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to be peed off?

(12 Posts)
kneesofnorks Sun 12-May-13 14:07:27

It's a wedding one - sorry!

to set the scene i am absolutely not a bridezilla, I seem to have a groomzilla instead!

we are getting married on the south coast (we live up north) as its where he went to university, his first time my second so ive let him dictate a lot of the choices, its a small do, town hall and a meal in a restaurant after, about 20ish guests..

my only guests are my children (18,10,10) myparents, one couple and thier teenage daughters who are my closest friends and another friend and her dp. all other guests are invited by him, im happy with that, most of my friends are back in scotland where i grew up and its just too far for people to travel, and since i lost my brother in december my parents are my only other family really.

He arranged for a friend of his to do the invitations, its now 2 months till the wedding and theres no sign of them - she has told him she sent them recorded earlier this week, and is tracking them prior to that she said she was posting them last week, and before that the week before (im sure you get the idea) - now i know that you cant track recorded and if she had genuinely sent them special delivery which you can track then unless posted yesterday we would have them by now. Im really worried that we wont get them but DF is adament theres no issue - hes too trusting of people at the best of times!

ive also just discovered today he has offered to pay for another friend of his' hotel room, now we are on a relatively low income, hes potentially being made redundant on the day before the wedding so its an extra expense we could do without - he insists that he offered because 'thats the type of person he is' and my feeling is its surely not our responsibilty to subsudise other people - especially not someone who's single and lives with parents so probably has more disposible income than us! It feels like what he says goes and im not getting a say in it.

to cap things off, we had booked somewhere to stay, his bank stopped the cheque - he thinks he might have used the wrong chequebook as he had reported one lost in the past??!! and the woman we were renting from thought that meant we had changed our mind so has relet it - so we have nowhere to stay - well he does on the night before the wedding as hes staying with his friend - the kids and i have nowhere, and as we were renting a caravan which would have had room for us all we'll now need 3 hotel rooms, a family room for us and the 2 youngest, one for the 18 yr old and now we have to pay for his flaming friend! i found a relatively cheapish hotel but hes insisting he'll sort it - which probably means by the time he gets round to it the rooms will be gone or go up in price...

I just feel like its all out of my control and i dont like it, i just want to know things are trundling along ok and evidently theyre not, any time i've tried to tackle it with him he gets defensive, and raises his voice then denies shouting at me....

Tryharder Sun 12-May-13 14:14:14

I would absolutely not get involved. Refuse to discuss it even. Let him sort it out. YANBU by the way.

You do realise that your whole life with this man is going to be similar?

squeakytoy Sun 12-May-13 14:29:25

I would be on the next coach back to scotland, without him...

phantomnamechanger Sun 12-May-13 15:52:10

if you can't even sort this out amicably, sensibly, civilly between you, there's not much hope of a happy ever after hmm

OxfordBags Sun 12-May-13 15:56:34

This not a man ready to be in a serious relationship. This behaviour is a screenshotnof what your whole lofe will be like together; a nightmare of bullshit, bluster, untrustworthiness, lies, putting himself and friends before you and your kids, money issues, stress, bullying reactions... And that's before we even touch on the disastrous effects living with such a man would have on your younger Dc.

coppertop Sun 12-May-13 16:06:30

If you can't discuss the wedding issues without him shouting, you will never be able to discuss marriage problems.

Are you sure his bank stopped the cheque? With a history of spending beyond his means, I'd say it was far more likely that he did this himself.

SilvercloudRainbow Sun 12-May-13 16:53:56

Agree with others. This is a wake up call. Don't marry him.

LittleMissLucy Sun 12-May-13 16:56:12

None of it bodes well, does it?
Can't you carry on as you are, without getting married - ? Easier to get out of, if you have to a little further down the line.

pinkr Sun 12-May-13 18:52:10

Dh has never shouted at me...I wouldn't be marrying this one love, you deserve someone better!

Bobyan Sun 12-May-13 18:54:18

Run, run like the wind and never look back.

pinkyredrose Sun 12-May-13 19:20:55

This is what your life will be like if you marry this man.

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