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to give a box of maltesers as a birthday present for a 9yo?

(74 Posts)
TwoFourSixOhOne Sat 11-May-13 10:12:07

DD has a party today at 12. We had planned to go into town to get a present this morning, but she has spent the last two hours in a meltdown, horrible awful screeching and spitting and swearing.

We know it's because she is wound up about the party, it's not a particualr friend of hers but it is someone she looks up to, it's a cool disco party and she's spoken of nothing else for weeks. I'm not going to stop her going to the party, before anyone says that, she is being assessed for a demand avoidance disorder and there is a direct correlation between her excitement and her meltdown.

However, I'm not prepared to rush around now and buy a gift, I've told her she can go to the shop over the road and buy a box of maltesers or similar and wrap those up.

We've had similar gifts at parties (often with a 'sorry, it was last minute' apology) but I am v laid back about presents, I know some people aren't. Woudl you be pissed off or judgy if your DD got a present like that? I dont' know this family at all.


(and yes, I know I should have a box of ready to wrap presents or got something weeks ago but we are just not that organised, sorry)

TwoFourSixOhOne Sat 11-May-13 10:33:44

Thanks Wilson, I have posted there before (serial namechanger) and received some fantastic advice.


Sparklingbrook Sat 11-May-13 10:33:53

Well yes because loads of 12 year olds can be willful and defiant in the extreme, so to think there will be a diagnosis must be reassuring.

Has an outfit been chosen for the party?

TwoFourSixOhOne Sat 11-May-13 10:33:56

<bosomy squish>


greenfolder Sat 11-May-13 10:34:38

box of matesers and a fiver is a great gift

hope dd enjoys the party

Sparklingbrook Sat 11-May-13 10:34:51


berryfreeze Sat 11-May-13 10:34:58

Maltesers something she can open, five pounds she can buy something she likes, perfect present, hope you dd has a lobelt time.

TwoFourSixOhOne Sat 11-May-13 10:35:07

Oh the outfit.


She's in the bath at the moment. Outfit to follow. All I know is it will be in-ter-esting...

She likes layers. And colours. And wing dings and flowers in her hair. She'll look fab.

TwoFourSixOhOne Sat 11-May-13 10:35:38

Thanks all, you've reassured me. DH made a hmm face when I suggested it so I wobbled.

berryfreeze Sat 11-May-13 10:36:12

Lovely time!!

Sparklingbrook Sat 11-May-13 10:36:40

What time is the party? Has the preparation started early?

I only have boys so no experience of what girls need to get ready for a party.

complexnumber Sat 11-May-13 10:37:38

I am 52, I would love a box of maltesers and a fiver.

TheWoollybacksWife Sat 11-May-13 10:40:49

Maltesers and a fiver in a card is my DDs standard gift and she is 14. All her friends expect it and look forward to it - in fact she bought something different for a friend recently and she was disappointed she didn't get the Maltesers!

I hope she has a lovely time.

Astley Sat 11-May-13 10:41:21

I would definetly put money in a card too.

Acandlelitshadow Sat 11-May-13 10:48:29

Maltesers and a fiver is absolutely fine. Large bar of Dairy Milk and a fiver were the default for years in this house. Always went down well in fact I'd be delighted with that even now grin

I hope your dd calms down soon and enjoys the party smile

Moominsarehippos Sat 11-May-13 11:00:39

I have found vouchers a god-send (those ones for 'experiences' or suchline, that you can print out and shove in a card).

NorbertDentressangle Sat 11-May-13 11:03:04

DS is coming up to 9 and would be chuffed to bits with Maltesers and a fiver. Chocolate and money...what more could a 9 year old wish for!?

I hope she gets off to the party OK and has a great time and you have a well-earned breather!

quoteunquote Sat 11-May-13 11:08:16

My nine year old would love that as a present, £5 and maltesers (she doesn't have a sweet tooth, but love having sweets to hand out) so if she would like it, anyone would,

I'm glad she in the bath, it always helps, (they do get better at managing it) good luck.

Mumsyblouse Sat 11-May-13 11:15:35

I don't know what it is about Saturday mornings, my dds don't have PDA (it sounds incredibly stressful) but I often find it a trigger point for a meltdown- I think it's after a long week, they get up Sat needing to relax, and you are still on top of them trying to get them to classes, get dressed, get out (there was a thread on someone's dd having a paddy at swimming too). I much prefer Sundays!

kneedeepindaisies Sat 11-May-13 11:15:44

Chocolate and money is the perfect gift for anyone.

Can I ask if your DD has always behaved this way or if it has happened slowly over time?

My DS sounds similar to the information on the link above but it's only been in the last couple of years. Before that I just thought he couldn't follow instructions hmm

But the meltdown you described before parties, friends round, days out is very familiar and exhausting.

Maltesers would be fine - frankly, an edible present, that the parents won't have to find space for, is perfect and the parents may be able to snaffle a few for themselves not that I am advocating stealing childrens' chocolate, of course.

DeskPlanner Sat 11-May-13 11:38:01

YABU, for mentioned them in the first place, I really really want a box now. sad

grin But in all honesty, you are not being U, in the slightest. An entire box of chocolates would be my children's idea of the best gift ever.

TwoFourSixOhOne Sat 11-May-13 12:03:25

Kneedeep, she was a lovely baby, very placid toddler and then went batshit when she hit three.

We kept expecting her to grow out of it, but instead she was getting worse.

I went to the GP for help just after Christmas and she referred us to the paed, he's now referred us to CAMHS, everybody at every stage has said PDA. I'd never heard of it. As soon as we read up on it it was a massive lightbulb moment. Not just the outbursts, everything. She hates any kind of sarcasm or teasing, even the nice kind, lives in a fantasy world half the time, obsesses over her Best Friends/Boyfriends (who change weekly, often), is inappropriate with her emotions (goes from laughter to hysterical crying), has 'odd' rituals and speech, shuts down or melts down when she can't deal with expectations.

I can't begin to tell you how much better it's been since we've tried to approach her tantrums as panic attacks.

She's skipped off to her party now in a lovely mood, maltesers and money in card in hand.


taypottick Sat 11-May-13 12:07:57

tantrums as panic attacks I think you are on to something there. Hope she has a lovely time.

kneedeepindaisies Sat 11-May-13 12:09:54

Thanks for the reply. I'm glad she's gone happily to the partysmile

I'm going to do some reading up properly on this. DS was very placid until junior school so I'm probably barking up the wrong tree.

gordyslovesheep Sat 11-May-13 12:13:56

Maltesers are a great gift - mine would love that

Sounds like you have had a horrible morning - gentle squishes - I have 2 very challenging children and a 4 year old - I sympathise x

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