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To be relieved I'm not pregnant?

(4 Posts)
DaveDeeDozyBeakyMickAndTitch Tue 14-May-13 11:59:20

Took a pregnancy test today, I'm not preggers. Long story, so here's a short version: DH impotent for five years, but has been "sorted" for a month or so. Then I discovered my Mirena was out of date (by about a year!) and it can't be sorted till next month. Cue blind panic for a few weeks.

However, I'm in my early 40's. And I realised that if I was pregnant as a result of Mirena-failure and the unexpected resumption of ... er ... conjugals, then this would probably have been my last chance to conceive. But no, I'm still relieved. Unreasonable?

I do daydream of having children, sometimes, and I've gone through periods of being as broody as hell, but ... oh, I dunno, I think I'm lacking in something.

Peevish Tue 14-May-13 12:07:07

You're not lacking at all. Having a child isn't compulsory, and even people who have been trying for ages to conceive sometimes have very mixed feelings when they get a positive test. You are in an unusual position in that having a child wasn't possible for years, so you didn't have to consider it (assuming you didn't feel strongly enough to go he IVF route), but suddenly that changed, and there was the possibility of a wholly unintended pregnancy, which must have been very strange and potentially frightening. Of course YANBU to be relieved, if you don't want a child.

aldiwhore Tue 14-May-13 12:21:19


I remember finding out I WAS pregnant, unplanned but wanted in a daydream kind of way and I shit myself. I was absolutely terrified, of what it would do to my insides (I know, silly) but mostly because I was certain I would be a terrible mother who didn't love enough. In my case, it turned out I was good enough, good enough to have another!

YANBU to feel like you're missing something required to make you a natural mother, I am pretty sure a LOT of women (mothers or not) feel that way. YANBU to feel relieved. I remember feeling relief every month (I've always been paranoid about pregnancy, so if I have a stomach bug or slight cold, the first thing I do is a pregnancy test - again, silly) and that relief is valid, whether you want children or not, whether you're a spring chicken or an old goose (apologies if you fall into the latter category!).

If you WERE pregnant, how do you think you'd feel? I know I didn't feel joy at impending motherhood, like I say, I was very scared.

No, YANBU at all.

BUT I am glad for you that you had to take a test in the first place as it says to me that normal service has been resumed, so I'm happy for you and your DH.

DaveDeeDozyBeakyMickAndTitch Tue 14-May-13 12:56:51

Thanks, guys. I think if I had been pregnant, it would have been terrifying, frankly! Certainly not an entirely joyous occasion, but we'd have coped, I'm sure.

And Aldi, I'm happy too ;) It was a long road back, and there were a lot of tears along the way, but it's good now.

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