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to admit I find days like today hard

(191 Posts)
ilikehomecookedfood Sun 12-May-13 19:58:00

Wet, miserable Sunday (following on from a wet miserable Saturday) I have not spoken with a soul all weekend blush I find I reach this point on a Sunday and I feel strange and empty and really, really sad.

I know I'm not being unreasonable - but am I the only one?

nitrox Sun 12-May-13 21:35:38

I'm in East Yorkshire, near Goole..

I could do with a fitness buddy lol, anything to get me fighting the flab and back to the person I was before starting Uni and losing my will to live grin

leobear Sun 12-May-13 21:37:36

That was me, I swear!! I was incredibly unlucky in love, and all my friends had paired off. Used to spend every weekend alone, with a horrible anxious feeling, a lot of the time. I had resigned myself to never meeting anyone, had written off any chance of that. I met DH completely out of the blue. That may not be what you want, but please don't believe things can't change.

LaurieFairyCake Sun 12-May-13 21:37:41

Yes nitrox I think that feeling of moving through the universe alone feels very strange sometimes.

Dilidali Sun 12-May-13 21:39:20

You're not alone in that! Sundays are hard on your own.
I have a family, but I needed to 'train' them in getting together. For a while I was the loon that showed up uninvited for coffee. Then after a while they sort of grew accustomed and now Sunday is lunch at one of us. If no get together, at least a phonecall. DH still thinks I am completely crazy for doing it, his family thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread.
They didn't use to have regular contact and DH used to suffer badly with Monday blues that started Sunday mornings. Now things are better.

Could you start planning and inviting them for tea and cake on Sunday afternoon? I know it would not bother me at all to have friends around as well as family members.

ImperialBlether Sun 12-May-13 21:42:22

Oh, OP, I really identified with this, "I sort of feel like I'm not quite 'real' by this time on a Sunday."

I live on my own most of the time and have gone full weekends without talking to anyone. Sometimes I know that's my fault, in that I could have arranged to meet someone but the thought of it just becomes overwhelming (even though I know I'd feel better as a result.)

nitrox Sun 12-May-13 21:43:09

Like floating in space grin Laurie

I'm happy enough in my relationship, but I'm fiercely independant and tend to have to lead the relationship. Not because I'm a bossy cow or anything, I'm very laid back and relaxed, but because the BF always lacks initiative I suppose.

This tends to make me feel lonely though, misunderstood? I don't know, I'm a bit of a thinker and like others have said, left alone with my thoughts for too long can get a little confusing lol.

nitrox Sun 12-May-13 21:46:08

ImperialBlether I'm the same, I used to have lots of friends wanting to meet up all the time, but I tend to get a little anxious about meeting up for some reason... I'm fine in social situations but I just don't want to go out sometimes, then wonder why I'm bored and lonely. hmm

ilikehomecookedfood Sun 12-May-13 21:48:20

I know Goole, although I live nowhere near there unfortunately! I used to use the M62 between Manchester and Hull a few times grin

The problem with thinking things can change, is you end up setting yourself up for disappointment a lot of the time. It is better to try and carve out a life you want, I find. That doesn't mean there aren't difficult parts to it though, just as there are very difficult parts to being married, I am sure.

NannyPlumIsMyMum Sun 12-May-13 21:49:41

You are not alone.

I solo parent a lot at weekends.

I found yesterday and today very difficult with the incessant rain.

We have a small house which doesn't help and weekends like this frazzle me .... Then I have to start my working week tomorrow and wait for more of the same nxt weekend .

nitrox Sun 12-May-13 21:52:57

The lovely M62, bet that was a pleasure smile

Are you burying emotions?

I think I do, especially about being overweight (size 20), I feel so disappointed and angry at myself, and I think that's what causes me to feel odd. I feel like I'm not me, this isn't my life lol... God I sound dramatic! But honestly, I feel like I'm in the wrong body! I should have a surfer girls body, because that's how my brain is, sporty, adventurous and daring..!

Prob just Sunday blues though, maybe you deep down wish your weekend had been different, a partner, kids etc...

JessicaBeatriceFletcher Sun 12-May-13 21:54:58

I totally understand. I often see no one on Sundays and hate them. As you say, OP, it's very much a family time and even if you have plenty of friends, as I have, if they are all coupled and/or with kids, you just don't see them.

I'm not sure what the answer is, because you can be out and doing things and keeping busy, but they don't necessarily give you the interaction with people.

ilikehomecookedfood Sun 12-May-13 21:59:06

There isn't an answer, to be honest - it's enough to know people understand and be able to have a bit of a moan about it! It is difficult because although people have the best of intentions, the first couple of pages of posts show that they do like to give you solutions, and there aren't always solutions.

nitrox - not sure what you mean by burying emotions to be honest? I've been pretty honest about how I feel.

leobear Sun 12-May-13 21:59:53

Also, don't assume that married people/families don't want to see single people at weekends. We often invite our single friends over for Sunday lunch, picnics in summer etc. the irony is, I always think its a really boring offer, and they'll have far more exciting and glamorous things to do!! But I love it when we have an extra adult around - change of dynamic, interesting for the children, want to keep in touch properly.

mumofthemonsters808 Sun 12-May-13 22:04:36

You are not alone, thousands of people are in your situation.Your post brought a tear to my eye because my late Mum and Auntie used to say their isolation at weekends (especially bank holidays) was hard to bare.

Four walls can so very easily become your prison if you do not adapt your lifestyle. I know it's easier said than done but sometimes a small step can achieve amazing results. A lot of social clubs (ramblers, drama groups) meet on Sundays why not check out via the library what your town has to offer. Also I can not over emphasize the social circle that having a dog has brought me, I have a cracking bunch of friends who I have met through my dog. Another option is to volunteer at say an animal rescue or charity shop. Of course the church is active on a Sunday but I know this is not for everyone.Only you can decide what suits your personality.

You sound like a lovely person who has so much to offer and you have a right to be happy. Loneliness can be eradicated it just takes some perseverance and opening your mind to the opportunities which are there for your taking. Take Care

nitrox Sun 12-May-13 22:04:43

Sorry, sounded a bit odd, I mean burying emotions to yourself, putting a brave face on things? It's just something I do, and I realise where my anxiety comes from even if I'm fine during the week, it's like the emotions I bury in the week surface when I'm bored/lonely or have too much thinking time. Just wondered if you were the same..

My sister is incredibly outgoing, great job, loads of friends etc and just recently started feeling the same as this, and said she thought it was because she wanted to settle down and was getting broody. She has no luck with men, no idea why, she's great! She lives in Oz too, so definately nothing to do with lack of good weather.

Snazzynewyear Sun 12-May-13 22:04:54

I've just started posting a solution so have now deleted... take your point that people want to 'fix' these things. I do know what you mean.

I think you need a 'vegging out' routine for these Sundays and then maybe look for someone (friend, different one each time) to invite round to share that? (Sorry, decided to just post the cut-down version in the end...)

ilikehomecookedfood Sun 12-May-13 22:08:58

Lol Snazzy, sorry! I didn't mean for you to feel you couldn't post a solution, as such, I think the problem is there are such negative connotations associated with loneliness, that the mere word conjures up images of a sullen, isolated individual when often the truth is I think many people who are lonely are like me - have a full time job and friends, but lack family and are at an age where many friends aren't 'easy' to pin down, or at least this is what I have found.

Mumof - thanks, but I do in fact have quite a varied social circle, but what they have in common is that they are all part of a couple and like to spend their 'free' time with their husbands, partners and children, massively reducing the time I can spent with them. it isn't a problem exactly, I understand it, but it does make my life a bit difficult in some ways and when weekends just crawl by in a haze of sitting, reading, TV watching, bed, do the same again, by this time on a sunday you can feel a bit strange, to say the least.

ImperialBlether Sun 12-May-13 22:09:54

Snazzynewyear, not being funny, but the chance of a married friend coming around to veg out on a Sunday is absolutely nil.

Imscarlet Sun 12-May-13 22:10:04

You could volunteer at weekends. Loads of different organisations would be only glad to have you and you would have an element of social company.

Otherwise, how about going back to college to do something totally different. You could look into night courses or Open University. You would meet a whole load of people you wouldn't otherwise encounter and would suddenly find you weekends becoming very busy when studying.

My mum went through something similar when she took early retirement and googled activities that retired people could take up. I nearly have to make an appointment to see her now, she has so much going on.

LaurieFairyCake Sun 12-May-13 22:11:23

Can I offer a {{{{{ hug }}}}} instead? grin


ImperialBlether Sun 12-May-13 22:12:33

The thing is, the OP probably doesn't want to volunteer - she just wants a friend. It's like when someone says they'll be lonely at Christmas on their own and people say 'Go to a homeless shelter and serve food' - well, yes, some might want to do that, but if what you're really yearning for is a family and some friends, it doesn't quite hit the spot, does it?

ilikehomecookedfood Sun 12-May-13 22:12:40

Imscarlet, the problem is no matter what you always go back to an empty house. You're suggesting activities, I can do those, that isn't a problem, but life can just be lonely when you live on your own.

nitrox Sun 12-May-13 22:12:53

Maybe you need to drink more grin wine

ilikehomecookedfood Sun 12-May-13 22:12:59

imperial - exactly!

Olderkidsaremine Sun 12-May-13 22:13:05

You could all be talking about me - when the kids were small I didn't want to impose all of us on friends who didn't have any and now mine are all grown I don't want to impose me on their family time! Went see my nephew for his birthday today and saw the other families there and felt so bad that I couldn't give mine the 'happy families' experience, have no other half and it seems petty to complain about being sad and alone.

Told my mum for the first time today that when I went on holiday by myself about 6 years ago I cried the whole first night because I felt so alone! She probably will think it was because I was away but I feel that way quite regularly at home too

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