work? How much do you know about your overall financial situation? DP and I go against the mumsnet grain and have totally separate finances and when I read stuff like this I'm glad.

eBay is good for maternity stuff.

UpTheFRIGGinDuff Wed 15-May-13 18:43:14


Twinklestarstwinklestars Wed 15-May-13 18:43:15

Yanbu about the ps3 but nct antenatal classes aren't essential either, I never went to any (my choice) but they also don't do nct ones round here.

QuintessentialOHara Wed 15-May-13 18:43:35

Totally disagree that NCT Classes are bollocks.

fuzzpig Wed 15-May-13 18:44:09

YANBU, he is being selfish and the plan to lie was really awful.

BikeRunSki Wed 15-May-13 18:44:35

You are really going to have to sort out the whole 'his' and 'hers' approach to money before the baby is here.

ilikehomecookedfood Wed 15-May-13 18:44:56

I think they are both non essentials, sorry. However adequate clothing isn't a non essential.

StuntGirl Wed 15-May-13 18:45:50

It's the deceit that would do it for me.

Do you live together? Why is it his money vs your money? Have you had any discussion over finances? You need to organise this now before the baby arrives. Do not put yourself in a position where he spends family money on luxuries for himself while his partner and child suffer.

HandMini Wed 15-May-13 18:46:33

YANBU about his behaviour. It's not "his" money - it's your shared money as a family.

Does your hospital do antenatal classes? That might provide a bit of a social circle. As for things you actually need to know....well, I promise you you could get it all from a book in the library. Or better still, the Mumsnet childbirth threads. ,

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 15-May-13 18:47:14

QuintessentialOHara Wed 15-May-13 18:43:35
Totally disagree that NCT Classes are bollocks.

Me too.

Yours may have been shite dashoflime, mine weren't.

McNewPants2013 Wed 15-May-13 18:47:57

I wouldn't worry about nct classes, but he was UR to buy something you can't afford

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