Cheeky SIL?

[ShadeofViolet]

SIL gave DD a present a couple of years ago which she has now grown out of. She is careful with her stuff so it still looks newish.

We cleared out DD's room and I have cleared out some stuff to give to our preschool. SIL has popped in and wants to take the presnt back so she can give it to her god daughter as a present. When I told her what I planned on doing with it, she said 'but I gave it to DD so I want to be able to give in to A (god daughter)'

AIBU to think that if you give someone a present you cant demand it back when you are finished.

[rubyslippers]

that is ridiculous of your SIL!

a present is given with no expectations and certainly not 2 years down the line

[MissTapestry]

If you're getting rid of it anyway does it really matter who gets it?

[WorraLiberty]

She isn't 'demanding' it.

Maybe she just doesn't understand why you'd choose to give it to a pre-school when a member of your family actually wants it?

It would be a no brainer for me unless the pre-school has specifically asked you for it too.

[ShadeofViolet]

Because I want to give it to the preschool who are depserate for some new toys.

[MissTapestry]

Also, what is it?

[ShadeofViolet]

She will 'speak to DH when he gets home from work' apparently.

[ShadeofViolet]

Its a Happy land cottage. I am getting rid of quite a bit of her happy land stuff - the school, the hospital, the castle and the two cottages she has.

[rubyslippers]

i couldnt event remeber what i gave my DN 2 years ago

[SgtTJCalhoun]

I'd give it her. She's a family member. Honestly can't see why you wouldn't, if you don't need it anymore.

[Hummuschocolate]

She would be being unreasonable to demand it back especially if you still needed it. But as you're getting rid of it anyway I don't think it really matters

[MissTapestry]

Honestly, just let her have it, it's such a non issue imho.

[Iamsparklyknickers]

Depends what it is I think.

If it's some beautiful one-off or limited rocking horse or wooden crafted thingymy that gets sentimental attachement very easily then I might see your SIL's point about wanting to see children she knows well enjoying it (although asking is still cheeky).


If it's some mass manfactured piece of plastic then she's been UR and will just have to buy another one.

[phantomnamechanger]

she's being very rude - it's yours to do as you wish with - she should not expect to get it back to pass on as a gift to someone else!

[WorraLiberty]

She was nice enough to buy it in the first place for your DD to enjoy

Why can't you be nice enough to give it to her instead of a pre school?

[HamletsSister]

Sell it on eBay! No argument with that. Then your daughter can have the money to buy other toys with.

[PregnantPain]

YANBU that isn't how a present works.

[thebody]

Well she's a bit wierd to 'demand' it and you are a bit unreasonable to not give it to family but to ore school.

Do your both unreasonable I think.

Let your dd decide as it's her toy actually.

[Bowlersarm]

It is cheeky of her. But I would keep family peace and let her have it.

[Tipseyturvey]

I think she is being a bit cheeky but for the sake of an easy life I'd just give it to her, then if there's a next time you'll know not to tell her in advance what you plan to do with her old gifts.

[ShadeofViolet]

If she wanted it for one of her children I would give it to her happily.

But I feel like if I give it to a struggling preschool, 30 children will get enjoyment out of it (including my own DD who will probably want to play with it again if her friends are).

[WorraLiberty]

I don't think it's cheeky at all considering she's family.

If I were in the SIL's position I'd probably say, "Oh you're getting rid of it? Can I give it to my god daughter then because she'd love it".

Unless the OP has a drip feed she's about to unleash that's the size of a tsunami, I can't see why she'd choose the school over family.

[UniqueAndAmazing]

she chose the preschool because they are desperate for toys!

why does there have to be a better reason? i think that's a great thing to do.

and your SIL is BU.

[SkinnybitchWannabe]

YANBU. Give it to the school, it sounds like they need it more.
If your dc hadn't looked after it and you threw it away would she ask for the money back?!
She gave it to your dc so it's nothing to do with her anymore. Maybe she should have written on the tag that is was on loan not a present.
I'd do the same as you.

[Iamsparklyknickers]

Happyland?

Then she's definitely UR and cheeky. It's hardly a heirloom. Fair enough they don't come cheap and it was very generous of her but tough. She can easily buy another if she wants her god-daughter to have one that badly.

Saying that (and picking splinters out of my arse) I'd probably just let her have it with a raised eyebrow rather than tell her directly she's a rudebod.

[MrTumblesBavarianFanbase]

YANBU - it was a present not a loan! Has nobody else read the comment about going (implied "over the little wife's head") to OP's husband to get OP's answer overruled!