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AIBU to not allow my child to go to a football parade on a week night during SATs week?

(475 Posts)
TheDetective Sat 11-May-13 19:28:10

I'm being called all the names under the sun by my ex, and DS1 is sulking and barely speaking to me.

I just found out tonight that Ex DP is planning to take DS1 to watch the Man United parade on Monday night. It is 6-7.30pm, and is 25 miles from home.

Any other school night I'd be fine with this. But not during SATs week, which it is next week.

I've said he can't go. He's worked hard for these exams, his sets for high school depend on the outcome of them. I just want to do what is best for DS.

I've rang my mum, his headteacher, to ask her opinion in case I am being unreasonable. She is furious that ex thinks this is even a good idea.

This is his dads reply by text 'you too are pathetic when he rebels against you youve only yourself to blame'. And 'Like I said pathetic'. Followed by 'just wait promise you he will rebel he already can't wait to get out of mums school I will laugh my ass off'. Those are his exact words by the way, not my typos.

I want my son to do well. I hope I am not being unreasonable.

It's not like utd don't have a fucking parade every season is it??

Blueskiesandbuttercups Tue 14-May-13 06:57:54

Well said Dangly

I often put a dilemma out there to get it off my chest and work through. It isn't a given I'll go with advice given. Sometimes you just want to be aware of alternative points of views to understand them more.

I think it's pretty weak to go against something you think is right just because MN told you to.

We don't know said child,said dad or said school.Op may well have spoken to hoards of friends who do and who agreed with her.

I think some posters get a little carried away with the role of MN and put far to much stock by it.<whispers> It isn't RL.

Op glad it all got sorted.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Tue 14-May-13 07:11:07

Your ex said nasty things (good to know it's water off a ducks back btw)

BUT I have to reluctantly agree there's a grain of truth there. You admit you're controlling. Is your stranglehold going to get tighter in Secondary? Because the problem is the only way he'll do well in school is if he gets have a 'regular' life.

Oh and trust me... No matter how much of a high achiever he is, and even if his dream is to be a doctor/scientist/lawyer... When he's fifteen and their is a girl involved with interrupting his studies, you have no chance of winning. grin Fond memories of my cousin's teen defiance

AmberLeaf Tue 14-May-13 07:58:19

What a shame, obviously I agree with the majority here that you should have let him go, that this is more about you dictating to your ex and being controlling.

Puzzled at why you don't seem to think your ex working shifts meaning he cant agree a set day for contact is reasonable? if he has to work shifts what do you expect?

Finally... SATs are not exams the amount of people I have seen write stupid facebook statuses this week saying 'good luck xxxx in your exams this week' yes, they are talking about bloody SATs!

My 16 yr old has his first exam this week...a real exam that has real importance for his future, not something that measures what his school is doing.

diddl Tue 14-May-13 08:09:01

Good for you, OP.

SATs aside-a football parade on a school night-not important enough imo.

PatPig Tue 14-May-13 10:10:31

it wasn't a football parade, it was the parade to mark the retirement of the most successful manager in history after his 13th title, more than any other manager in any country in the world, ever.

seeker Tue 14-May-13 10:15:30

It was a one off! Even I know that!

Blueskiesandbuttercups Tue 14-May-13 10:16:51

Ah well.

My dc missed the Olympics in it's entirety,even the cycling as it went past their gps town- they survived. smile

Grammaticus Tue 14-May-13 10:35:40

Good lord people, united are always having bloody parades. If this boy were really bothered, he'd have been to plenty by now. And not in SATs week.

hamdangle Tue 14-May-13 10:46:37

Such a shame! Especially when someone pointed out that the exam today is the new grammar exam so only being used to set standards for next year so no impact on the school and OP won't even find out what her son's score was. OP's mother will have known this too. Completely pointless!

OP, if you don't relax a little it will only get harder as your DS gets older. I had cousins who werent allowed to do anything at all for weeks before any exams. They got exactly the same grades as my sister and I did but we were trusted to make our own decisions about when and how much we revised. DS1 has his History A level today. I have had no input into his revision and placed no restrictions on him and I'm a teacher. He did five hours yesterday and spent most of the weekend revising, missing out on a party through his own choice. If you don't give them a bit of freedom they will soon come to resent school. They will have enough pressure later on so why put it on him now when it really truly doesn't matter?

valiumredhead Tue 14-May-13 10:48:09

Ds was told his SATS scores last year, have things changed this year then?

hamdangle Tue 14-May-13 10:55:11

You get the SATs score for the other tests just not the new grammar teat being sat today because it's a trial. It also won't be used to look at the school's standards because obviously it hasn't been sat before.

diddl Tue 14-May-13 11:12:19

Ooh, sorry, a one off football parade.

Sometimes kids/adults miss history in the making stuff due to school/work/can't get there/inconvenient time...

LadyBeagleEyes Tue 14-May-13 11:18:24

I'm sure Op is sitting now quietly smug in the knowledge that she got one over on her ex.
The parade made headlines in the news yesterday, the atmosphere looked wonderful.
And I say that as someone that hates football with a passion.

PatPig Tue 14-May-13 12:05:33

And sometimes kids/adults miss something because of petty point-scoring by adults behaving like children.

Blueskiesandbuttercups Tue 14-May-13 12:31:22

He'll live.

diddl Tue 14-May-13 12:40:57

But he was at his Dad's-so what was to stop the Dad taking him if they both really wanted to go?

PatPig Tue 14-May-13 12:57:09

passive-aggressive threats from the OP most likely. Otherwise why wouldn't have just gone?

Blueskiesandbuttercups Tue 14-May-13 13:02:29

Maybe dad after thinking about it agreed with the op.My dp wouldn't have dreamt of taking any of mine out the night before exam/ test week.

Also many may say Sats aren't important however one never knows exactly how assessments are used.I for one want my dc to do their absolute best in any test they sit incase it comes back to bite them on the bum at a later date.

It is good practise to get into at the very least.

diddl Tue 14-May-13 13:06:40

"passive-aggressive threats from the OP most likely."hmm

" Otherwise why wouldn't have just gone?"-because he wasn't really bothered, not bothered enough when it meant taking his son as well?

Goldmandra Tue 14-May-13 13:08:29

Maybe he just suggested it as a wind up because he knew the OP would say no.

MarthasHarbour Tue 14-May-13 14:13:55

I walked to the tram from work through Manchester during the build up of all the celebrations and parade last night. All i could think of was OP's poor son missing out on it all sad

OK you stuck to your guns and didnt back down, fair enough, there is a lot to be said for that. But i do think that PatPig's comment was spot on:

''And sometimes kids/adults miss something because of petty point-scoring by adults behaving like children.''

diddl Tue 14-May-13 14:30:54

But in this case-who's the point scorer-the adult who didn't want the child to go, or the one who could have taken him & didn't & will blame it on the other??

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Tue 14-May-13 14:34:33

Father picked something he knew mother would disagree too and would get son on side. Mum said no, and used 'but I have to do what's best for you' on him.

Basically, this poor kid is a pawn to hurt/piss each other off. sad

PatPig Tue 14-May-13 14:41:45

Yeah you have a point diddl, but we don't know whether the OP threatens to withhold access or whatever. It's clear that she has a stock of 'poor parenting decisions from months ago' that she likes to use against her ex.

It's possible the ex did this to score points against the OP, and vice versa, or both at the same time even.

Shitty situation.

Blueskiesandbuttercups Tue 14-May-13 15:01:37

I think you're surmising an awful lot out of somebody you don't know simply wanting their son in bed at a good time pre test week.

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