My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

to resent my partner buying a new PS3, when I can't afford ante natal classes

201 replies

Jadems · 15/05/2013 18:25

Want to throttle my partner at the moment. Just found out that he's bought a new PS3 (replacing the somehow broken current one), with a plan not to tell me. The plan is to 'switch' over the two, so I won't notice.

Wouldn't normally mind. But. We're really short of money at the moment. Keep being told that we need to cut back. I'm not working, we're paying out a huge CSA bill due to assessment of gross not net income, due to have to pay out a huge tax bill due to tax mix up, paying for a barrister for DP's residency issues with his ex- wife and our first baby is due in late July. I'm not able to afford maternity clothes (currently wearing a size 6 skirt that won't zip up fully any more), and just had to cancel my place on the NCT ante natal course because of lack of funds.

AIBU to want to kill him. I know it's 'his' money as he earns it, but to expect me to have to wing pushing a person out of my vagina when we can't afford ante natal care whilst he can afford 'boys toys' - this is really pushing ALL my buttons.

OP posts:
Report
Undertone · 15/05/2013 18:26

Of course YANBU. What a dick. He needs to take it back for a refund.

Report
PicaK · 15/05/2013 18:27

NCT usually offer vastly reduced fees if you're not working - have you told them?

Report
CloudsAndTrees · 15/05/2013 18:28

YANBU to be pissed off with him, he sounds like a cock. But if you're not working and you got pregnant with the current financial situation you have, I'm not sure there's much you can do about it.

Report
Ragwort · 15/05/2013 18:28

YANBU but personally I cannot see the attraction of a grown man who spends his time and money on a playstation . Particularly if he admits he was trying to 'hide' it from you.

It's not 'his' money, you are a family, if he is like this now - what will he be like in the future? Hmm

Report
BunnyLebowski · 15/05/2013 18:28

He is bang out of order for deceiving you and wasting money on silly toys when you can't afford it.

However you don't need antenatal classes. No-one does.

Report
kritur · 15/05/2013 18:32

He's out of order spending money you don't have but the NHS do free ante natal classes, you don't need to do NCT (unless you really want to be with a load of others who pay for ante natal classes and not slumming it with those of us in the free ones...)

Report
lottiegarbanzo · 15/05/2013 18:33

YANBU to be very, very cross and to sit him down for a big discussion abut you being a family and it being family money, which needs to be budgeted and accounted for in a fair and agreed way.

In the meantime, you can take control of the ante-natal situation. NHS classes are fine but you can also call NCT and ask for an income-related discount. Look in charity shops for clothes - if you let the local ones know what you're looking for and pop in once a week they might alert you to what's new, or even put things aside for you to try.

Report
QuintessentialOHara · 15/05/2013 18:34

And what exactly attracted you to this "fine specimen" of a man?

Some women really know how to chase the rods for their own backs.....

Report
MammaTJ · 15/05/2013 18:36

Oh dear.

My DP annoyed me recently over a broken PS3 too. He badgered me about when we could buy a new one. I told him once we had saved up enough, whenever that may be. Rent council tax etc come first.

He sulked a bit and I told him I am currently unable to pull money out of my arse, but should I gain such a skill I will let him know promptly.

I was staying at a friends and these conversations (yes, plural) took place via phone.

He then phoned me a day later and told me 'You don't have to worry about buying me a PS3, my mum and dad are buying me one'.

Er, love, I was not worried in the slightest!!

He does not have enough control over our bank accounts to buy one sneakily though.

Report
HoneyDragon · 15/05/2013 18:36

What's he going to do if one of his toys break and you can't do the buttons up on your babies clothes and you can't afford to replace them?

Report
Fairylea · 15/05/2013 18:36

Not acceptable at all.

How will you manage finances when the baby is here?

Report
dashoflime · 15/05/2013 18:39

YANBU

He is being selfish and its both your money not just his!

However:

  1. NCT do a sliding scale of fees so you may still be able to afford it
  2. Their classes are bollocks
Report
CloudsAndTrees · 15/05/2013 18:40

She will be able to get her very own share of taxpayer money by the time baby is here Hmm

Go on, flame away and tell me I know nothing about how she conceived. I'll go get my suit.

Report
WipsGlitter · 15/05/2013 18:42

Do you work? How much do you know about your overall financial situation? DP and I go against the mumsnet grain and have totally separate finances and when I read stuff like this I'm glad.

eBay is good for maternity stuff.

Report
UpTheFRIGGinDuff · 15/05/2013 18:43
Report
Twinklestarstwinklestars · 15/05/2013 18:43

Yanbu about the ps3 but nct antenatal classes aren't essential either, I never went to any (my choice) but they also don't do nct ones round here.

Report
QuintessentialOHara · 15/05/2013 18:43

Totally disagree that NCT Classes are bollocks.

Report
fuzzpig · 15/05/2013 18:44

YANBU, he is being selfish and the plan to lie was really awful.

Report
BikeRunSki · 15/05/2013 18:44

You are really going to have to sort out the whole 'his' and 'hers' approach to money before the baby is here.

Report
ilikehomecookedfood · 15/05/2013 18:44

I think they are both non essentials, sorry. However adequate clothing isn't a non essential.

Report
StuntGirl · 15/05/2013 18:45

It's the deceit that would do it for me.

Do you live together? Why is it his money vs your money? Have you had any discussion over finances? You need to organise this now before the baby arrives. Do not put yourself in a position where he spends family money on luxuries for himself while his partner and child suffer.

Report
HandMini · 15/05/2013 18:46

YANBU about his behaviour. It's not "his" money - it's your shared money as a family.

Does your hospital do antenatal classes? That might provide a bit of a social circle. As for things you actually need to know....well, I promise you you could get it all from a book in the library. Or better still, the Mumsnet childbirth threads. ,

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 15/05/2013 18:47

QuintessentialOHara Wed 15-May-13 18:43:35
Totally disagree that NCT Classes are bollocks.

Me too.

Yours may have been shite dashoflime, mine weren't.

Report
McNewPants2013 · 15/05/2013 18:47

I wouldn't worry about nct classes, but he was UR to buy something you can't afford

Report
NaturalBaby · 15/05/2013 18:48

YANBU.
Can you get a discount on the NCT course? They are a charity and offer reduced rates if you can't afford a course.
How does he think you're going to be able to afford to buy baby necessities if he's spending all his money on overpriced electrical equipment? My DH never had time for his xbox once baby arrived!

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.