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AIBU to think if your Daughter was grieving you would ring her?

(88 Posts)
puzzled365 Sun 12-May-13 18:41:20

I have name changed because the topic may out me in RL!
If your Daughter's Husband died recently and she was alone with small children, would you ring every day to check they were OK?
Just genuinely wonder if that's the way to go or to let them ask for help?

usualsuspect Sun 12-May-13 18:55:37

I would be by her side, for as long as she needed me.

thebody Sun 12-May-13 18:55:48

Oh my god, I would be with my child and I would stay until they wanted me to leave.

So so sorry xx

noddyholder Sun 12-May-13 18:56:24

I would with my ds as long and as often as he needed no matter what. My mum wouldn't.

puzzled365 Sun 12-May-13 18:56:37

Thank you for the replies. I'm struggling to cope and my parents have not called me for 4 days other than to tell me I'm being cruel to my dog for leaving him in kennels while I get house sorted etc. I'm on my knees but just wondered if I was expecting too much?

MunchkinsMumof2 Sun 12-May-13 18:58:29

Where are you Puzzled? If I'm near I can help you x

thebody Sun 12-May-13 18:58:35

This sounds just awful op.

ApocalypseThen Sun 12-May-13 18:59:22

I'd want my mam. I can't imagine dealing with something like that without her. Even if it seemed like I didn't, I'd want her above all people.

McNewPants2013 Sun 12-May-13 19:01:59

I am sorry for your loss, if it was my DC I would be there.

It is not cruel to leave your dog in the kennels, so don't start dwelling on that.

thebody Sun 12-May-13 19:02:16

Have you siblings? Good friends? Fantastic support on the bereavement section op. can't believe your parents are like this.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 12-May-13 19:03:00

Holy crap. You're grieving the loss of your husband and all your parents can do is phone you up to bitch about the DOG?

I think you should tell them to go get stuffed.

lougle Sun 12-May-13 19:03:22

Oh Puzzled. You are not expecting too much. Can you post your rough location - I'm sure one of us might be near by smile

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sun 12-May-13 19:05:41

Oh OP sad I'm so sorry for you loss.

Whereabouts are you?

Molehillmountain Sun 12-May-13 19:07:14

Not expecting too much at all. There's just a chance that, if you remove the nonsense about the dog, who will be just fine in kennels, btw, they might be thinking you want space or waiting for you to take the lead. Still wrong, but better intentioned wrong.

WafflyVersatile Sun 12-May-13 19:09:16

So sorry for your loss and lack of support. How supportive are they normally? Are they normally hands off? Maybe they feel they would be intrusive or just feel they would be useless? Have you asked for support?

Did they phone up especially to tell you you were being cruel to the dog (you're not by the way) or just thoughtlessly express sympathy for the dog at a time that you just don't need that and feel so fragile already?

Do you have others you can lean on just now?

lurkedtoolong Sun 12-May-13 19:09:28

Oh I'm so sorry Puzzled. If you are anywhere near me and there's anything I can do to help I will, please post a rough area.

Are your parents normally so useless? Is it possible they are just at a complete loss and have no idea what to do?

ExcuseTypos Sun 12-May-13 19:11:40

Oh you poor thingsad. Of course your parents should be helping you. I would be honest and tell them you need help.

Also, do you have any friends nearby who would help?

youarewinning Sun 12-May-13 19:15:36

Oh puzzled I'm sorry for your loss sad

I'd jut be blunt and tell them you need them right now - there with you. Like lurked said it may be they have no idea what to do.

Arion Sun 12-May-13 19:16:06

I'm Derby, if I can help, let me know.

MiaowTheCat Sun 12-May-13 19:19:34

Sadly I know my mother wouldn't. She'd roll in at the end and criticise how I dealt with everything though.

Most compassionate mothers would - but there are those out there who aren't... sorry you've got one of those puzzled. I don't know if your mum's like mine in how she'd respond to a straightforward "I need help" - is that worth trying?

If you post your rough location there are people on here who want to rally round for you.

ClaraOswald Sun 12-May-13 19:19:54

Where are you located?

puzzled365 Sun 12-May-13 19:20:29

Again, thank you. My mother does blow hot and cold but I am saddened by their lack of concern for the DCs if not for me.
I have a couple of really good friends in RL who do ring me each day and who I see on school run etc, but they have families etc so I don't feel I can ring up randomly.
I think my OP was just a way of asking whether I was being a needy "child" or if its normal to expect to not have to ask for help, iykwim.

thegreylady Sun 12-May-13 19:20:59

I would ring at least once a day but I would be with her if she would let me-for as long as she needed me.

foslady Sun 12-May-13 19:21:20

What county Puzzled? I'm N Lincs if that's any good, or if there's any general help we can give, please just ask, you have enough on

PS - the dog'll be fine - best place for it at the moment

wonderstuff Sun 12-May-13 19:22:15

Sorry for your loss. I'd want to be there if at all possible if it was my dd. my mum constantly worries about interfering to much and would never call me everyday I don't think, but shed be happy for me to call or go stay with her.

everlong Sun 12-May-13 19:23:17

God I'm sorry OP.

Sometimes people just make me speechless. I don't get it.

Some of the things they say or do or don't do in tImes of someone's grief are unbelievable.

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