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to give a box of maltesers as a birthday present for a 9yo?

(74 Posts)
TwoFourSixOhOne Sat 11-May-13 10:12:07

DD has a party today at 12. We had planned to go into town to get a present this morning, but she has spent the last two hours in a meltdown, horrible awful screeching and spitting and swearing.

We know it's because she is wound up about the party, it's not a particualr friend of hers but it is someone she looks up to, it's a cool disco party and she's spoken of nothing else for weeks. I'm not going to stop her going to the party, before anyone says that, she is being assessed for a demand avoidance disorder and there is a direct correlation between her excitement and her meltdown.

However, I'm not prepared to rush around now and buy a gift, I've told her she can go to the shop over the road and buy a box of maltesers or similar and wrap those up.

We've had similar gifts at parties (often with a 'sorry, it was last minute' apology) but I am v laid back about presents, I know some people aren't. Woudl you be pissed off or judgy if your DD got a present like that? I dont' know this family at all.


(and yes, I know I should have a box of ready to wrap presents or got something weeks ago but we are just not that organised, sorry)

Fancydrawers Sat 11-May-13 10:13:27

Fuck it, get the maltesers. Wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Bowlersarm Sat 11-May-13 10:14:24

What about popping a £5 in the card as well?

HollyBerryBush Sat 11-May-13 10:14:56

a demand avoidance disorder

What does that mean?

Sparklingbrook Sat 11-May-13 10:18:16

Is that not doing what she is told Holly?

I would do Maltesers and £5 in the card.

TwoFourSixOhOne Sat 11-May-13 10:18:58

Pathalogical Demand Avoidance

TwoFourSixOhOne Sat 11-May-13 10:19:50

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

TwoFourSixOhOne Sat 11-May-13 10:21:04

But thank you for the suggestions, maltesers and a fiver it is.


Sparklingbrook Sat 11-May-13 10:21:54

You know if after the assessment it is confirmed she has this Two what happens then?

Sparklingbrook Sat 11-May-13 10:22:35

I apologise Two. I didn't know. Now I do. Blimey.

northcountrygirl Sat 11-May-13 10:22:58

To be honest my children find sweets the best presents of all. They don't really care what things cost and neither should we.

kelda Sat 11-May-13 10:23:09

I agree, maltesers and a fiver, my 9 year old would be happy with that.

Hope she gets the help she needssmile

SavoyCabbage Sat 11-May-13 10:23:12

My dd is 9 and she would love a box of maltesers.

HollyBerryBush Sat 11-May-13 10:24:25

I'd not heard the expression, thank you for the link, I shall no go read it grin

WilsonFrickett Sat 11-May-13 10:24:37

Then she implements strategies to deal with it. Like she's probably doing now sparkling. But sometimes the strategies don't work especially when the child has worked herself into a fever pitch of excitement and stress about a socially-loaded and complicated event

WilsonFrickett Sat 11-May-13 10:25:25

X post with your apology sparking - sorry for the snip.

Sparklingbrook Sat 11-May-13 10:25:43


woopsidaisy Sat 11-May-13 10:26:00

I'm 38 and I'd love a box of Malteasers! It is fine. Hope she enjoys the party.

Mistyshore Sat 11-May-13 10:26:05

I'd put £5 in card too.

I don't know the background at all but I do remember being 12 and desperate to get friendly with the cool gang. 12 year old's can be quite bitchy between their friends and dd is probably worried that her cool friend will know it was a cheap present and take the piss. The girl's parents won't give the gift a second thought.

TwoFourSixOhOne Sat 11-May-13 10:27:43

It's ok, sorry I told you to f off, it's been a pig of a morning blush.

I'm not sure what happens when we're through the process, she might get some help at school (where she acheives very little), we'll certainly get some help in 'managing' her.

Since we were given this information though and treated her accordingly (instead of as though she is naughty or wilful) life has improved immeasurably for all of us.

It's not a very well known thing, although it is becoming more so and I get a gutful of naughty child comments from well meaning relatives.

Sparklingbrook Sat 11-May-13 10:30:59

I'm sorry too. My first thought on reading the description was that both my DSs have that but they really just don't do as they are told. angry

Sounds like a real battle, hope there is help available. Lots of tongue biting when the relatives come round then?

TwoFourSixOhOne Sat 11-May-13 10:31:42

And honestly, before we lived with this and I knew what it was, I would have been eyerolling to the extreme at this sort of label for what appear to be badly behaved brats blush

It's much more than that though. Which is hard to remember when she's howling and snarling at me because I've asked her to put her shoes on.

WilsonFrickett Sat 11-May-13 10:31:59

Theres a couple of interesting threads in SN and SN chat about PDA op.

TwoFourSixOhOne Sat 11-May-13 10:33:09

Oh yes, lots.

I get told, 'she only speaks to you like that because you let her, if you were more consistent she wouldn't behave like that, she's just pulling your chain, give her a smack'.

I have almost perfected the nod and smile.

WilsonFrickett Sat 11-May-13 10:33:11

Hugs all round? wink

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