to give a box of maltesers as a birthday present for a 9yo?

[TwoFourSixOhOne]

DD has a party today at 12. We had planned to go into town to get a present this morning, but she has spent the last two hours in a meltdown, horrible awful screeching and spitting and swearing.

We know it's because she is wound up about the party, it's not a particualr friend of hers but it is someone she looks up to, it's a cool disco party and she's spoken of nothing else for weeks. I'm not going to stop her going to the party, before anyone says that, she is being assessed for a demand avoidance disorder and there is a direct correlation between her excitement and her meltdown.

However, I'm not prepared to rush around now and buy a gift, I've told her she can go to the shop over the road and buy a box of maltesers or similar and wrap those up.

We've had similar gifts at parties (often with a 'sorry, it was last minute' apology) but I am v laid back about presents, I know some people aren't. Woudl you be pissed off or judgy if your DD got a present like that? I dont' know this family at all.

AIBU?

(and yes, I know I should have a box of ready to wrap presents or got something weeks ago but we are just not that organised, sorry)

[Fancydrawers]

Fuck it, get the maltesers. Wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

[Bowlersarm]

What about popping a £5 in the card as well?

[HollyBerryBush]

a demand avoidance disorder

What does that mean?

[Sparklingbrook]

Is that not doing what she is told Holly?

I would do Maltesers and £5 in the card.

[TwoFourSixOhOne]

Pathalogical Demand Avoidance

[TwoFourSixOhOne]

But thank you for the suggestions, maltesers and a fiver it is.

[Sparklingbrook]

You know if after the assessment it is confirmed she has this Two what happens then?

[Sparklingbrook]

I apologise Two. I didn't know. Now I do. Blimey.

[northcountrygirl]

To be honest my children find sweets the best presents of all. They don't really care what things cost and neither should we.

[kelda]

I agree, maltesers and a fiver, my 9 year old would be happy with that.

Hope she gets the help she needs

[SavoyCabbage]

My dd is 9 and she would love a box of maltesers.

[HollyBerryBush]

I'd not heard the expression, thank you for the link, I shall no go read it

[WilsonFrickett]

Then she implements strategies to deal with it. Like she's probably doing now sparkling. But sometimes the strategies don't work especially when the child has worked herself into a fever pitch of excitement and stress about a socially-loaded and complicated event

[WilsonFrickett]

X post with your apology sparking - sorry for the snip.

[Sparklingbrook]

[woopsidaisy]

I'm 38 and I'd love a box of Malteasers! It is fine. Hope she enjoys the party.

[Mistyshore]

I'd put £5 in card too.

I don't know the background at all but I do remember being 12 and desperate to get friendly with the cool gang. 12 year old's can be quite bitchy between their friends and dd is probably worried that her cool friend will know it was a cheap present and take the piss. The girl's parents won't give the gift a second thought.

[TwoFourSixOhOne]

It's ok, sorry I told you to f off, it's been a pig of a morning .

I'm not sure what happens when we're through the process, she might get some help at school (where she acheives very little), we'll certainly get some help in 'managing' her.

Since we were given this information though and treated her accordingly (instead of as though she is naughty or wilful) life has improved immeasurably for all of us.

It's not a very well known thing, although it is becoming more so and I get a gutful of naughty child comments from well meaning relatives.

[Sparklingbrook]

I'm sorry too. My first thought on reading the description was that both my DSs have that but they really just don't do as they are told.

Sounds like a real battle, hope there is help available. Lots of tongue biting when the relatives come round then?

[TwoFourSixOhOne]

And honestly, before we lived with this and I knew what it was, I would have been eyerolling to the extreme at this sort of label for what appear to be badly behaved brats

It's much more than that though. Which is hard to remember when she's howling and snarling at me because I've asked her to put her shoes on.

[WilsonFrickett]

Theres a couple of interesting threads in SN and SN chat about PDA op.

[TwoFourSixOhOne]

Oh yes, lots.

I get told, 'she only speaks to you like that because you let her, if you were more consistent she wouldn't behave like that, she's just pulling your chain, give her a smack'.

I have almost perfected the nod and smile.

[WilsonFrickett]

Hugs all round?

[TwoFourSixOhOne]

Thanks Wilson, I have posted there before (serial namechanger) and received some fantastic advice.