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to get annoyed that my lovely flatmate has her lovely boyfriend over so much?

(57 Posts)
somedayma Fri 10-May-13 22:29:33

I LOVE my flatmate. One of my best friends. I LOVE her boyfriend. We've been great friends for about over 10 years (and he introduced me to her). But I'm starting to not love how his visits seem to be increasing slowly.

They're not one of those annoying face licking couples and wouldn't do act in any way to make me feel uncomfortable. But just them BEING there makes me feel a little irritated. I probably am BU and bitterly single and I couldn't bring myself to say anything to her. So I suppose this is just an anonymous whinge!

We have one comfortable sofa and 2 ok chairs. The chairs hurt your back if you sit in them for long. Any time he comes round i feel obliged to move from the sofa so they can sit together. Maybe I should just park my ass there anyway and one of them can sit on the back breaking chairs? or we can all snuggle up together happily on the sofa I realise as I type this that it's very petty!

Sometimes I want to come home from work and binge on junk food and pick my spots in front of the telly. And not have to watch whatever movie they fancy, or listen to them talk over the tv.

Sometimes I want to get up in the night for a drink/nip to the loo and not have to get dressed in case I run into him in the hall.

He's started staying over 3-4 nights a week. I want to shout 'go to his for a change!'. His flatmate has a new girlfriend so i assume he's trying to give them privacy. where's my bloody privacy?

AIBU? yes I probably am. But it feels better to have that off my chest

cumfy Sat 11-May-13 15:45:40

Think you need to encourage them to start "swapping" with the other couple in the equation.

What's wrong with his flatmate's GF's place ?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Sat 11-May-13 15:56:37

Place on sofa, good. Watching your soaps and tweeting, good. How about the middle-of-the-night hallway dashes? When my flatmate had her fiancé over it developed over time that it was up to him to avoid me. Not sure how we got to that stage - it was a long time ago - but could you say something like "If you're coming out of the bedroom at night, can you just make sure I'm not up and about? It would be embarrassing for both of us if you saw me in my pants!" Then the onus is on him to not make you uncomfortable in your own home, IYSWIM.

GiraffesAndButterflies Sat 11-May-13 16:06:19

I might get flamed for this as it's not exactly a dignified option for you OP. But if you really want to raise it in a way that won't offend her, you could fake being upset by their lovely coupleness while you're single, and pull out the tears and the it-just-reminds-me-that-I'm-alone sobs. That might get them to share out their time a bit better.

I hesitated to even type the above, because it's a pretty crap option in many ways... And it could backfire if she starts trying to set you up with people etc... But you sound like you're running out of ideas!

YY to reclaim the sofa!

whois Sat 11-May-13 17:26:11

It's quite a difficult situation. You like then both but him being there so much changes the dynamic.

I would probably say something to flat mate along the lines of "I love loving with you, and I really like boyfriend, but when he is hear so much of kinda changes the dynamic a bit. Would it be possible for you to alternate which flat you stay over in a bit more?"

I would defo not move off the sofa for them!

I was less polite to an annoying ex-housemate who moved his girlfriend in when she actually lived on her own and caused massive problems for bathroom in the morning. Prick. Anyway, got to the stage where I'd hinted, i'd asked nicely, I'd asked not so nicely, so have him his months notice to move out. Happy days.

WafflyVersatile Sat 11-May-13 17:37:59

Can't you talk to the boyfriend, as he's your friend already?

It's not at all unreasonable. I always used to say to potential flatmates (well lodgers) that they are welcome to have partners round once or twice a week, but not all weekend every weekend or half of the week. It should be balanced out by them fucking off to their other halves too, if possible. Some might think that's a bit unreasonable but they don't have to move in if it doesn't suit them. smile

CruCru Sat 11-May-13 17:56:05

Announce that you've hurt your back and can't stand the chairs. As soon as you get home, get into your pyjamas and stay on the sofa.

FairPhyllis Sat 11-May-13 19:08:20

This is so annoying. I was in a situation like this (except the boyfriend of my flatmate spent almost EVERY night in our house). It was a massive place so not too bad but I wish now that I'd said something.

I think you should propose adding him to the cleaning rota or contributing to bills - that should get the message across. It's not at all unreasonable to say something. If they want to be together most of the time they should get a place together.

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