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to not take DD to her one year review because the HV was an absolute cow on the phone?

(111 Posts)
Namethattune Wed 15-May-13 14:20:29

I had a letter today with an appointment for DC1s 1 year review with the HV team. It was at a time when she'd normally be just going down for a nap, so I phoned to ask (very politely) if it would be possible to change the time. The woman on the phone told me that "they aren't prepared to change the time on the basis that it doesn't fit in with her nap". I can either have an inconvenient appointment, or not have one at all.

She was a real cow, and I actually cried once I'd put the phone down. So now I have an appointment that DD will probably scream all the way through, because she's tired. Considering that every HV I've come into contact with has either been clueless, or has made me feel like I'm doing it all wrong, I'm considering just not going. What do they do at the 1 year review anyway? Is it important??

wannabedomesticgoddess Wed 15-May-13 14:25:27

Personally I think you were being a bit silly. Yes, its inconvenient. Its annoying. But there are more people to be seen than just you and it is a bit of a ridiculous reason to change times.

However, she should not have been rude.

You are not obliged to see the HV.

squidlywidly Wed 15-May-13 14:26:22

I'd just put her down for her nap as normal. It is most likely that the HV wouldn't turn up on time so at least she will get some sleep. We haven't had ours yet, so I don't know for sure, but i do think that it would be important for your daughter to see if there are any development areas that you may have overlooked, so I think that it would be beneficial for you to still have one.

TheseFoolishThings Wed 15-May-13 14:28:02

Don't go. It's not compulsory. I think HVs must take a special exam in being completely clueless - the one I had took vocal and shocked exception to my son's dummy - he was 6m old at the time. She took one look at it and asked me what problems there were in my relationship. Seriously. First question. And only question - she got showed the door and that was the last I ever had to do with her or any other HV.

Tee2072 Wed 15-May-13 14:28:12

You don't have to see a HV. So don't.

But I do think you need to be at least a little bit less precious about her nap. Life happens, despite nap time.

redskyatnight Wed 15-May-13 14:28:52

The HV doesn't actually need to see your DD though ... (other than I think they might get weighed but hardly a big problem if they don't).

It's more for you to discuss how she is getting on.

So put her down for her nap as usual.

PoppyAmex Wed 15-May-13 14:29:02

I think they have set clinic hours for baby checks, so I think they wouldn't be able to accomodate you, even if they wanted.

Sadly, there will be times when you won't be able to plan your life around your DD's naps, so you have to bite the bullet.

MrsMangoBiscuit Wed 15-May-13 14:29:30

I think I'd be phoning back and very sweetly cancelling the appointment.

"Thank you for explaining the choices so clearly to me. I think we'll have to opt for the latter option you gave of "not having one at all". Afterall, I do need to put DDs needs first. Thank you again, bye bye."

They can't accomodate you're desire to change appointment, fair enough, they are probably over stretched just like everywhere else in the NHS. That doesn't mean she has to be aggressive or rude.

For DD's check the only concern raised was that she was so tall. They even suggested we come back in 6 months to have her re-measured, in case action was needed! DH asked what they planned to do, chop off her feet? grin Our HV was great, and was very helpful whenever we phoned, but the check ups seemed fairly pointless. We already knew DD was progressing just fine.

ziggyf Wed 15-May-13 14:29:32

Is it at home? If so, just put her down for her nap then get her up when you need to. My DS2 was hoiked out of bed all the time at that age to do the school run etc. It's inconvenient but not the end of the world.

PoppyAmex Wed 15-May-13 14:29:59

Around here, you have to go to the health centre for the 1 year check.

PrincessScrumpy Wed 15-May-13 14:30:35

I wouldn't disturb dtds nap for a hv. If you don't have any concerns then I wouldn't worry about going. At dtds 1year check the hv arrived at 10.30am and was surprised that myself and dtds had managed to get dressed! I pointed out that we'd been up since 6.30am and had been out of the house at 8am to take dd1 to school. completely pointless waste of time. Naps are golden and essential for child development and your well being!

Helltotheno Wed 15-May-13 14:31:03

Well she could've been nicer about it... like she could've said they're used to dealing with cranky babies who haven't had their nap!!

At the same time, you're being a bit precious. I guess we had a rule that the babes fit in with whatever was going on in our lives rather than vice versa otherwise we may never have left the house!
As someone said, let her sleep and bring her down until you're called, she'll be fine smile

Kat101 Wed 15-May-13 14:33:07

I would be writing to the Practice Manager and/or making an appointment with my GP, mentioning the issue and your understanding that you know they cant jump through hoops just for you but that she was so rude you were in tears at the end of the phone call.

Cant see you have anything to lose. Bet you get a better appointment time offered!

CloudsAndTrees Wed 15-May-13 14:33:37

You sound a bit pathetic tbh. You would rather miss an appointment that could potentially pick up on any developmental difficulties your dd may have because it clashes with nap time?

Is that for real?

You think the HV was a cow, but is that just because she didn't give you the answer you wanted or was she actually rude? She may have been surprised that someone wanted another appointment for such a petty reason.

JollyGolightly Wed 15-May-13 14:36:08

Our HVs are lovely and would have no issue with changing the time, it was not an unreasonable request.

everlong Wed 15-May-13 14:37:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyintheRadiator Wed 15-May-13 14:37:30

Completely precious.

I'm sure your baby won't combust if she's a little late for her nap.

Doha Wed 15-May-13 14:38:30

Health visitors==visitors from hell.

The best advice l got albeit 20 years ago from my GP was avoid them like the plague. And l did.

If you cannot make the given time of the appointment they should re appoint.

Manyofhorror3 Wed 15-May-13 14:39:04

You don't sound pathetic, I think it's very rude and unnecessary. Just delay it a month and make another apt.

Sirzy Wed 15-May-13 14:39:37

Clinics are limited to the times and babies often sleep at similar times so they could end up with blocks of unused times. This is why it is best to have a flexible routine.

The hv was rude but you overreacted!

curryeater Wed 15-May-13 14:43:55

You can't just write to people and inform them that they must be available to you at a certain time. Unless it is a summons.
I don't think you should miss the check, ultimately it is supposed to benefit the baby, but I don't think you should have a day from hell with a sleepless child either. There is no need. Phone back, ask for a rearranged appointment, and don't say why. Just say things like "no, sorry, can you do earlier? If not, is there another day?"

I know a nap might seem a small thing in a scheme of things, but I think the OP sounds like someone who needs a bit of a hand right now (crying because of rudeness) and doesn't need the baby's sleep disrupted for no reason.

happyhorse Wed 15-May-13 14:45:11

What's precious about enquiring if it's possible to change the time? OP, if you have any concerns about your daughter then take her along. If you have no concerns then phone back and cancel and enjoy a bit of peace while your daughter naps. There was no excuse for the HV to be rude to you.

Fluffypinkcoat Wed 15-May-13 14:47:00

I think you were being a bit precious about the nap but th HV should have been professional enough not to let that affect her response and shouldn't have been abrupt with you. Its horrible when you speak to someone nicely and politely and they respond in a snotty or sarcastic way so I'm with you on that.

sarahtigh Wed 15-May-13 14:47:40

next time you need to change any appointment do not give a reason for change of time just say "thank you for sending appointment for babyname on tuesday at 12pm unfortunately we can't make that appointment can we have another,"

so if they then offer same time different week you say is 12pm the only appointment available, if they yes we only do these on tuesday between 11-12.30 you suck it up however they may say well it is tueday morning or wednesday afternoons, or they may say it is always 12pm as they come after the morning clinics and before lunch

generally do not ever give reasons just say "i'm sorry I can't make that"

I learnt this when trying to arrange evening meetings at work most women say i can't so thursday as billy has scouts and then jenny does dancing while most men just say thursday night is not suitable for me no explanation it could be favourite TV could be really important but do not give someome the opportunity to decide whether your reason is valid

they would not have known that 12pm was unsuitable then because you were working or whatever, you gave them a reason which they thought was invalid so they were not flexible

NeedlesCuties Wed 15-May-13 14:47:48

I'm assuming this is your PFB. I was a lot like that regarding my PFB's nap times and planned everything around them. Now with DC2 I realise life can't flow that way and other things happen which naps have to fit around.

I agree with previous posters who said to put her to bed then wake her up if you need to. It might even be possible for you to take her to be weighed in the clinic another day.

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