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DP away for the night - is he out of order or am I being a bunny boiler?

(162 Posts)
AAdamsA Fri 10-May-13 22:40:10

Long story short - I caught him fuckin' around on plenty of fish a few months back trying to arrange sex dates. I told him I would find it very difficult to trust him in the future. That's the history.

He had tonight booked to go and see a band and stay over in the city for a piss up with his mate (dp is 42, mate is 26). I wasn't happy about it but didn't want to turn into one of these people that never 'lets' their boyfriend out. But we agreed he would keep in regular contact and not get hammered.

So, they get there at 5pm, instantly start getting pissed up on shots and god knows what else and then he starts sending me drunken texts resembling those of a 12 year old: "my mate said do you know any fit, single nurses you could get him to together with?" hmm jesus christ. His mate sends me a friend request. I accept. He then starts posting pictures of a pissed up DP on my facebook wall (luckily my pics are set to approval first). DP is obviously hammered and was hammered by 8pm.

At 7.30 he sends me a text asking if I love him. I reply "of course I do, do you love me? xx" and I get no reply. What I get instead - are facebook updates from his mate asking where the best place is to "pull" in the city they're in along with many statuses stating "we're drunk! party time!" etc etc.

So, despite his promise that he would stay in touch and not get hammered - he's absoluetly hammered and has not text me since 7.30 when I replied to HIS text asking if he loves me. He did however, find the time afterwards to go on his phone and update his facebook status.

So go on, AIBU??

AAdamsA Fri 10-May-13 22:41:47

Just to add, they're staying over in a travel lodge and I won't see him tomorrow either as he has his kids all weekend so I won't see him again until sunday night.

AgentZigzag Fri 10-May-13 22:42:15

And you're with him because...?

LeaveTheBastid Fri 10-May-13 22:42:37

Dear god, what a gem. YANBU. But the question is, what are you going to do after being told YANBU?

magimedi Fri 10-May-13 22:42:59

Are you the g/f of the deleted thread this morning??????

SirBoobAlot Fri 10-May-13 22:43:30

This guy is a complete twat. And obviously thinks he is still twenty something himself.

LindyHemming Fri 10-May-13 22:43:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag Fri 10-May-13 22:44:18

It's not being a bunny boiler not trusting your DP when you know he's been actively looking for sex elsewhere.

I'm not sure how you'd get over such a breach of trust like that, but he doesn't seem to be doing anything to reassure you, which says to me he doesn't think much of you.

Get shot and find someone who cares for you.

Repeatedlydoingthetwist Fri 10-May-13 22:44:20

Second what LeaveTheBastid said. You are CLEARLY NBU, and I think you know that but what now??

HollyBerryBush Fri 10-May-13 22:44:25

Errrr, well if he's on PoF then he deems there is something lacking in his life.

if hes 42 and g adding about with 20-smethings, again he's looking for something.

and he's that pissed so early.

now tell us again why this bloke is instrumental in your life

AAdamsA Fri 10-May-13 22:45:42

No I was at work all day - that wasn't my post.

I'm glad to hear I'm not being unreasonable. I'm sick to death of him. It's bad enough that it's my birthday on Monday and I really wanted to celebrate over the weekend but no - he wants to go out "on the pull" in Leeds instead with a lad almost half his age and he can't even be arsed to keep in touch with me. I know what will happen, I'll receive a text at about 11am in morning from him acting as if nothing should be wrong and for the next few months I'll be thinking "so, what DID happen in Leeds that night? why did he stop texting after he asked if I loved him? did they go back to the travel lodge alone? ..... " and so the bull shit continues.

GrimbleGrog Fri 10-May-13 22:45:58

He's going out with a mate and he has to stay in touch with you and not get drunk? What a miserable night, and miserable for you too if you spend all evening checking up on him.

D0GWithAYoni Fri 10-May-13 22:46:29

Dear god. Testicles as earrings and ltb

Lj8893 Fri 10-May-13 22:48:14

Get rid of him!! He sounds completely childish and not worth your time, effort or worry.

Viviennemary Fri 10-May-13 22:53:02

Never mind difficult to trust him. I'd say impossible to trust him. Can't see why you bother with him at all.

AAdamsA Fri 10-May-13 23:33:42

Ok so about 10 minutes ago he sent me a text saying "Love you so much xxxxxxxx" I replied with "really hope I can trust you ... " and he replied "your my darling, end of". I then got a text saying ...

"suck me off please! I'm wet and hard!!" X

To be fair, doesn't sound like him but then he is really drunk. Is it his mate or someone else??? see how paranoid he makes me? :-(

QuintessentialOHara Fri 10-May-13 23:38:15

He is a 42 year old juvenile shit.

Cant you do better than this?

Seriously! He is behaving like a 17 year old!

Ruralninja Fri 10-May-13 23:39:32

hard to do but switch off your phone & computer. if I were you I would be having a word with myself about this relationship... & massively ignoring him tomorrow whilst making decent plans for my birthday that didn't involve him.

LeaveTheBastid Fri 10-May-13 23:39:56

Whether its his mate or not is irrelevant, my DH wouldn't let his friend ale his phome amd text his wife things like that. Honestly, he's 42, I am cringing for him right now.

Cut your losses I say. Love isn't about sitting at home worrying about a cheating man child.

LeaveTheBastid Fri 10-May-13 23:40:53

Jesus Christ spelling mistakes there, not even had wine grin

AgentZigzag Fri 10-May-13 23:41:05

Why are you letting him treat you like this?

Switch off your phone and don't give him another thought.

I agree that a night without alcohol and with a DP needing reassurance with text updates doesn't sound a shed load of fun, but then he's been touting for sex on the internet Grimble.

The fact he's gone out at all and sending you all this shit is piss poor Adam, the nasty bastard's trying to wind you up now he knows how to push your buttons.

Don't rise to it.

LemonPeculiarJones Fri 10-May-13 23:44:05

What a waste of time he is.

He's cheated on you. He will again. He's behaving like a single man. And a detestable twat of a single man at that.

Extricate yourself from this. He has no respect for you.

SavoyCabbage Fri 10-May-13 23:44:42

You are not bring a bunny boiler.

He is not treating you very well though is he. My dh is the same age as yours and he goes away every week pretty much for work. And for half a day every weekend for sport. He does go 'out' when he's away sometimes, withnthebwork people down there, but there is no way he would carry on like this. Pissing about with 20-somethings and texting you about women. It's like the focus has become taking the piss out of you.

AAdamsA Fri 10-May-13 23:45:35

I can't help wondering if the text was from him but meant for someone else. I simply replied "nice. Good night" to which he hasn't replied. Normally he'd always reply to a good night text. Even a sarcastic spitting through the teeth text. I feel sick. I trusted him and he just goes out of his way to be a bastard. Even if he isn't fucking around, he's going out of his way to make me think he is.

TheSecondComing Fri 10-May-13 23:47:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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