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DP away for the night - is he out of order or am I being a bunny boiler?

(162 Posts)
AAdamsA Fri 10-May-13 22:40:10

Long story short - I caught him fuckin' around on plenty of fish a few months back trying to arrange sex dates. I told him I would find it very difficult to trust him in the future. That's the history.

He had tonight booked to go and see a band and stay over in the city for a piss up with his mate (dp is 42, mate is 26). I wasn't happy about it but didn't want to turn into one of these people that never 'lets' their boyfriend out. But we agreed he would keep in regular contact and not get hammered.

So, they get there at 5pm, instantly start getting pissed up on shots and god knows what else and then he starts sending me drunken texts resembling those of a 12 year old: "my mate said do you know any fit, single nurses you could get him to together with?" hmm jesus christ. His mate sends me a friend request. I accept. He then starts posting pictures of a pissed up DP on my facebook wall (luckily my pics are set to approval first). DP is obviously hammered and was hammered by 8pm.

At 7.30 he sends me a text asking if I love him. I reply "of course I do, do you love me? xx" and I get no reply. What I get instead - are facebook updates from his mate asking where the best place is to "pull" in the city they're in along with many statuses stating "we're drunk! party time!" etc etc.

So, despite his promise that he would stay in touch and not get hammered - he's absoluetly hammered and has not text me since 7.30 when I replied to HIS text asking if he loves me. He did however, find the time afterwards to go on his phone and update his facebook status.

So go on, AIBU??

AAdamsA Sat 11-May-13 08:21:52

Had a really shit nights sleep. Woke up at 4.30am. The last text I received from him was the one asking me to suck him off. Now even if his mate had sent it for a juvenile laugh - surely dp got his phone back at some point in the night and would have realised? You know, despite what he did to me in the past I've never stopped him going out - the one thing bothering me about this occasion was that he was staying out all night and yeah, of course I was worrying about the potential of him taking someone back to the travrl lodge so I asked for one thing - text me before you go to bed, just a goodnight text - might sound pathetic to anyone else but after the shitty behaviour previously displayed, it would have meant a lot to know that I was the last thing he thought about before going to sleep. Instead, I get a crude text saying "suck me of", im hard and wet" and that's the last I heard from him. Was it even meant for me??? Was it sent by his mate whilst the two of them laughed about my reaction?? God was it even sent by some woman he'd picked up?? I can't cope with it :-(

GoblinGranny Sat 11-May-13 08:24:28

Is this relationship really a year old?
Do you have a child with him?
Why are you putting up with being made unhappy by someone who should be a source of joy in your life? Just why? confused

TheseFoolishThings Sat 11-May-13 08:25:15

Sounds shit but why don't you address some of the comments made in all the earlier posts?

StuffezLaYoni Sat 11-May-13 08:28:42

I knew you'd have slept badly. Your head will be buzzing, you'll feel on edge, you'll feel weepy.

Listen. It really, really doesn't have to be like this. Why do you HAVE to be in this relationship?

pictish Sat 11-May-13 08:30:05

Omg - your husband is just a complete idiot isn't he?

I have no advice other than to start divorce proceedings. You're not happy and neither the fuck would I be...and I am so laid back I'm lounging.

Sack him off. Just get rid of him.

I honestly cannot think of another answer to give.

Branleuse Sat 11-May-13 08:32:08

id be seriously unimpressed by his bad grammar.

plus hes being a cunt and probably cheating.

StuffezLaYoni Sat 11-May-13 08:33:07

I don't think they're married, Pictish, or got children (from what I can gather.)

GoblinGranny Sat 11-May-13 08:34:47

Now I'm starting to speculate....why is the OP putting up with this?

Is he so magnificent a lover that you are addicted to him, and can't bear the thought of doing without his attentions?
Is he amazingly rich and showers you with luxury gifts and diamonds when he's apologising?
Do you feel so incredibly fortunate to have acquired him that you spend hours just gazing at his splendour and are prepared to overlook the minor faults?

Whatever the reasons, it's damaging to you, your self-esteem and your health. You need to break up.

CookieLady Sat 11-May-13 08:36:29

Forgive me for being blunt but no decent parent would go out and get drunk knowing that they have to care for their children, on their own, the next day. Do you really want a child with this irresponsible, unfaithful tosser? He doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you. He has made it very clear. What are you waiting for? To catch him in the act? As others have said leave him. You deserve better.

EllaFitzgerald Sat 11-May-13 08:37:10

What was he doing while his mate was talking to women? I'm guessing he wasn't playing Angry Birds on his phone.

If finding him on PoF wasn't enough, he's just given you a perfect example of how little respect he has for you and your relationship. You have two choices. You either accept that you're going to spend the rest of your time together being treated like this and wondering what he's up to every time he goes out, or you put a rocket up his bum and spend your next birthday with someone who does actually give a shit.

pictish Sat 11-May-13 08:37:50

Oh I see...he's your 'dp' of a year?? And you caught him on POF a few months ago??
You should've trusted your instincts and dropped him then.
However, you kept the faith and gave him another chance.
As far as I am concerned he has blown it, whether he has cheated or not.

You are worth a good relationship with someone who really loves YOU. Not someone who uses you as a place to park his cock while he sniffs about for a better offer.
He even wants his ego massaged by you while he does it! That's how entitled he actually feels!

"Do you love me?"

No I don't, you fucking shit.

OP - think more of yourelf than this. Please.

ENormaSnob Sat 11-May-13 08:37:56

Come on op, deep down you know the truth.

This man does not love you at all. He doesn't even have an ounce of respect for you. I doubt very much he even wants to be with you.

Get your self respect and end it.

Things will never ever get better with this loser.

CookieLady Sat 11-May-13 08:38:05

Spot on Goblin.

concernedmate Sat 11-May-13 08:38:25

When my dh goes out with his mate and stay over (mate 50 miles away) dh always promised to text me to let me know he got in and gone to bed, but he never does, he goes out gets drunk and forgets about it, he has never given me any reason to distrust him and I am sure as you can be he won't cheat.

However for many reasons you have stated, this is clearly not a good relationship, trust is very important and clearly you don't have that. I would not be able to stay with someone like your partner.

Quilty Sat 11-May-13 08:38:31

What an absolute twat, seriously OP - plenty of fish? Hanging out with an immature 26 year old?? You need to get rid of this idiotic man child, you deserve better.
He has shown you no respect or real affection, drunken texts do not count! and to behave like this right before your birthday, sorry but it just shows where his priorities lie! Don't be taken for a ride any longer!
Hope you manage to enjoy your birthday tomorrow thanks

Ledkr Sat 11-May-13 08:40:02

Op give yourself am the best birthday present ever and dump this idiot. He sounds about twelve fgs.
Just imagine life without him, it would be blissful.
Get rid and let some other poor woman deal with his drama.

claudedebussy Sat 11-May-13 08:41:50

surely this is over now.

you don't trust him.

AAdamsA Sat 11-May-13 08:46:17

I wish I had trusted my instincts after the pof thing because, without wanting to drip feed - it happened twice (I've caught him twice). Now it's porn every weekend whilst he has his teenage kids in the next room. Of course I know it seems like he doesn't want to be with me but Christ, I've given him every opportunity to fuck off, I've tried to break it off - I've said "ok, you're right" when he's raved at me whilst drunk that we should split up - he ALWAYS talks me around, cries, begs me not to leave - so if he doesn't want me, why won't he just fuck off???
Still not heard from him. He won't mention the crude text or anything when he does get in touch - my betting us that he'll text "good morning darling, hope you had a good night? I'm feeling tough lol, leaving Leeds soon - see you tomorrow" .... Yes he is that predictable

EffieTheDuck Sat 11-May-13 08:46:19

Send him a text saying U R chucked.

He sounds like an asshole.

AAdamsA Sat 11-May-13 08:47:50

Rough, not tough. On phone

GoblinGranny Sat 11-May-13 08:49:24

'he ALWAYS talks me around, cries, begs me not to leave'

Then you are the fool, making a very bad choice for whatever reason, and I'm off this thread.

Look in the mirror every morning and say ' I am a vertebrate'

apostropheuse Sat 11-May-13 08:49:48

I'm sorry to be harsh OP but it's very obvious that he doesn't love you. You don't treat someone you love in the way he's treating you. You just don't.

You really need to get a grip here and ask yourself why you are with him. Surely you're not that desperate to be with him that you will put up with this juvenile disgusting behaviour?

Nobody deserves to be treated the way he's treating you. You wouldn't like it if someone you loved was being treated this way so why would you think it's ok to be treated in this manner yourself?

To be honest you are allowing him to treat you like this. Seriously, get rid of him.

GirlOutNumbered Sat 11-May-13 08:49:51

Don't reply to or send another text.
He is a complete waste of time.

StuffezLaYoni Sat 11-May-13 08:50:31

Because he gets to fuck you whenever he likes but doesn't have to put in the effort of treating you properly and respectfully!!!
Get him out your life, he's making you look a bloody fool! Sorry to be blunt, but that's pretty much it.

LadyVoldemort Sat 11-May-13 08:51:00

He's actively looking for other women to have sex with....

I'm very confused why you're still hanging in there? He's showing absolutely no respect at all. Do yourself a favour and LTB.

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